Pushing Trans Boundaries

 

Image from the Jessie Hart
Collection.. Back drop, the Ohio
River

Along the way, as the years went by I began to really push many of the transgender boundaries I faced.

A primary example was when I thought I had conquered one of my goals, such as my feminine presentation, I set a new goal. Often I went to different places and/or venues to see if I presented well enough to be accepted as a transgender woman. After malls and clothing stores became too easy for me, I expanded to stopping at restaurants to eat. Which in turn forced me into more one on one communications with complete strangers. I pushed the boundaries past just routine chit-chat eventually into full fledged conversations. I learned the hard way not to worry so much about how my voice was sounding and begin to consider more and more what I was saying. 

For a while it seemed, the challenges I was facing in those years were becoming overwhelming as I pushed my gender boundaries even further. Another major jump occurred when I decided to stop going to the so-called safe spaces which were the gay venues I was going to. I finally decided if I was going to feel like an outcast, I might as well do it in a venue I felt more comfortable in. I began to go to upscale sports bars and restaurants with many televisions and cold draft beer which I enjoyed. Since I stood out from the crowd for being transgender, I minded my own business and tipped well ,so in most places I became a regular fairly easily. On occasion, I still pushed too hard and ended up getting kicked out of a couple places I shouldn't have been in to start with. Lessons were learned.

Slowly but surely the process finally did become a blur. I made new friends and was beginning to thrive in my dream life of being a transgender woman. The biggest remaining problem I had at the time was I was still married. At that point my second wife and I had been together for nearly twenty five years. From the beginning she knew I was a transvestite or cross dresser and didn't really have any problems with it. However, when any discussion at all came up about the possibility of going further and beginning hormone replacement therapy, she drew the line.  Any time I tried to push the boundary farther, the more she resisted.  In many ways it was similar to the rock meeting the irresistible force and it was ugly. More precisely though, I had started the catfight of all catfights between my wife and my inner feminine soul who had finally been able to sample life in the world. Once she had seen the daylight, there was no way my feminine self wanted to give it up. From there, destiny took over.

When my second wife passed away, it didn't take long for my inner woman to take over. She pushed hard and became the dominant force in my life. Quickly it became evident she had known the path to take my entire life. She began to push my transgender boundaries until my life became meaningful again. My male self faded away. 

Transgender Safe Spaces

Image from Nicole Herrero
 on Unsplash

Yesterday was the annual picnic I have written about in the past. It was hosted by the transgender-transvestite-cross dresser group I am a member of here in Cincinnati.

Again this year, we were blessed with a wonderful summer afternoon. Attendance was good also, with a nice mixture of younger transgender women, mixed in a few trans men as well as older attendees such as myself. The group provided hamburgers and hot dogs and the rest of the food came from a "pot-luck" where everybody brings something. So there was plenty to eat including a special shout out to Wendy for her "world famous" cheesecake. Even my wife Liz and I "forgot" our diet to have a piece and it lived up to it's billing.

What also lived up to it's billing was the safe space atmosphere of the picnic. The group reserved a very nice shelter house and short speeches were given by a new group of members who traveled the distance to the state capital of Columbus, Ohio. To fight the bigoted legislators attempting to pass anti-transgender legislation. It was refreshing to see so many younger faces fighting for our rights. 

My main point is, the picnic provided a safe space for the transgender community locally to express itself. Everyone could come, relax and enjoy themselves. Exactly what the world "should" be like for us. In addition, the picnic showed us what could be if we are just left to live without any interference. 

Along the way in life, often transgender women and trans men are able to find and enjoy other space spaces. In my past, for example, after I got over my initial panic of going, the several girl's nights out I went to ended up being safe spaces for me. I was able to relax and live and learn from the experiences. I am fortunate too in that I normally have my wife Liz with me when I am out in the world. In essence she provides an interference when people attempt to zero in on me. Often I think the worst than can happen is when we hold hands in public. I think some people may have a problem with two women holding hands. However, not having another hand to hold was the biggest thing I missed when my second wife of twenty five years passed away. So I am enjoying it while I can.

Also, events such as the picnic provide various levels of acceptance for younger members who need to see older trans people who have lived their authentic lives for years. In doing so, we provide a distinct pathway to the future. In many senses we become sort of a legacy member. While the younger members are picketing the state house, other's of us such as I are becoming part of diversity committee's. Anything is possible often if we slowly try to show the world who we really are. 

At my age, for many reason's I need to take a slower path and in the meantime wait for my second piece of Wendy's cheesecake.

A Problem or Opportunity

Image from Elisa Ventur on 
UnSplash

Over the years I spent too much time wondering the how's or whys of how I needed to carry my considerable gender dysphoria with me. 

It seemed the cruel truth was the more I thought I solved my problems, the more I discovered there were so many more to worry about. Examples are many. Once I became polished enough in my feminine presentation, the more I explored other frontiers which led me to other problems. You may get the idea I was in a vicious circle I struggled to get out of/. As I was able to get my high heeled foot through the door as a transgender woman, then I needed to figure out a way to communicate with the world. What about my voice? More importantly what was I saying when I tried to say it. I found (often the hard way) cis women communicate on many layers include non verbal eye cues. I was saved several dangerous or messy situations with men simply because a staff member gave me a certain look or glance to stay away from him.

At times at seemed I was overwhelmed by the amount of gender problems I was creating for myself. The whole experience was at once very terrifying and at the same time so exciting. In other words, I was turning my problems into opportunities. I was finally following my ultimate dream, to see if I could indeed live a life as a fulltime transgender woman. The opportunities took over and the problems began to fade away.

All of it required a concerted effort to pull my entire new feminine image together. A static image in a mirror or a picture was one thing but putting it all in motion was another. I'm sure we all remember the first times we attempted to walk in heels. It was difficult for me to not look like a linebacker in heels when I first began to venture out in public as a novice cross dresser or transvestite. Of course I made my share of mistakes such as wedging my heels in sidewalk cracks all the way to totally falling. Luckily all which was injured was my pride. 

Eventually I arrived at the point where I had much more opportunity than problems. I was beginning to experience much more opportunity as I began to put a totally new transgender person together. I was out of the mirror and letting the world in. For better or for worse. In the meantime, destiny took over and I was adopted by several special cis-women friends. They helped me through several of my final biggest problems. I was able to turn the problems into opportunities by sheer observation. I was used to watching women as a lifetime obsession so the whole process was normal for me. The main difference was, for a change, they included me as an equal in their world. 

Now I feel my main opportunities come from writing about my transgender experiences. All the way to increasing my volunteer time with organizations such as the Alzheimer's Association. Plus, I have a goal also to eventually become more involved again in the transgender-transvestite/cross dresser group I have been a member of for years. 

Perhaps, the term opportunity can be changed to fulfillment.