No Autographs Please!

My bestest friend told me I could be just dealing in paranoia. (Me???)
The walk from the waiting room to my psychologist's office at the VA Center is quite long.
My first two visits, the halls had been roughly empty.
This time people seemed to be coming out of the woodwork. The people all seemed to be professionals who worked there.
As we made our way into her office, I almost asked my therapist if everyone just happened to know my appointment time and knew the exact moment we were going to walk down that hall to her office.
I didn't because I had more important things to think about and certainly it wasn't the first or last time I have been the center of attention and curiosity.
If indeed the whole incident was a creation of my own paranoia...so be it.
On the other hand, if the staff stopped their day to look at me; it shows how little the particular VA Center I go to knows about transgendered vets.
If that is really the case, I feel good to be the pioneer woman who opens the doors for others.
But REALLY, try not to stare. Come on!

Transitioning Without Hormones?

As I write this post, I wonder how many different directions it can go.
You know I don't often jump into the cat fight between the transsexual and transgendered camps.  I don't have time for the bitterness.
Speaking of bitterness I surfed across a blog that one of you may have seen. Of course I can't seem to back track to where I saw or read it.  The main point of the transgendered woman's post was disagreeing with a "gold star" transsexual view of basically the rest of us poor transgendered "wanna be" women.
The definition of a "gold star" transsexual is a person who assumes the female gender and is absolutely gorgeous. (basically)
Since I fall into the category of the poor downtrodden transgender "wanna be", I started to think of how I really felt about the situation.
I know no matter how long I try and how many hormones I take I will never achieve the "gold star" status. I feel so very fortunate to be able just to interact in the world as a female as much as I do.
Also, when I read or hear a "gold star" put herself up on a lofty pedestal, I always believe somewhere in their male past they always wanted to be really good at something. That something just happened to be a beautiful looking female.  Maybe they are just are the best looking guy in the room. (I've told you in the past I knew someone like that.)
That is just me playing in both sides mud hole and I'm moving on. Life is too short for their petty arguments.
The discussion does raise other personal questions however.
As I have posted in the past, I really wonder where my "internal transition" fits with either group. In response I asked my therapist what she thought. What did she think about my recent subconscious feminine reactions to movies, music. language etc. Obviously without hormones.
My psychologist brought up the "gender cube". Basically, the cube lists nearly 30 different sexual/gender combinations from "straight hetero male" to whatever. When I bypassed the transgendered categories altogether and identified with a masculine feminine female; she simply said I had been burying my true self. My inside self just had never had the need to transition. Just being open to who I really am (I realized) was transitioning without hormones.
By now, you are wondering what point am I trying to make.
Since I am not planning on any radical surgery, will the "gold stars" ever accept me as much of a woman as they are? (Even though I am feeling more and more as one?)
How many of them are still really just guys who became enamored with the pretty girl in the mirror and simply went for more?
Better yet...who cares? I guess sometimes I do!

It Wasn't A Dream When I Woke Up!

Today had to be my best birthday ever!
My third visit to the VA therapist seeking a hormone permission letter was late in the afternoon.
As I got ready to meet my daughter for a birthday breakfast, I received a text from a long time female friend who I have progressively come out to over the past couple months.
She wished me a good birthday and a positive trip to the "Doc" which meant a lot!
My breakfast with my daughter was very different. Almost immediately she asked me if I knew one of the performers in one of the top drag queen acts in the area. They are known as the "Rubi Girls" based out of Dayton, Ohio.
As it turns out I had seen their act (impressive) and actually knew one of the performer's employees.  As surprising as this was, more surprising was the fact I was having the conversation with her at all.  The rest of the breakfast was equally as good and I'm still not sure how I did so well in the daughter department.
On to the therapist appointment.  We exchanged the usual "how's life" questions before I asked the magic question: "what reservations did she have about writing a permission letter?" She didn't hestitate and said she expected the question and pulled a file folder off her desk
The folder contained the "Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Care Standards". As we went through the highlights it seemed I met most all of the criteria. (I'm not exactly sure anyone but Harry understood them all.)
She was very positive and said she would like to take one more step before writing the letter. The step was a final consultation about me with a very experienced gender specialist in Columbus. Ironically she is the same person I went to for help over 20 years ago.
I know "nothing is over until it's over" but I'm causiously optimistic I will have the letter in two weeks at my next visit.
My last (but far from least) stop of the day was a lite dinner date with a GF down in Cincinnati.
Without getting too personal, it was a wonderful ending to a special day.
On the trip home I was going pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I have a real aversion to pain and just made sure I wasn't driving up I-75 in a dream. I can guarantee you I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio is no place to be dreaming behind the wheel and I wasn't. The day was all so real and so wonderful!