ReRun

Every now and then I like to pull up a post from the dusty old archives.  Since the time it was posted, the blog has gained many more followers and daily visits Thank You!!!
It was titled "Can I Ever Go Home Again?"






If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

Experiences we have in our culture prove that life is a journey. Not a sprint!

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This is "Paul Cummings". Paul is one of the few entertainers from "Finnochio's" in San Fransisco still alive in his 80's. Follow this link to the story in :Las Vegas Weekly. It's called "Keeping'em guessing." and is a great look at one of female impersoantor legends.
Cummings actually grew his hair out and sang with his own voice.  A native of Southern California, Cummings grew up being told he would grow out of his high soprano voice, but he never did. Instead, he developed into what’s called a “split-voice” singer, with the ability to sing in a lower, traditionally male voice as well as a higher, female-sounding style!

Now I Understand

I not naive. I understand much of the inner force that drives a person to go through the pain and expense of sexual reassignment surgery. Many times, that is only the beginning. Many have facial surgery and more to complete their journey.
If my last week or so are any indication, I have hit that wall in my own way. I am the woman I always wanted to be...except. The angle look of my face.  If you look at me from the side at a certain angle you do see a male face. Much different from the face that gets doors opened and admiring glances. The proof is in the action. I moved through places I would have been laughed out of not long ago without so much of a second look...except the woman who sat next to me when I stopped for an appetizer and drink. She looked from the side and smiled and bit her lip and said something to her boyfriend. Wonder what that was?
I have to decide if I'm satisfied where I'm at now. I know I really want my own breasts.
I written about this road before. Last night it became a little clearer!