 |
| JJ Hart. |
Loving the skin, you are in is often difficult for a transgender woman or transgender man. In fact, we often come to hate the skin we are in.
We start early in our lives boxed into a gender we were born
into but never felt comfortable with. Many of us go through times of discomfort
as we try to sort out who we really are. We have many questions such as are we
going through a phase, is it just a fetish and someday will we somehow outgrow
our desire to be the gender we always wanted to be.
In my case, it took me decades to accept the skin I was in
and to learn to live it in the world as a transgender woman. Recently, I was
reminded of my past when I attended a virtual LGBTQ support group meeting at
the Veteran’s Administration. Normally it is a very tight knit group of the
same people who come every week, but this week we had a new person who joined
us who was coming out of her gender shell and slowly learning to live a life as
a transgender woman. During the session, she asked if anyone had any advice on
dealing with public in general and the police in particular when you are out in
the world.
I am not good at giving much advice in situations such as that,
so I mainly kept my ideas to myself. Such as the fact that I have had few
interactions with the police over the years and those have been mostly
positive. Even the ciswoman who called me a pervert once in a women’s restroom,
did not call the cops on me. Leaving me with the time I was in a venue I was
not a regular in and two women at the bar made it a point to call the police on
me after I had used the women’s room. All that happened was I was stopped on
the way out by a female cop who told me not to do it again and I went a short
distance up the road to one of my regular venues where I knew I would not have
any troubles. To make a long story short, I was sorry, but I did not have much
of any ideas on a magic cure to dealing with a potentially unaccepting public. You
just must develop a thick skin and complete confidence that you are doing
nothing wrong and you can make it.
Another problem I have with giving any trans person advice
is that I came out seriously so long ago and times have changed. You see reports
of so many toxic men harassing ciswomen these days which were barely seen in
the days when I was trying my hand at being a single woman at a big sports bar.
Plus, I am lucky to live now in a fairly liberal part of Cincinnati where the
public at large does not notice me, or care. I am allowed to exist in the world
as my true self in my own skin for the first time in my life.
I was fortunate to be one of those trans women who could get
out of her gender closet and exist in a stable world where I could flourish and
share my ideas about my femininity. Hopefully the new member of the support
group will stick around long enough so that I will be able to share thoughts
with her about appreciating her own skin. Another problem too is that the group
time is at a premium, so I am reluctant to take too much up with my thoughts. Such
as, if she is already out enough to wear feminine clothes and paint her nails,
what is she waiting for. Maybe she is waiting for someone to come along like I
was and kick me out of my closet for good. Which is what happened to me when I
was miserable trying to juggle living in both genders, and my future wife Liz
told me that she had not seen any male in me at all
Destiny really set in with me when my daughter came on board
with knowing the true me by saying among other things that I looked so happy. I
mentally added, because for the first time in my life I was having the chance to
live in my own skin.
Even with all the positives I was dealing with, I still had
to get out into the world and live my new reality. I always had some sort of an
idea that ciswomen live more of a complex life than men do, but I had no idea
of what I was walking into in my new high heeled shoes. Primarily learning to
deal with curious ciswomen and their passive aggressive behavior and
potentially drama-filled toxic men filled my evenings when I was going out in
my new skin in the world as I knew it. Through it all, I needed to adjust my
way of thinking quickly and radically away from the old male way I viewed the
world.
What kept me going was the fact that I felt so good and
natural in my new transfeminine skin. Deep down I felt this new life I was living
was always the way things should have always been for me until the cruel joke
of being born a biological male set in. It was something I would have to battle
for my entire life.
As far as the physical part of having a new skin, it was way
past time for HRT or gender affirming hormones to set in and help me. When I
was approved for my life improving hormones, it was like my body was telling me
I should have been on them all along. As my overall body skin softened dramatically,
along with bigger breasts and longer hair.
The best part of adding hormones to my body was the fact
that my emotions set themselves up to better appreciate the whole process. For
the first time in my life, I could cry tears of joy which I did when I began to
live my life in my own skin. I certainly loved it.
