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| Image from AC on UnSplash. |
I received a response from a reader seeking more input on how I was able to integrate myself into the lesbian and sports bar cultures.
First, thanks for the question as it is a complex one to try
to answer. It turned out, the lesbian culture was the most difficult to be
accepted into. I began my journey in Dayton,
Ohio around the year 2005 while my second wife was still alive. Back in those
days, there were still lesbian bars in business for me to go to. It is
important to note, one of them was essentially a lesbian biker bar and they
hated me. Especially when I played “Shania Twain’s” I Feel Like a Woman in
the bar. Even still, they barely put up with me until I found a better venue to
go to.
It turned out, relatively close along the road was another
small lesbian bar which had just opened, so I tried it out. Imagine my surprise
when the first bartender I saw, knew me as my male self also. She saw through
my femininized appearance, and I was treated very warmly, which helped me gain
acceptance from the other patrons. I was able to relax and look around at the
dynamics around me.
What I immediately noticed was where I fit in the layered levels
of women in the bar. There was everything from very masculine butch lesbians,
all the way to their femme girlfriends who came with them. I learned very
quickly, with my jeans, boots and makeup, I fit right in with the femme
lesbians, even to the point of attracting attention of a few of the butches.
Who, on occasion, bought me beers and flirted with me. In fact, my first dinner
date was with a super butch who went on to become a full-fledged transgender man.
Keep in mind also, back in those days, I was much younger and could present
much easier in public once I learned the basics. Such as, what I was going to
wear when I went to a lesbian bar. There would be no dresses or skirts for the
evening.
It is also important to note, my next foray into the lesbian
culture was pure luck or destiny if you don’t believe in luck. This is where my
sports bar experience comes in. Keep in mind, I had managed sports bars for a
living in my past and had a basic knowledge of how I would go about becoming a
regular. Again, I needed to dress to blend, stay friendly, smile and tip well.
My plan worked well and soon I did become a regular at several venues where I
had gone to as a man and always wondered if I could repeat my visit as a
transgender woman.
On one night, one of the bartenders asked me if I would be
interested in meeting her single lesbian mother and I said yes. We ended up
getting along well and even ended up adding another lesbian woman by complete
chance who I ended up partying with for years until I met Liz and moved to
Cincinnati. As destiny would have it, Liz identified as a lesbian also, so my circle
was complete. I was basically protected from the world until I could learn many
of the nuances of being a transgender woman. Such as, I did not need a man to
justify my existence.
I guess you could say, my seismic gender shifts just came
along when I needed it, or when I was questioning my sexuality. I had always
gotten along with women easier than men and their interest in me sealed my
future in the world. I enjoyed immensely going to lesbian mixers and being
flirted with on occasion. I always thought it was because I was hitting some
level of middle gender with some women who were not intimidated by a woman who
used to be a man. They were intrigued and even impressed by my honesty in how I
approached my life.
Sadly today, around here at least, there are very few pure
lesbian bars left to learn in, and the younger generation seems to be more
accepting of the transgender world. Which is what is scaring all the politicians,
shoving unjust laws down our throat. However, I don’t want to get too far off
the subject and just say my acceptance into a totally new culture as a
transgender lesbian came at a cost. But a good one and I had friends.
