It's All a Dream
|Transvestia Cover from|
the year I graduated
When I began my gender journey years ago, little did I know many of my dreams would become a reality.
In the midst of being so young, all things were possible but at the same time impossible. Here I was so all alone in my very dark, isolated closet thinking I was the only one in the world who wanted desperately to be a girl. I would be years away from my first "Transvestia" Magazine where I learned there were actually many others like me called transvestites. Plus, from that point forward, I had other cross dressers to compare myself to. After all, there were so many others who looked wonderful and I could only dream of looking like.
Then, "Transvestia" opened the door to more one on one interaction with other transvestites by publicizing social mixers I could actually attend because some were close enough geographically to be there. I did go and was exposed to a whole new world I never knew existed. There were cross dressers trying to hide their feminine side with cigars and cowboy hats (way before the Urban Cowboy movie) all the way to the impossibly beautiful transsexuals' who I couldn't believe were ever male at all. Through it all, I still had the impression I did not totally belong in either group. I could dream of looking as good as the second group I mentioned, but getting there was going to take me quite a lot of work.
Ironically, the mixers led me to networking myself to smaller groups of like minded individuals in Columbus, Ohio which was a much shorter drive to where I lived but far enough away I would not be recognized as a version of my male self. Back in those days, he was standing directly in the way of all my feminine dreams and making any progress difficult to maintain. In many ways, he and my second wife were allies against my authentic self who so much enjoyed the new interaction she was having at the small parties she was attending in Columbus. Those attending again included anyone from cross dressers admirers to lesbians to transsexuals headed for genital realignment surgery. I was able to learn from them all and wonder what future path my life could take. Following the parties, I would spend days daydreaming of the next one and would I be able to get time off of work to actually go. With or without my wife who was normally the only spouse who attended the small mixer. I could sense the whole evening was not enjoyable for her.
As much as my gender daydreaming threatened to disrupt my everyday life during the days following the party, I still found time to do my job well. As well as dream of my next move. Which was could I ever think or dream of considering a life as a full time transgender woman. The term was just being coined at the time and to me it meant a new freedom from the old belief transsexual's needed to complete their gender surgery, sever all ties, then move away and just disappear. Perhaps there was hope for me yet.
Through the small sliver of hope I maintained over the years, it was true I could have the life I had always dreamed of. I was able to carve out a life in what I considered to be a feminine dominated world. Gone were the days of trying to please my old male self with how I dressed and in came the days of dressing to blend with the majority of the women I encountered in the world. It all led to me considering and beginning hormone replacement therapy and really changing my life away from my old male self. Basically as far as I could without surgery.
What I really learned through it all is if you can manage to live long enough, life is but a circle and some dreams can come true if you can stay the course. Which essentially what happened to me.