Man Speak?

If you have never been spoken down to as a woman by a man, you don't know what you are missing. I learned very quickly what I was missing...most of my intelligence. Both binary genders learn quickly how to communicate within themselves but normally aren't very good at dealing with the other gender.

I provided one example in my "Short and Sweet" post and Connie provides us with another:

"So, it's not just blondes, huh? At least you avoided the mansplaining.

I remember an episode of "Father Knows Best," wherein Jim was teaching his wife, Margaret, how to drive. While he thought it important that she have a working knowledge of the mechanics of the car before learning how to drive it, Margaret wanted to just turn the key and go. As I recall, they never got out of the driveway during that first lesson - which ended in a fight, leaving Jim bewildered at Margaret's incompetence and Margaret feeling down because of Jim's mansplaining. Of course, Father rarely knew best on that show, which aired in the 50's, but there are still many men who make the same mistake today.

Most of my working life was spent in the construction field. I knew my business, and I had (still have) a working knowledge of the building process. I learned something new every day, but not because it had been explained to me in a condescending manner. It was all man to man, and we spoke the same language. Since I began transitioning, though, I have found it best to not even let it be known that I am still fluent in manspeak. If I am working on a project around the house, and go to the supplier for parts (and maybe a bit of advice), I will allow for some mansplaining, but I just ask the right questions in order to get the needed information and materials.

Sometimes, the smart thing to do is to appear to be a bit dumb, even if there are other times when all I want to do is to turn the key and get on with it."

My best example still is the tow truck driver who wouldn't listen to my directions to my own house! At that point I was still very new to the feminine experience  and was aggravated for awhile until I learned this was going to be indicative of my new life.   FYI, I was a blond back in those days.

Don't Bother me Dammit

Yesterday, I went with Liz to her two doctors appointments. I was hoping to see again the young transgender woman I met the last time I was there. But, I had no such luck. Time went fast though and soon we were headed to one of the big box lumber stores to try to pick out boards to break for Liz's martial arts classes. It's not as easy or as difficult as it sounds as you have to select boards with just the right grain, or risk injury.

As you all probably know the big box construction stores contain almost as much testosterone as lumber. As I guy, I once restored an old house, so I used to know my way around them as well as the next man and truthfully are not my favorite places to go back to as a trans woman. Although I have rarely had a problem.

But I regress.

One of my fave older p

After Liz picked out her boards, she had to find someone to cut them to length for her, which always is a challenge. Yesterday turned out to be even a bigger challenge.

The guy she found to do it obviously thought we were putting him out as he begrudgingly cut and slammed the boards down.

I watched with humor as Liz killed him with kindness and he finally helped her load the finished product into the cart.

I remembered not so fondly those male days of my life. Hopefully, the guy was able to get back to doing nothing and feeling good about it. 

Correction

In the long history (8 + years) of the Cyrsti's Condo blog, I have been fortunate enough to have tried to seek out the facts I write about successfully. But, I am human too (and spell check isn't), so I have been known to mess several up too.

In the "Old and New Friends" post I inadvertently spelled Monika's name with a "C" not a "K". My apologies.

Monika also noticed the "Mom" comment about her too. Unfortunately, I didn't take the extra effort to mention we are both approximately the same age.

As you may remember, initially I got my feelings a little hurt when she commented negatively about my hair...just like my own Mom would have done. So, the "Mom" comment wasn't really about age at all.

There is a happy ending to all of this... I hope. After I got my hair done and colored Monika did make me a nice bunch of compliments.

That is what I would have desperately wanted to happen with my real Mom. Maybe it was all wishful thinking. I am sorry I put Monika on the spot though. It wasn't fair to her!

Short and Sweet?

This post is going to be decidedly shorter than the usual ramblings I turn out.

We have been having troubles with our internet provider and had to have a service person come to the house to solve the puzzle.

I'm not much of a technological genius, so most of the conversation between him and Liz was gibberish to me. Since Liz works from home and her computer/internet is very important, I just sat and listened.

Along the way, the service person said (in reference to me), she doesn't seem to know much about the system. I replied, I was basically only concerned with having the internet up and running enough to write my blog.

I was happy with being called by the proper pronoun and left it at that.

Break Down

Connie kindly read the lengthy article I spotlighted here in Cyrsti's Condo about the ridiculous transgender military ban. You can see the post here. Here is her (Connie's) take:

"Let me first make it clear that I think this ban is ridiculous, and unconstitutional, as well. Bravo for these women's efforts!

The part of the story that really intrigues me is this part:

"She’s worried about people who are only just realizing they’re transgender. Hendrick came out at 46 years old and hadn’t known of a trans person other than on television before 2014. She said one of her clients realized they were trans after seeing congressional testimony from a trans military member.
“When I realized what was going on with me, I was like ‘I have to transition now, even if it ruins my career. I’ve been alive for 46 years and I have not experienced life as who I truly am. I need to do this,’” Hendrick said.

I realize that my gender identity and dysphoria are mine, and mine alone. I can't expect that every other trans person has had the same experiences. However, it's difficult for me to believe that one goes through life, especially into middle-age, unaware of their own dysphoria - let alone never seeing some sort of similarity between themselves and trans people they have seen on TV. I also understand denial, but you can't deny something unless you've first recognized it.

I can only take her (Hendrick's) statement as her own truth. When I was 46, I was hiding in the closet, having lived with my dysphoria since early childhood. While she made a complete transition (physically, anyway) in just two years, I was still hiding myself in the closet at 48. In fact, it was another ten years before I could decide that I had to live the rest of my life as a woman. 

I certainly don't advocate following my path to transition, but, even had I not been the procrastinator that I am, I don't think I could have made such a drastic change in only two years' time. Although I don't believe in all the "rapid onset" nonsense, this case seems just about as rapid as it could be.

As I said, intriguing."

Thanks! 

Old and New Friends

Liz's spiritual get together Sunday was great for the soul. Plus, I was able to reestablish old friendships and hopefully begin several new ones.

It was actually the second of two meetups we had to go to. The first was our monthly meeting for the Cincinnati Witches Ball which is coming up in October. The best news was we have a new venue since the old one was sold. It will be held in the party room of one of the bigger craft brewers over the Ohio River in Kentucky. It's all very exciting and our theme this year is "Steam Punk."

As I said, it was nice to see several old friends again who live a distance away. Among others, it was good to see Debra,Mickie, David, Ernie, Monica, Don, Casey and others. I also had a chance to meet a couple of other new attendee's Nikki and Katrina. 

After the ritual, we all sat down to eat and chat. It was nice when a couple people asked me about my weekend of experiences at this years' Trans Ohio Symposium. Liz was fueling the fire when she had to describe my drunken attack by a guy at Club Diversity when I was leading the conversation towards being interviewed for a book on transgender history. It was interesting trying to describe how the person doing the interview preferred pronouns were "they, them and their."

All in all, the weather was very nice and the day was outstanding.

The Effects

I fear not many really care about the effects of the senseless transgender military ban instigated by the "liar in chief" in the White House. To spotlight the issue, I found this article from the Annapolis, Maryland Gazette and Selene San Felice 

Alice Ashton and Deidre Hendrick

It concerns two transgender women struggling to fight the ban as it goes into full gear.

The article provides great insight into the timing and struggle around the ban and is worth a good read.

Follow the link above to read it.

A Busy Sunday

Saturday was a typical day, running errands and thinking about our transgender - cross dresser social on Friday night.

Friday night was fairly normal too, with the usual suspects attending. Approximately fourteen mixed in with a transgender guy, and a couple cis women. Ironically, for once, there were almost as many cross dressers as trans women. It didn't really matter, as everyone conducted themselves in a respectful manner.

Saturday, per norm, I accompanied Liz to her martial arts class and ran into one of her co-horts whom I know to a fact is a member of my support group. He must be a part time closeted cross dresser. I don't know what was wrong with him (or me) yesterday. For once I tried to be nice and speak to him but was repulsed by his head to toe inspection of me and a scowl. So much for that idea. However, he was counter balanced by Liz's instructor who said hello with a big smile.

As always, grocery shopping and other errands went on without incident. Maybe the closeted cross dresser was jealous I am living my real life, or he didn't like I was not dressed "up" to his standards.

Today, Liz is hosting a ritual circle for our group. A chance again to see my "adopted" Mom. I doubt today if my hair will pass her inspection since it has been awhile since I have been to my hair dresser. But again, we will see.

Jen Richards

Jen Richards is a transgender activist, writer, actress, and producer. Richards was born in Mississippi and resides in North Carolina. She graduated from Shimer College with a BA in Philosophy, and studied at Oxford University.