Victory March?

At last night's transgender - cross dresser support group meeting, it occurred to me how long and drawn out process the journey is to cross the gender frontier and live with your gender dysphoria.

Last night, the full range of people were there. We had everyone from a total beginner to gender fluid individuals to full time trans women and a trans man.

As the beginner struggled with his/hers emotions and talked to the group, I remembered back to my ancient transvestite days when I first came out to a small group of friends. Rightfully so, it seems like it was long ago.

As most of you Cyrsti Condo regulars know, my journey includes several suicide attempts. One active and a couple passive ones. That is why I consider my path a victory march

I can't ever tell you it gets a whole lot easier but then again, life becomes so much more satisfying. A victory to be sure.

Gender Dysphoria

Saturday Liz and I went out to eat with her brother to celebrate two birthdays...hers and her son's. The steakhouse we went to is very familiar to me and really, I have never had any problems there. So, I couldn't understand why my dysphoria was giving me fits. It can only be described as a deep seated groundless anxiety.

Of course, it started to settle down as once again, outside of a couple looks, I didn't receive any negative attention. Even when I used the women's restroom.

I suppose I might as well just get used to it. Being transgender brings with it the inherent need for feminine acceptance and often, the acceptance is very hard to find in a world out to justify it's own acceptance.

On many occasions, I refer to my dysphoria as a form of PTSD. Which could be true too. I personally have never met any trans women who haven't experienced it. Some to the extent of subjecting themselves to seemingly endless painful medical operations.

I just went through too much error, in the "trial and error" cross dressing period of my life and, when you think of it, lasted much longer (so far) than my full time out and about years as a trans woman.

It's ironic too that I haven't experienced any significant public problems in years, so I can't justify the way I feel. At all. Perhaps I might as well just get used to it!

Veterans Day

As I sit here on a cold Sunday morning snuggled in...my mind travels back to my own military experience.

Then, I thought of all of those who came before me and especially all the men and women who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

Plus we all know the disproportionate amount of transgender troops who took their closeted secret all the way to the grave.

To all of you who served,  or are serving now, you have my thanks!

Her Cup Runneth Over

Connie wrote in and commented on my very rusty bucket list. Before we get to her comment though, I have a short experience to relay from last night.

It was Liz's birthday yesterday and since my baking skills are lacking, I stopped and bought us a couple pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream to celebrate. Without the candles...quite a few in her case! :)

When I went to cash out, at the Walgreens, a young man rushed up to take my cash/card. As I was fumbling around for my card, I looked up and found him staring me right in the eye. As he did, he became really enthused to wait on me. Chance are he was entranced with meeting a real live transgender woman. Or better yet, he was a novice cross dresser himself.

Now onto Connie and her rusty bucket:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEENovember 8, 2018 at 12:39 PM

"Who needs a bucket when, already, her cup runneth over?

I used to look at life as a long "To Do" list. I was prolific in my list-making, too. In fact, in my procrastinating way, I would spend as much time making lists as I did doing the things on the lists.

A list is all well and good, but it's how we prioritize that is important. The love of family and friends should be at the top of the list, and it's amazing how so many of the other things just fall into place when one does that.

A bucket list contains those things one wants to do or experience before death. At my age, many of the things that I never got around to doing or experiencing can no longer be accomplished. I never had listed regrets, and I'm not about to put them on my list now.

One of my favorite songs is "Nature Boy.":

The greatest thing,
You will ever learn,
Is just to love,
And be loved in return. "

Awwwh!  So nice :) 

A Group Hug

Last night was a social group meeting which Liz and I attend on a regular basis.

A cis woman from Germany I have become friends with was there and we had a nice chat. Mainly, we talk about our travel adventures but last night she asked if I had a bucket list.

I paused and said travel wise, the only place I would like to visit was Nepal. I had a chance when I was in the Army years ago and didn't do it. Thinking I had a long life ahead and would have plenty of time to do it. So much for "forward" thinking...right?

Then I changed the subject and said in addition to traveling around the world compliments of Uncle Sam, I don't have much of a bucket list. After all, I managed to graduate from college and even get chosen for American Forces Radio and Television. Plus, my daughter has turned out three wonderful grand kids and is a quality person.

I used to have a trans list before I went on HRT and began living full time as a transgender woman, but by now, there hasn't been much I haven't done.

I told my friend though, she and the group were on my bucket list. I always just wanted to be accepted as my true self and I had made it. I added how wonderful it was, all of them take it for granted and I never have. They just will never understand what they have done for me.

My bucket list must have a big hole!

There Was Good News

Depending upon where you live, there was good news which came out of this years' Mid-Term Elections.

Here in Ohio, predictably the backward rednecks in the state elected a governor firmly in the pockets of the big insurance and pharmacy companies but re-elected our incumbent Democratic senator. The senator who spoke via recording two years in a row to our Trans Ohio Symposium.

In Massachusetts though:

It became the first state to uphold protections for transgender and non-binary people at the ballot box by voting to preserve the state's anti-discrimination law.

Voters on Tuesday overwhelmingly approved the Question 3 ballot initiative to keep the current wording of the state’s anti-discrimination statute, according to news website MassLive. Official numbers have not yet been released.

And, in Vermont,  A candidate with Upstate New York roots made an unsuccessful run for the Vermont governor's seat Tuesday. Despite the loss, she made history as the first transgender candidate to be nominated by a major party for a gubernatorial race.

Democrat Christine Hallquist, 62, a Baldwinsville, N.Y., native, lost to Republican incumbent Phil Scott. In a race with seven candidates. Scott gathered 149,312 votes (54.56 percent), followed by Hallquist at 108,639 (39.70 percent)

I am sure too, I am missing a few historic victories in state races across the country. Overall, despite the current administration trying to erase us, we are still scoring historic gains.

Voting

Received several comments about voting from across the spectrum. Thanks to all who sent in comments including the illustrious "Yeah...Whatever" Pat Scales (I am surprised New York or any state doesn't require some sort of I.D to vote though.) Connie and others.

One thing is for sure, I won't miss all the dirty political ads on television.

Other than that, we have a busy day coming up. Liz has a couple of doctors appointments, I usually accompany her to, plus we have to go vote of course.

I am running so far behind, I haven't even figured out what I am going to wear!

VOTE!

Unless you live off the grid somewhere, or are a clueless millennial like Liz's 21 year old son, you already know tomorrow (Tuesday) is election day.

This actually will be my third election voting with my feminine drivers license. In Ohio where I live, you have to show a photo I.D. to vote. I still feel as if it is a big deal!

I don't have to lecture you on the importance of voting in this election! However, I did add this tag to my Facebook profile.

Enough said!

So Simple

Or, should I say, "Keep it simple stupid." Today when we made our weekly trip to run errands and stop at the grocery store, I basically just threw on a pair of leggings with a lightweight sweater/blouse. I completed my outfit with a quick cover of foundation, a little eye makeup and lipstick. I them brushed out my hair and was ready to go. I didn't feel particularly good or bad about the way I looked...just, I was set to blend in with most of the other cis-women I would encounter. As it turned out, I was right. Liz and I were called ladies twice and I was able to carry on quite a little conversation with our bagger at the grocery store.

The only reaction I received out of the ordinary was when I came around a corner at the grocery store and almost ran into a wide eyed teen aged boy looking straight at me. Who knows what the heck he thought?

Even still, positive feedback is always nice. As Connie said:

"Welcome to Womanhood! Most women go through those periods (I'm not referring to THOSE periods) of being unhappy in the appearance department. At least you had a new dress to wear last night!

Having lived on the other side of the gender spectrum for so many years, especially those as a husband, we should be aware of the importance of a woman needing confirmation of her looks from time to time. While I used to make the effort to give praise to my wife on her appearance often (though really not often enough), I do not get the same effort toward me and my appearance from her now. It can be tough, at times, to keep my confidence level up.

Some may get all they need from press-on nails, and some of us need to just keep pressing on (hoping to, every now and then, nail it). ;-)"

It's been a long time since anyone said "welcome to womanhood! Thanks!