Heads Up? Or Down?

I recently revisited experiences I have had being mis-gendered, mostly in medical situations.  Very simply, I have basically have given myself only a couple alternatives when I respond.

My one hard and fast rule is to be very kind to anyone who is about to stick a needle into me. My second rule is to call anyone else out on their blunder. I feel it is up to me to educate people on what to do when they encounter a transgender woman or trans man.

Connie wrote in and took her rules to a different level:

"When I've been mis-gendered or had my dead name used in the past (it hasn't happened since changing my name and gender markers), while in a waiting room, I would always stay seated for a few seconds and not respond to the call. People in waiting rooms tend to look up upon hearing anyone's name, but they go back to their magazine within a few seconds. I always figured that I would be contributing to the outing of myself had I responded immediately, and waiting just those few seconds allowed me to discreetly answer the call. Of course, timing is everything, as I needed to also make eye contact with the caller before she or he repeated. After we were in a private place, I would correct them politely. 

My spouse works in a dentists office. They are careful to be respectful of trans patients, and they clearly mark charts pertaining to preferred name and pronouns. Just a couple weeks ago, though, there was a new assistant in the office for a one-day "working interview." While calling the trans woman patient to the back, she did use the proper name, but she blew the encounter - and her interview - by proclaiming: "You don't look like a man at all!" I think she meant it as a compliment, but it just goes to show that even the well-intentioned can be ignorant, misinformed or uninformed. Of course, there are plenty of people who are just plain stupid, as well."

Good point! Thanks Connie.

Karate Banquet

Sometime ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about going to a karate banquet held by Liz's organization.

I finally did get a picture of us to send along:

As you can tell, it's time to color my hair again!

Transgender Support Group

Yesterday was my Veteran's Administration trans support group meeting. This time, there were no new attendees. So, everything went according to plan, which is rather boring.

What I did find out, and contributed to, was a future date when the entire hospital would be subjected to a LGBT sensitivity day.  When asked what I would add, I simply said two things. The first of which was, we are real, not just something you may happen to read about.  We may be exceedingly rare in your mind, but try to hold it together. After all trans people are just people too.

My second point was, when you do encounter a transgender person, one of the most important thing not to do is mis-gender us. At the least take the time to call us by our first name.

The problem I used to encounter before certain medical units began to know me, was someone screaming out "Mr. Hart" when announcing I was next to be seen.

We will see if anything gets done, although the hospital is pretty good now with it's LGBT sensitivity issues.

Daniela Vega to Make History

From Remezcla comes a good news - bad news story:
The upcoming Oscar presenters list included familiar faces like last year’s winners, Viola Davis, Mahersala Ali and Emma Stone,  Marvel’s newest heroes Chadwick Boseman (Black Panther) and Tom Holland (The Amazing Spider-Man), and awards season staples like Laura Dern, Jennifer Garner and Margot Robbie. But one name had us giddy with excitement: Daniela Vega. The star of Chile’s Oscar-nominated film A Fantastic Woman, unfortunately did not make history by becoming the first trans performer to earn a Best Actress nod as many predicted, but she’ll get to grace the Oscar stage regardless. In a year when Sebastian Lelio‘s film celebrates the strength and stamina of a trans woman and trans director Yance Ford earned a Best Documentary nomination for Strong Island, Vega’s presence on the Dolby Theater will feel all the more historic — a sign, one hopes, that Hollywood is ready to embrace and tell more authentic stories about the “T” in LGBT. 


And, a strong sign transgender women are beginning to gain acceptance as women too!

Good News

Amidst the usual bad news surrounding the transgender world, comes a bright story:

A trans teen will be under the care of his supportive maternal grandparents after an Ohio judge denied custody to the child's transphobic parents, the Associated Press reports.

The 17-year-old was suffering from depression and anxiety, and was deemed a suicide risk, possibly because his father refused to accept his gender identity nor allow his transition. A juvenile court judge in Cincinnati ruled on Friday that the child should be under the care of his maternal grandparents, who support his transition and are prepared to allow him access to hormone therapy. The judge did rule that the youth must see a psychologist before he can begin hormone treatments."

Hopefully, more successful cases such as this will follow!

Happy Sunday

Well, it has been quite the week, for a relatively quiet one.

As I wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am working on a borrowed computer until I can get the laptop I normally use up and running. Hopefully, it is something minor. I miss my normal spell check as well as other things I am used to, such as adding links. Oh well!

Again this week, I made another trip North to see one of my doctors at the VA in Dayton, Ohio. I narrowly missed seeing a transgender psychiatrist, I don't normally see. Not a big deal, except it is always nice to talk to another trans person. Who, by the way, is Mtf transitioning nicely. I can really notice a positive change. I know she transitioned into the VA out of the military, so I can only guess the courage and difficulty in what she is doing.

Yesterday, we hosted a birthday party here at the house for Liz's (my partner) brother.  He was fairly talkative for a change, and actually said a few things to me. So, the afternoon was pleasurable, I went with light makeup, a sweater and jeans. Since he has seen me many times before.

Also, I wrote about my desire to lose a few pounds here and there (mostly here) before Spring/Summer. I mentioned I have read HRT will make losing weight more difficult, as it changes your metabolism into a more feminine mode. Regular blogger Paula Goodwin wrote in and commented old age has something to do with it too. Thanks Paula! I think :).

Other than that, it was a very mundane week except for yet another tragic school shooting in Florida. I am taking this chance to send out my condolences to all of those directly affected by this senseless tragedy. I wish I could even begin to speculate where this is ever going to end. It's crazy I have to fear for my grand kids in school.

I hope your week was good also!

Spring Has Spung?

This is the time of year, here in Southwestern Ohio, when every once in a while, Momma Nature decides to tease us with a touch of Spring.

Of course we natives know, we have a long way to go before Spring weather arrives for good. The delay, though, does give us time to consider what wardrobe we have left and what we will need to face the season.

I'm thinking, I am about half way there, and need to do some discernible shopping to get me into the summer months.

Fortunately, I am hearing very good reports about a Dilliards Outlet Store in a nearby mall. If you are not familiar, Dillards is an upscale department store. I most certainly will be headed there to look, plus I am a confirmed "thrifter", and on occasion love to shop a couple of nearby thrift stores. I plan too on taking a few items of clothing to the exchange which is being planned for our cross dresser - transgender support group. Maybe I can pick up an item or two there.

Summer time Pic.

Also, weight has a lot to do with my Spring/Summer plans. So far, I have taken off the first four pounds of a planned twenty pound goal. We will see, how much harder weight loss will be for me now since I have been taking transgender HRT meds for over three years now. I have always heard, as a trans girl begins to pick up the body characteristics of a cis woman, it is harder for us to lose weight too.

I can only say, I have a long way to go.

Hopefully, Spring will have sprung around here by then, and I will be ready. Easily, I have until April to do it.

She's Baaack!

Once again, my lap top started dong crazy things and kicked me off. Luckily after a couple days of losing arm wresting with it, I was able to commandeer another computer to post with.  Hopefully the problem with the lap top is finding an obscure back up password which Liz has tucked away.

In the meantime, the only thing of note which has happened was another trip to the Dayton VA. I wore my new Red softy sweater, jeans and walking tennis shoes. Not very sexy, but very comfortable for a normally very long hike across the parking lot.

I had to have my blood labs taken, which normally isn't a bad deal, but this time I was unlucky enough to be a pin cushion for a brand new student.  She stuck the syringe in and nothing happened. Then she panicked and wildly began looking around for help from her "teacher" who was out of the room bitching about some sort of other problem.

Finally she found help and after profuse apologies, managed to take my blood. I think I only was called a mumbled "he" once. I have a hard and fast rule to not aggravate people who are sticking needles in me though, so I didn't say anything. Plus, I couldn't be sure if I didn't make it up.

My next appointment, was a rare one with the transgender psychiatrist I see every now and then. My regular therapist is a psychologist. Unfortunately, she wasn't there yesterday and I saw someone else.

So, all in all, a pretty uneventful day!

Reliving the Past

Perhaps you recall me telling you about my new friendship with a transgender woman who is now starting more and more to find her way in a feminine world.

Much of what we talk about has to do with her "dating life" or, the attempts to establish one.

From her, I understand now there is a trans LGBT dating appt and, why wouldn't there be. I know back when I was seriously seeking dates from mainly men, there wasn't such a thing. If there was or wasn't, according to my friend, her initial results are largely the same as mine.

For example, one guy wanted her to dress up like a ten year old girl and another just wanted to wear her panties.

Of course I told her to be very careful and she said she always insists the guy wears a rubber. I said well, that is all well and good but make sure you don't get get caught off guard and basically raped or molested. Don't assume all of your old male privilege against it still exists.

Then, I related the story about the night I was cornered at a party by a man much larger than I, so quickly, it made my head spin. If it wasn't for a cis woman bailing me out, chances of my mini skirted rear making it out of the situation may have been dim. I am enclosing a picture of a close proximity to what I was wearing.

From that point on, it has been lesson learned. I have discovered I must be aware of what it going on behind my back...with men and women. I discovered early on too, a woman can smile to your face, while at the same time, stab you in the back.

I also told my friend to look at the dating process this way, she is just going through the same process every cis woman does!