Just When You Thought it Was Safe

Following the Cyrsti's Condo post about Walgreens and the trans woman who was denied access to the woman's restroom who sought relief from the ACLU (Successfully)...comes another transgender rest room experience:

The transgender woman who claims she was harassed, handcuffed, and detained for using the women's restroom at Fantasy Springs reaches an agreement with the casino.

The woman described the experience as making her feel "sub-human" and the handcuffs even left bruises on her wrists.

The casino in question is in California and "Ella" was released when she told deputies she had done nothing wrong.

Details of the settlement were not released.

Where Are You From?

Off the top of my flat head, a couple people I know read Cyrsti's Condo are fortunate to live in LGBT friendly areas of the country. They would be Connie and Stana from Femulate. Stana, I believe, lives in Connecticut. I am right in the middle here in Ohio which has pockets of acceptance around the big cities, combined with non acceptance in the rural areas. Plus, I live in a relatively liberal Cincinnati, Ohio suburb, and normally don't have any problems.

I know too, so many of you aren't fortunate to live in to a "liberal, accepting" transgender area. Even if you don't though, rest assured all of us have to deal with the occasional idiot/bigot.

Here's Connie's take:

"I can't argue that there is a cruel world out there, some of it more cruel than others. I know that I am fortunate to live in Seattle, which may be the easiest place for a transgender woman to live. Sure, there is still some cruelty to be found here, but it is tempered by an overall atmosphere of tolerance, even if much of it is due to political correctness. 

I am not a big fan of political correctness, but I do believe in tolerance. I feel that I must allow myself to have as much tolerance for others as I expect them to have for me. In doing so, I guess that I have to trade some warm and fuzzy for a little nitty gritty. This does not mean that I need to accept any intolerance displayed by others; I don't have to give it credence, either.

I was the victim of bullies more often in my youth than I am today. I was a weird kid who was trying so hard to hide my gender confusion that I just oozed a lack of self confidence. I was an easy target, the bullies thought, because of this. I learned, though, that the bullies were often even less self confident than was I, and a few well-placed words were more effective than allowing myself to buy in to their game. 

I am now living as a more confident person - the woman I have always seen myself becoming. I purposely put myself out in the world, both to test myself and a world with which I must be a part. In doing so, I grow as a person and as a woman, even if much of the world may still see me as a freak and as a "transgender' woman. I won't allow those monkeys to define me, however. I may have been born with a penis, but then we were all born with an asshole - it's none of my business that there are those out there who identify themselves by a body part they possess, and it's none of theirs how I identify myself."

So, there you go. The grass on the other side, may not quite be that greener. Thanks Connie.

Change Is Possible

From the LGBTQ Nation:

"Walgreens has announced it will change its bathroom policies after a transgenderwoman was discriminated against while trying to use the women’s facilities in Hollywood last year.

While on her way to LA Pride, Jessie Meehan stopped into a Walgreens store and asked an employee if she could use the bathroom. She said she was told she would have to use the men’s facilities because she “looked like a man.”

The ACLU of Southern California supported Meehan in her attempts to affect change, and it announced in a press release today that those efforts have been successful.

“Meehan ended up having to use a stall in the men’s room,” the statement recounts. “She was humiliated and upset. Afterward, she sought a change in the company’s policies.”

“Through her efforts, with the backing of the ACLU of Southern California, the Walgreens pharmacy chain with more than 8,000 stores nationwide adopted a policy to address bathroom discrimination,” it continues. “As part of a directive to employees, the company stated: ‘All individuals have a right to use restroom facilities that correspond to the individual’s gender identity.'”

This is of particular importance to me since Liz's son works at a Walgreens and a particuarly abrasive manager on occasion has referred to me as "he" on occasion. However, I have never had to use the restroom there. 

You may recall in a former Cyrsti's Condo post , the same Walgreen's does have a trans man employee, complete with his preferred pronouns on his name tag. Plus, Walgreens as a company normally is ranked with very good to perfect LGBT ratings. 

It proves once again, it only takes one to spoil the soup. There is more to this story. Go to the LGBTQ link above.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."

-- Herman Melville

Or, have the courage to be yourself!

A Quiet Week?

So far, after a fairly busy week last week, this week is shaping up to be pretty mellow, and normally it means really struggling to find what I consider to be quality blog materials.

In fact, when I talked to the transgender woman novice the other day, she said she was thinking of starting her own blog. I told her cool, but don't get hooked. Some days words come so easy and some days they don't come at all.

Writing about going out to the cross dresser, transgender social and another non related social event Liz and I went to Saturday help of course.

Plus, while we are on the subject of blogs, if you have a non spammed blog you want to trade links with, just let me know. If you remember the post here in Cyrsti's Condo that I had to delete after I wrote a welcome post when all of the sudden my anti virus software went nuts, that's why I say "non spam."

To kind of fill the gap, and post a few pictures, I found a few I haven't posted in awhile, deep in the dark recesses of my computer. Of course the one I really wanted to find, I haven't. I believe it to be the oldest picture I have...if I can find it.

The picture today is from my first trip to the beauty salon approximately four years ago. I am amazed how much my hair has grown!

At the time, I had just decided to come out to my daughter as trans (who is very accepting) and the salon visit was a gift.

Plus, since I never say this enough...thanks sooooo much for making Cyrsti's Condo your regular stop :)

More "Scratching the Surface"

After reading comments from me and readers like Connie, you might think the confidence we share comes naturally...but the opposite is true:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 2, 2018 at 2:12 PM

Early picture. Blond in sunglassess.

I, like many of us, spent a lot of time dressed up in front of a mirror all alone. I was always, and still am, my own biggest critic. There's not much that another person could say or do to me that I haven't already imagined and run through in my mind. I have been studying my own dichotomy for so many years that I am conditioned to see both sides of just about everything else in the world. That's why I can, more often than not, come up with a witty retort to another's words or actions. I've found that to be more disarming and effective when dealing with bullies; turning their own words or actions around can twist them to their knees. To argue with them or to say some random mean thing back only serves to escalate, and showing weakness by expressing the hurt only gives them permission to continue. Short of that, or when the right words don't come immediately, I have learned that I can - and have the right to - keep my head held high and walk away from the situation.

Of course, there have been many times, after an unpleasant incident, when I've cried my way home, alone in the car. I must also say that I don't do that nearly as often these days.

It's been said that one monkey don't stop the show, but I've found that making a show of the monkey can stop the monkey. This is my show - the one I had kept under wraps for way too many years. I have no time to waste on the monkeys of the world, yet I am prepared to come across one of them at any given time."

I too can not count the amount of tears I have shed over the years. What gets to me is when I am off in my own little world (which is warm and fuzzy) and someone comes barging into shatter it. That's when I get taken by surprise to the point of not having a good or great retort.

These days, I have decided to not have the problem and keep the cruel world out...when I can. Being in the LGBT transgender tribe is tough though, as we know.

Living in a Woman's World

Yesterday, I spent an hour plus talking to a friend's sibling who was struggling with questions as to coming out as a transgender woman.

Along the way of course, she asked what my definition of a cross dresser versus a transgender woman is. You Cyrsti's Condo regulars know I feel the difference is a cross dresser wants to look like a woman, while a trans woman wants to be a woman.

From there, my new friend said she probably belonged in the transgender category.

As the conversation continued, we crossed into the area of sexuality. I said, I wasn't really attracted to men, but had dated a few...with no substantial results. On the other hand, she seemed to be attracted to men...which is absolutely fine.

Old Halloween Picture with Cis Friend

I did tell her to see if she could tell if her attraction was real, or simply a mode of validation. I used to be a believer being on a man's arm was the fool proof method of passing in the world as a woman.

Again (as many of you know), as I transitioned, my first three strong friends, and later my partner of seven years, all just happened to be cis woman lesbians. So, I didn't really have to worry what most men thought of me, since I didn't need them anymore for my validation as a trans girl.

All in all, the hour and ten minute conversation turned out to be a really educational experience for me, as I mostly just sat back and listened. I only really reacted when asked a question.

It was good to help and by the way, from her pictures, she is a Mtf transition natural.

I Made It

The "night out" went OK. The place was packed to start with with mainly a big party of millennials. However the overall mix of people was pretty evenly mixed.

As we came in and waited for the hostess to try to find our party, I did get a few looks, but nothing out of the ordinary.

We finally found our group and settled in. For once I didn't say anything real stupid and got a picture.

To the left, you will see Liz and I with Jill. I was geeking all over her because she is a retired train engineer. I am a huge train fan.

Liz somehow came out looking like a ghost, much to her chagrin. She has a pale complexion anyhow and the lighting made her look like a witch...which she is anyhow. :)

Some of the group even "sang" Karaoke. All I can say is they are much braver than I!

Although Liz and I had to leave fairly early, everyone in the group seemed to conduct themselves in a proper manner. I was pleased! 

The "Good Doctor" Gets a Lesson

From TV Guide:

"The Good Doctor's star physician is going to be a bit perplexed when he encounters his first transgender patient in Monday's episode. For Shaun (Freddie Highmore), who likes exact scientific definitions, it's difficult to understand the full spectrum of gender identity when he had been raised to think of it as a binary.

Over the course of the episode though, the patient, Quinn, will teach Shaun a thing or two about being misunderstood, and he'll see that the two of them have more in common than he thought. So many people try to put Shaun in a box, but when Quinn explains that she's only ever been able to be herself, something clicks deep within Shaun.

While this new perspective will be a healthy thing for Shaun, he's still going to ask some cringeworthy questions along the way as he tries to understand Quinn better. Luckily, the young patient is pretty wise and is ready to swing curveballs back."

The "Good Doctor" is on Mondays at 10:00PM EST on ABC.  Follow the links above for more.