More "Scratching the Surface"

After reading comments from me and readers like Connie, you might think the confidence we share comes naturally...but the opposite is true:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 2, 2018 at 2:12 PM
Early picture. Blond in sunglassess.
I, like many of us, spent a lot of time dressed up in front of a mirror all alone. I was always, and still am, my own biggest critic. There's not much that another person could say or do to me that I haven't already imagined and run through in my mind. I have been studying my own dichotomy for so many years that I am conditioned to see both sides of just about everything else in the world. That's why I can, more often than not, come up with a witty retort to another's words or actions. I've found that to be more disarming and effective when dealing with bullies; turning their own words or actions around can twist them to their knees. To argue with them or to say some random mean thing back only serves to escalate, and showing weakness by expressing the hurt only gives them permission to continue. Short of that, or when the right words don't come immediately, I have learned that I can - and have the right to - keep my head held high and walk away from the situation.

Of course, there have been many times, after an unpleasant incident, when I've cried my way home, alone in the car. I must also say that I don't do that nearly as often these days.

It's been said that one monkey don't stop the show, but I've found that making a show of the monkey can stop the monkey. This is my show - the one I had kept under wraps for way too many years. I have no time to waste on the monkeys of the world, yet I am prepared to come across one of them at any given time."
I too can not count the amount of tears I have shed over the years. What gets to me is when I am off in my own little world (which is warm and fuzzy) and someone comes barging into shatter it. That's when I get taken by surprise to the point of not having a good or great retort.
These days, I have decided to not have the problem and keep the cruel world out...when I can. Being in the LGBT transgender tribe is tough though, as we know.


Connie said…
I can't argue that there is a cruel world out there, some of it more cruel than others. I know that I am fortunate to live in Seattle, which may be the easiest place for a transgender woman to live. Sure, there is still some cruelty to be found here, but it is tempered by an overall atmosphere of tolerance, even if much of it is due to political correctness.

I am not a big fan of political correctness, but I do believe in tolerance. I feel that I must allow myself to have as much tolerance for others as I expect them to have for me. In doing so, I guess that I have to trade some warm and fuzzy for a little nitty gritty. This does not mean that I need to accept any intolerance displayed by others; I don't have to give it credence, either.

I was the victim of bullies more often in my youth than I am today. I was a weird kid who was trying so hard to hide my gender confusion that I just oozed a lack of self confidence. I was an easy target, the bullies thought, because of this. I learned, though, that the bullies were often even less self confident than was I, and a few well-placed words were more effective than allowing myself to buy in to their game.

I am now living as a more confident person - the woman I have always seen myself becoming. I purposely put myself out in the world, both to test myself and a world with which I must be a part. In doing so, I grow as a person and as a woman, even if much of the world may still see me as a freak and as a "transgender' woman. I won't allow those monkeys to define me, however. I may have been born with a penis, but then we were all born with an asshole - it's none of my business that there are those out there who identify themselves by a body part they possess, and it's none of theirs how I identify myself.