What Does It Mean?

I wondered what a "support group" meeting means to the average person reading Cyrsti's Condo.

By definition (of course) the group exists to support one another. Along the way, it's interesting to note some do need support, some not so much and some never will. I have written about them. If you remember the person with the phantom sexual realignment surgery claim I met.

On the other end of the spectrum, are the people who are really checking out different scenarios. Are they really cross dressers, or, on a deeper level transgender women or trans men. Through these groups, I have seen deeply troubled people all the way to thoroughly self  assured individuals.

You may ask, why do I go? Even though I may seem to be on the level of the self assured peeps (since I live full time), I am definitely not totally self assured. Plus, I try to tell all who care or ask, what a long strange troubled trip it has been for me to get here.

Also, I'm always impressed with the number of young people who show up for these meetings. Of course at my age (68) most people are younger! Almost all the younger people are struggling.

Some meetings I say a lot, some I say almost nothing. Most of the time, I wait for the conversation to come to me.

Plus, my path to coming out as a transgender woman, usually is so different than the rest of the room, there is very little connection.

I came out almost totally beside myself in almost totally non gay venues. Even though way early in the process, I did go out with a group of cross dressers, I just didn't feel apart of the group and more of a loner. Later, as I began to understand the difference between cross dressers and transgender women, I understood why I felt so different.

Basically, most of them wanted to look like cis-women, while I wanted to be one. There also more than a couple instances of drunken male behavior in a dress which really turned me off. So it was simpler for me to go my own way. On my own.

So far, I think I have been able to lend some understanding to trans lives from the perspective from one who lived in the closet for years. If I help one person, it is worth it!

That's what it means.

Retired?

This is another week I wonder about retirement. It seems every day I have something going on. Which isn't a bad thing.

Tonight (Monday) I have a transgender - cross dresser support group meeting here in Cincinnati. Tuesday I have my transgender veteran support group meeting in Dayton.
Wednesday, I have an appointment with my therapist at the VA.
Finally, Friday, Liz and I are going to her Black Belt Karate Banquet, which is semi formal.

As far as outfits go, it's basically leggings or jeans with a nice sweater for the first three days and a sparkly sleeveless top with a long flowing skirt for Friday. Pretty routine.

I can't write it enough, when you transition into full time feminine living, everything you think will happen does. You immediately have to begin to build a wardrobe which will include basics which can carry you in multiple situations. Also, you need some items for any special occasions which may crop up.

Of course, the good old sweats and T-shirts will still work around the house. Especially when you have been on hormone replacement therapy for awhile. You will give them a whole new shape!

Speaking of HRT, it's time for me to order more of my estrodial patches from the Veteran's Administration.

Retirement can wait!

Quick Post

In a hurry again this morning. Just a short note to say everything came out OK with my second mammogram. In fact, they recommended I should just get a screening next year and not the full fledged mammogram. Due to the time I have spent on hormone replacement therapy.

Yay!

Legging it Out

As I mentioned a couple days ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, today is the day I am scheduled to go back for another mammogram.

Of course now, I have to figure out what to wear. The weather is fairly decent for January in Southwestern, Ohio. The sun is out and the temperature is supposed to climb into the 40's (F). As I see it, I am working with two choices, jeans and/or leggings with boots. Or, I could go for walking comfort and wear my tennis shoes with jeans.

As far as a top goes, I try to go with a loose fitting sweater for ease of removal when I get there. If you are not familiar, you need to strip to your waist for the actual mammogram.

While I am on the subject of leggings though, I decided to pass along a link to another fashion site I follow by Ginger Burr. Her featured topic today centered around leggings and how to wear them effectively.
Here is a small example of what you will see and the link is here.

Nurturing Beauty Style Secrets Blog

5 Steps to Creating a Great Outfit with Leggings

JANUARY 18, 2018

Leggings and tunics are still popular. Women of all ages are wearing them

 and as a result I am regularly asked about how to wear them. The questions include:

• what’s appropriate
• how to layer tops and not look messy
• how to find tops that feel beautifull

Personally, I find leggings to be a great part of my wardrobe. I love the feel of them

 on my legs and how they flatter my legs. But I struggle to find tops/sweaters to wear 

with leggings. 

Of course "The Total Image Consultant" blog offers so much more.

You may want to check it out for ideas on your transgender fashion woes.

Or winning the fashion battle in a cis gender world!

I Wonder

Several items jump started the old noggin this morning and started me wondering.

First of all, Oprah's interview with another of my least favorite people, Rude Paul.  At least in this interview (and I didn't read or hear it all), Paul seems to stay out of topics he is not qualified to talk about. Like we transgender women.

Here is part of the interview from the Huffington Post:

As RuPaul says in the February issue of O, The Oprah Magazine and on the latest podcast for “Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations,” drag has been a powerful teaching tool for him on a level much deeper than anything aesthetic.

“What it teaches people is that ... all things are temporary,” RuPaul says. “Everything’s temporary: just clothes, some paint, powder – this body, even, is temporary.”

Yes, life itself is temporary, but being trans goes far deeper than the "3 P's"...paints, powders and parodies of cis women. For more on the interview, go here.

Also, to no surprise to anyone, T-rump has continued his attack on transgender rights. I will direct you over to Femulate for Stana's view on the situation.

I can only add, as I always do, you have chances to fight back in this situation. It's called voting. Even if you are deep in the closet now, it doesn't mean you will be forever!

Here in Ohio, a sweeping statewide LGBT rights law is up for debate and passage (I hope) in the state legislature. We are all hoping this time for a positive result. Which would include Ohio as a another inclusive state in the union.

More Snow and a New Mammy

It seems as if we can't get out of the snow belt totally around here. It has been been snowing off and on for about three days now. Plus again, we have been plunged back into to sub zero (f) temperatures. Fortunately, we are supposed to head up into the 40's and 50's soon.

Soon enough for my second round of mammogram x-rays on Friday. The nurse called yesterday and informed me the radiologist found something he/she didn't like on the first set of x-rays. I'm not too concerned because this is not the first time this has happened to me. As I remember, the first time it had to do with "dense breast tissue" which probably is an extension of my dense brain matter. So, at any rate, I will be negotiating the maize of traffic messes to get to the center for another mammogram. (Sigh.)

As I said before though, the alternative is much worse.

Also, in the much worse department, the bank called me and is supposedly correcting all my debit card name situation. It was quite the shock (as I had written previously here in Cyrsti's Condo) to see my old male name staring back at me on the new cards.

Such is the life of a transgender woman and oh yeah...damn I'm cold! If you are considering hormone replacement therapy and live in a colder climate, remember you will get colder. It's not just a myth cis -women make up for sympathy! 

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see big difference in your life. 

Yoko Ono

Validation?

Here's a question...what exactly do you think validates you as a woman. Transgender or not.

For me, finally, I came to the conclusion, my validation came from my mind. It took me, many years of "error and trial" to get there.

Of course I started in the mirror. Most certainly, the bewitching person looking back at me just had to be a woman, not just a witch. The mirror grew old quickly and I wanted validation from other sources. My dog didn't care, so people had to be next on the list.

People were hard to find. I lived in a rural setting, with very little access to makeup and other wardrobe essentials including a wig. Finally, I had to bide my time, go to college, serve in the Army and earned the chance to dress as a woman for the first of several Halloween parties.

Comments from the parties were mostly positive and I thought yes, I was being validated as a woman when I heard the comment I would make a better looking girl than a guy. While the comment provided positive reinforcement, in the long term it just proved to be more frustrating than validating.

As I came to the point where I was going out as a cross dresser a couple times a week, again, validations were mixed. Some days were blissful. Followed by ones of out and out hell. How could I ever think I could exist as a woman with people snickering at me.

I didn't quit though and kept going back to the drawing board. It took a while, but finally I came to the conclusion not to dress for men, but for women and life suddenly became easier. I began to have my girl card validated by other women.

From there, I could start to connect other dots and understand my true validation as a transgender woman was inside me all the time. I was born into it. Forget the time I was cornered by an admirer, or the compliments, or the snickers, or the out and out rejections. Being trans was my out and out birth-rite and I was going to seize it before not doing it nearly killed me.

In so many words, when I stamped my own girl card, I was validated and the world followed.

Oh No! Not Ozzie!

Connie sent in a comment to Cyrsti's Condo about which celebrities she has been mentioned as looking like and the complex relationship we trans women develope with beautiful women we have a crush on:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 14, 2018 at 3:18 PM

   
   "I've been told that I look like Leann Rimes, Connie Stevens, Jane Fonda, and even Connie Chung. I don't really see it, and I definitely never purposely tried to look like those women - or any woman in particular. I do try to present myself as I feel I am, which is a feminine creature of the human variety. Still, I was once put off a bit when a drunk girl said that I looked like David Bowie, as I am much more toward the feminine end of the gender binary. Maybe I should just be happy that nobody has said I look like Minnie Pearl, Phyllis Diller, or - God help me - Milton Berle in drag.
2. I don't know that I would agree in the lowering of expectations. I see it more as a mental move away from dysphoria toward reality. Whether cis or trans, I think it's normal to idolize beautiful women. Trans women of our age probably held on to our fantasies much longer than our cis contemporaries, just because many of us were living in a closet with no outlet for facing the realities of the outside world - where cis girls naturally become women.
   
   Rachel Welch was also a favorite of mine (and still is because I admire how she's aged with such grace and beauty). Sophia Loren is another, for the same reasons. I was attracted to them, first, in my pre-pubescence, but even more so as the testosterone increasingly affected my being. The dichotomy of both yearning to BE them and to HAVE them really messed with my mind most of the time, but cross dressing relieved the pressure. Even though I recognized that I could not be Rachel or Sophia, I could feel as though I was more like them than I was the boy who desired them sexually. I also recognized, early on, that watching Sophia Loren and Cary Grant in a movie added to my dysphoria. I was attracted to Sophia in the same way Cary Grant was, but I identified more with her than him. At the same time, though, I was not attracted to Cary Grant sexually. Such confusion for a young trans girl! Now, if I could have been Sophia, and Rachel would have been attracted to me, that would have been the best thing ever! Likewise, with Veronica and Betty, or Ginger and Mary Ann. In my mind, I desired Betty and Mary Ann, but I was either Veronica or Ginger in those scenarios. My attempts to cover those thoughts had me acting more like a dopey Archie or Gilligan to the outside world, however. 

1. 

   Wynonna Judd

   
   As I sit here at the computer, I am still in wake-up mode. The mirror on the wall shows me to be a mess of a woman. That's OK, though, because I can get into makeup mode to take away the mess, but I'm still the same woman - either way."
2. When I was much younger and just starting to live a feminine life as a cross dresser, people used to say I looked like Wynonna Judd, the singer. Much better than the bum on a bicycle at Pride last year who thought I was Ozzie Osbourne...yikes! 
3. 
   
4.