How Exhausting Is It? Part II

I'm always happy when Connie writes part of my blog for me, which makes it less exhausting!

"Your title reminds me of the in-unison question Johnny Carson's audience would ask to help him set up a series of one-liners. Being a transgender woman is so exhausting..."How exhausting is it?"...It's so exhausting that, by the time I've gotten ready to go out, I'm ready to go back to bed...It's so exhausting that I can hardly climb high enough to get into my heels...It's so exhausting that my neck is worn out from constantly looking over my shoulder...

One of the demarcation points leading to my own transition was when I realized it was more exhausting to put up a male facade than it was to be myself - the woman. The days of closeted cross dressing were all about the "transformation", relishing each step: the makeup, the wig, the undergarments, and the clothing. There wasn't much to do when all of that was completed but to admire myself in the mirror, so I exhausted nothing but time.

 Later, going out as my transformed self was exhilarating, but more exhausting than I would be realizing in the moment. Although I still can spend too much time getting ready some mornings, it has now become so routine that the thrill of it is, for the most part, gone. The one thing I would say is exhausting, if not just plain tedious, is shaving my face. A very close shave, one that will last the whole day, cannot be rushed. 

Now that I have to take blood thinners, I must be that much more careful, as any little nick may take an hour or more for the bleeding to stop. I can only marvel at my wife, who can roll out of bed at 6:40 AM, shower, get herself ready, and be at the bus stop at 7:00 AM. I spend that much time just for the shower and shave! Speaking of my wife, my transition can be as exhausting for her as it is for me. 

So, how exhausting is it? Who cares?!?! As long as one is tired FROM living her life to the limits, rather than tired OF living, it's a sign of time and energy well spent."

There is only one thing I want to know...who is Johnny Carson? :)

Seriously, well written!

How Exhausting is It?

First of all, a big congratulations to Stana at Femulate  on her 10th anniversary as a blogger...as Paula recently commented (thanks!) it is a huge task attempting to write a daily blog and stay relevant at all! By comparison I have been at it about five years and I sometimes can't imagine going ten! Way to go Stana!!!!!

Speaking of exhausting, I scanned a post recently about how exhausting it is being transgender. Well, it is for a number of reasons. First, your exterior appearance alone takes up quite a bit more time. All of the sudden the routine daily drag (no pun intended) of what you are presenting to the world takes a totally different spin. Unless you have the will power and finances, like me...I take a half hour to face the world.

An example was yesterday when we woke to a flat tire on one of the cars and I had to call my auto club for a free repair. He got here around nine and I was up much earlier to just get ready to face him in boots jeans and sweater.

Oddly enough, I used my trans privilege and received a nice coupon to take the car to the shop for a tire repair. The driver couldn't have been nicer.

Years ago, I was asked the question what kind of woman would I become? You regulars know I'm very casual externally but internally I think I am much like my Mom, who was for the most part hell on wheels. And, for that reason, I honored her by taking her name as my middle name.

Yes, it's been a long road from my initial scary steps as a girl so many years ago, but as exhausting as the trip had been at times (I wish I had the energy I wasted back) the exhilaration has been nearly as exciting.

Plus the trip isn't over yet. In many ways I still believe it is just beginning.

TGIF

Indeed, another Friday is here in the Cyrsti's Condo and since I have exhausted my life story experiences (mostly), material is sketchy.

This post goes way back to a simpler day in the early 1960's before LGBT and transgender were part of my and most others thought patterns. As you may or may not remember, transvestites were considered to be mentally ill. For me at least, these days even predated Virginia Prince.

I did have a few more responses to being "home alone" and the precious times we all remember. I was fortunate in that both of my parents worked but I had a two year younger super inquisitive brother who seemingly was always hanging around being a pest. So being totally alone and having free roam of the house and yard (since we didn't have any neighbors) was rare.

Dad built his own house and little did he know the long straight hallway he built in was a cross dresser's dream up to and including the full length mirror at the end.

Our mailbox was about 50 yards from the house down a winding driveway to the road which back in those days was very untraveled. Most of the time I could walk down the driveway feeling the delicious air on my nylon covered legs without ever seeing a car. Which was probably a good thing.

Unlike some of you (Connie) I never was able to spend the night by myself as a girl, so the nightgown experience was mostly out.

Of course the fear of discovery was always there, which truthfully added a little spice to the whole experience. But, as good experiences always go, the time alone went all too soon.

Mayor Comes Out of Closet!

"NEW HOPE, Texas - The mayor of a small town in Collin County announced she is transgender.

Jess Herbst is the mayor of New Hope, Texas. It’s a town of 600 people east of McKinney.

Mayor Herbst posted a letter on the town’s website explaining her transition from Jeff to Jess and her decision to live her life as a female."

In today's political climate, we need more of Jess in the LGBT community!

Just Take the Train

Another experience from Connie:

"In 1964, at the age of 13, I attended the Boy Scout Jamboree at Valley Forge. The council arranged for us to be transported across the country in Pullman railroad cars. The compartments were designed for one person, two if intimacy was desired. Despite the intimacy thing, we were made to "buddy up". To this day, I'm not sure why the "buddy" assigned to me happened to be the most obviously gay kid in the troupe. Maybe I wasn't as convincing with my overcompensation as I thought. For two weeks, as we choo-chooed across the country, I was teased by many of the boys and called "homo". All I could do was up my overcompensation, and I got in a couple of fist fights (something I had tried hard to avoid my whole life). 

Inside the compartment, it was like "The Odd Couple" - my Oscar to Bruce's (yes, his name really was Bruce) Felix. At night, attempting to sleep with a gay boy in a single bed really brought out the homophobia in me. Of course, in those days, I wasn't sure just what I was myself - but being gay was one of the possibilities that I was reluctantly imagining. (to play on your words, I was not interested in "finding" Bruce's "accepting unit"). It's not that he ever tried to do anything, but I worked at being as antagonistic as I could toward him so that he wouldn't take a liking to me at all. It's really too bad, as we each had our respective "secrets" and could have bonded and supported each other had we felt free to talk about them.

Just as we reached New York, I picked a fight with Bruce that ended our "roomie" arrangement, as the scoutmaster finally realized we were not a good match. The teasing stopped for me then, but, looking back at it, I imagine we all looked a little gay in our summer uniforms - shorts with knee-highs held up by tasseled garters - as we walked the streets of NYC. If only I could have been a Girl Scout and have been able to wear a skirt with those knee-highs!"

Could have been a kilt!!! Even in 1964 that had to have been one hell of a long train ride with a bunch of "tweener" boys!

LGBT News

Two articles of interest:

"The Boy Scouts of America has changed its policy to admit transgender youth who identify as male, marking the latest change in LGBT inclusion for the nearly 106-year-old institution.

Effie Delimarkos, director of communications for the Boy Scouts of America, confirmed the change to the Washington Blade in a statement amid widespread media reports of the new policy.“Starting today, we will accept and register youth in the Cub and Boy Scout programs based on the gender identity indicated on the application,” Delimarkos said. “Our organization’s local councils will help find units that can provide for the best interest of the child.”      

 My Son in Law and Grandsons are very active in scouting and to my knowledge even wear some sort of an Equality Merit Badge. So, I wonder if the national organization will not "force" a local program to accept a transgender boy? Just (as they said) find an accepting unit.  

And:

"White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer on Monday declined to discuss an anti-LGBT executive order from President Trump amid reports such a directive is in the works.

In response to a question from the Washington Blade, Spicer said he wouldn’t get ahead of Trump on any potential executive order he may sign.

“I’m not getting ahead of the executive orders that we may or may not issue,” Spicer said. “There’s a lot of executive orders, a lot of things the president has talked about and will continue to fulfill, but we have nothing on that front now.”

The potential executive order gained attention Monday after the Human Rights Campaign issued a statement acknowledging rumors it about and expressing concerns about executive actions that would rollback LGBT rights."

Both of these stories came from the Washington Blade...for more on "45" (Trump) go here.

No real surprise, right?

                                                   

"Left Handed Mail"

Two comments from my recent blog post "What Makes a Woman" from the "UK Huffington Post."
The first from Paula:

1. The problem with the child bearing ability definition is that would include a lot of Trans Men!
2. Good point! I wonder what the so called "purists" think about the trans men who keep all their reproductive organs to have a child or transgender women who have their sperm frozen for possible impregnation of a woman at a later date?
3. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 30, 2017 at 2:03 PM

   I disagree with the article's insinuation that the "very real feeling" equates to "You just are." They are not the same thing, although attempting to make them so may be the only way to explain gender identity to the average person. The problem is that to assume they are the same diminishes the validity of the "just are" premise. Certainly, accepting that oneself is left-handed or dyslexic comes from no feeling, albeit there are very real feelings that can emerge as a result of those things.
   
   One of the most disturbing things people relate to me is that they accept (or reject) my choice to act on my feelings of being a woman. Oftentimes, I am even congratulated for my courage to act on my feelings - or to be as I feel myself to be. Yes, I have a feeling of being true to myself through this transition, but it is really more due to the release of the bad feelings I have had in the past than the good feelings I get from my feminine expression. Still, my gender identity is not a feeling anymore than a cis woman's female gender is to her. The difference is that I am forced to be conscious of the same thing she may take for granted. It is that fact that creates the "feelings".

Thanks Connie and Paula :)

Just What the Hell Was I Thinking???

As I think back on my "Life Turns on a Dime" series of blog posts,  I did briefly think What the hell..etc?

I know many of you here in Cyrsti's Condo have gone through or are going through what I have/did and it is a cup half full or empty experience.

The half empty/negative experiences were the tears we shed to get to the places we are today. The half full experiences were simply we made it. We are the survivors of life's toughest climb. Looking down from Mt. "Genderest" gives us a unique view of society that very few humans are allowed to experience. Who doesn't want to re-event themselves?

Still, the transgender experience continues to be shunned by the majority of a mis-understanding society. Often, simply because we can not blend as well as we would like. Until you reach the point of "forced stealth", or when one lives her trans life on her own terms and the hell with the world.

I will say though, life on my end is getting easier. Not so much from a presentation viewpoint but from the public viewing me with a pleasant surprise. Not a mocking or mean response.

We simply didn't have a choice but to embark on the climb we made, We just had to do it or join the extremely high suicide attempts in our tribe.

So what the hell was I thinking? Survival!!!

What Makes a Woman?

Good question right? Now I have seen in various circles the questions rise again on rather trans women are "allowed" to use the "woman" word alone anymore or ever.

The easiest answer and the one most completely wrong is "child bearing ability" alone makes a woman. The problem with the idea comes with all the cis women born without the ability or will power to have children. Does that make them any less a woman? No.

Transgender women have just had a different path to express their femininity. Our femininity lies in the same places a cis woman's does- between her ears and in her heart. Gender identity is not about your physical sex or the clothes you wear but an innate sense of who you are.

Sooner more than later (maybe) society is going to understand we (transgender women and men have been around since ancient times and allow us to go our own way without roadblocks and recently:

“The medical profession has tried - and failed - for over 100 years to change the brains of trans people, in a bid to make their gender identity congruent with their body. Most clinicians now agree that the best solution is to realign people’s bodies to more closely match their gender identity, not the other way around.”

The UK Huffington Post recently carried an article which I have quoted from ( here ) Of interest is the fact feminists are once again attempting to distance themselves from the trans woman community for mainly the scientific failures mentioned above.

What I also don't understand is why now with attacks rising on women of all types (physical and legal,) feminists don't want to add to strength in numbers, our numbers.

Finally from the "Huffington Post" : “Being transgender should not be seen as an attempt to invalidate or diminish womanhood (or indeed manhood) any more than being gay should be seen as an attempt to diminish heterosexuality - they are just different experiences deserving equal acceptance and respect.

“Science cannot fully explain the experience of being trans. The suggestion that seems most likely is a neurological difference in the same way as dyslexia or left-handedness. It is a very real feeling which has been known in every culture throughout history.
“One does not need to understand it to simply accept that it is. The fact is no trans people can explain why they feel as they do. How do you explain why you are left-handed? You just are.