Cyrsti's Condo "Silver Screen" Update

As I wrote in the Sunday Edition, Liz and I watched "The Danish Girl" Saturday and "Carol" on a rare weekend when we go out to see two movies. Carol stars Cate Blanchett who is at once a powerful/cold wealthy woman at love with Rooney Mara.

On the other hand, Blanchett is vulnerable in the role and goes from sort of a regal/imitator to the girl next door peaking out of the shower with no makeup,

As I said/wrote before, we were interested in watching Carol also since it was filmed here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area and we happened to be downtown when they were gathering the vintage cars for the movie.

Since Carol is a love story between two women-yes there is a very erotic love scene. Sort of icing on the cake (so to speak.)

Of course between the two movies, "The Danish Girl" meant more to me from a purely personal nature. Lili Elbe's life (even though years apart) were so similar-MAINLY the interactions between her and Gerta her wife. I think I walked into the movie thinking Gerta gave Lili the green light for a transition which went all the way to one of the first sex reassignment surgeries. I was wrong. Gerta was hurt and questioning-mad and hurt through out the experience. To the point she used the magic words most all of us hear if we are married crossdressers or transwomen from our wives.  A transition is all about us.

I don't want to go into any more spoiler alerts than I did. I did overviews. 

Finally, if you live in an older city the size of Cincinnati, you may look around for what I call "boutique" theaters. They are usually around big colleges or upscale suburbs in reclaimed movie theaters.  Plus, the theaters are more apt to hold on to movies a little longer than the big box places with all the kids!

Cyrsti's Condo "The Sound Track" Fades

In rapid fire this week we have lost David Bowie and Glenn Frey to death. Frey of course was with the Eagles.

I see more than a little humor when the news stories say Bowie died early at 69 and Frey at 67 - hell at 66 I have years to go...I thought?

Of course my particular age of Baby Boomers felt the sting of death with the Kennedy's, Martin Luther King, Jim Morrison, Joplin and Hendrix all suffering an early death at the hands of others or by their own hands.

I wonder if you could ask any of the musicians in particular if they would quote the "Indy" Jone's comment about their life, :"It's not the years-it's the mileage."

I began to feel that way when I celebrated the "double nickles" (55). I had spent nearly all of my life running from my gender issues on top of a pesky bi-polar deal.

Through it all though, I was able to do some heavy duty playing along with the running and working to glue a life together with mirrors.

Perhaps when I miss a Bowie or Frey, the hurt is a bit deeper for me. The soundtrack meant a lot.

So much so, I have picked a tune for when and if I am fortunate enough to leave this existence in peace- "Call Me the Breeze" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Read the lyrics and you will understand and if you have ever heard it-turn it up REAL loud and listen for the keyboards!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch and if you live around this part of Ohio your porch is cold and getting colder by the hour-down into the zero degree range by tomorrow. Yikes! It's time to make a cup of Buckeye hot cocoa (with a tad of peanut butter) and maybe a little protein powder too. So, let's get started!

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't:  For Liz (my partner) and I, the weekend was the whole week essentially. Friday night we joined our friends for dinner which was cool as I wrote about and today we hope to make the early (old peeps) showing of the movie Carol  

The  film tells the story of a young aspiring photographer and her relationship with an older woman going through a difficult divorce. Highsmith based the character of Therese Belivet on herself, after an encounter she had in 1948 with a woman while she worked 

at Bloomingdales in New York City. Other than being an LGBT based film, the "movin' picture show" was actually filmed around the Cincinnati, Ohio area.

Page Two-Yesterdays' Coffee-Check Your Fluids-Opinion: Recently, I wrote more in depth of the dinner with a group of friends we went to Friday and the chance I had to sit close to a transgender man friend I have who I believe (like the majority of us) has struggled with gender fluidity. The reason I say that is, early on when I met him-I used the male pronoun and learned I may have been the only one that was. Of course I asked him and he said it didn't matter. So now I listen for what his partner calls him of course. 

Gender "Fluidity" may be more prevalent than we think, similar to transgender women and men. As Connie commented "As dazzled as you may be when you learn from someone that they know another trans person, it should give you pause to wonder just how that trans person is presenting herself or himself, and then how are you being viewed in the inevitable comparison." Good point! So many times it's NOT all about us. And, the more we realize it, the better chance we have to move on with our lives in our intended gender. A point which was made in the "Danish Girl" which we saw last night.

Page Three-The Back Page - Saving the Best for Last: I was literally shaken after viewing "The Danish Girl" I mean, how dare they rip chapters from my life and put them on the big screen? At the least the movie was lush in it's backgrounds and scenery, powerful in it's message and so sad. 

With that, it's time to go. Wherever you are remember I luv you all and thanks for making the Condo a regular stop! 

Trans Week?

Last night I went with Liz out with a group of friends.  It's normally always a great time. 

I'm always dazzled though how many people who are coming forward these days saying they know a transgender person. Every time, it makes me feel as if we aren't as rare as everyone thinks. The person last night said a 20 something person in her office just came out as a transgender man and (naturally) was confused and scared to death.

I passed along my knowledge of community resources.

Also last night (in a group of approx twenty) I met up with a very gender fluid trans guy. I have to be very careful  on my pronoun use with him. (I do know he was going by he last night.)

Our group is struggling mightily to put together a Halloween Ball this year and everyone was given a chance to "volunteer" for the area they are interested in. My trans guy friend was thinking of security and a "Joker" costume out of the Batman films. Of course he asked me in essence would I do something with him? Although a couple really off the wall "Joketress" ideas flew through my noggin-he was hinting more of a Batman and I thought "Hell No!" politely of course.

So the real learning experience from last night was, I need get finally get my personal cards updated to pass along info. 

It won't be hard now since I won a personal photo session at a local photographers salon. Part of the package is a digital image I could use in all my social media. (So I can tell her what I need.)

Plus I have to update all kinds of other particulars as my life changes to pass along a card to anyone who needs it!

Everything Starts With a Dream

Those of you who have been around business management training programs, or even sports to an extent, perhaps you have ran across the idea of visualizing a goal before you can achieve it.

For the briefest moment last night I was swept off to what if land when a commercial for a breast augmentation group of Doc's came on the "Boob Tube" (couldn't help it.) I began to wonder if all my excuses against having the procedure was hurting my dream.

My dream is to have a realistic size of breasts to fill out my fashions. Excuse #1-my HRT "interruptus" has also interrupted my breast growth again. I am nothing if not impatient! Who said that? Dick Nixon??? Sincerely, I don't really know where my breast journey will end up.
Excuse #2-Finances. An upgrade to "the girls" around here is about $4,000 - exactly four grand more than I have to spend. I didn't hit the lottery as you can tell.

Answers to the excuses are actually easy to explain. If the estrogen takes me to a full "c" cup-that's cool and I will be satisfied with no additions to my body. Plus, as far as finances go, if Obama and/or the Pentagon ever does the right thing and formally approves active transgender military service-the approval could filter over to the Veteran's Administration (where I get my health care). At that point, the VA might approve transgender plastic surgery as the natural next step from the HRT they approve now.

Until that time, my dreams are in a fertile setting. One never knows when one will hatch!!!

Meeting of The Minds

Gee, it's quiet between my ears today. The trans meeting was good last night except for I couldn't make the 'after meeting' at a near by coffee shop. If you know meetings, the after meeting is where the  "heavy lifting" takes place and peeps begin to form bonds.

I will the next time around!

Other than the meeting, on the way out, one of the building administrators stopped me and commented on my hair. She fibbed and said she liked the color and I said gray? But then I asked her had she ever tried the "Vibrant Violet" I have been addicted to recently and she said yes. Then I asked if she had tried any of the "power reds" I was considering next, the answer was yes again.

Hair color is heavily on my mind-no pun intended.  I need to DIY before the bar mitzfah in a week and have two picture ID's to update...

 Plus I have to keep up with my 14 year old granddaughter, who (if she can come up with half the money) is pushing her Mom hard for a blue "ombre" color job before the evening. The quote was "well, J.J. (me) has violet hair so what's the problem? That is NOT my granddaughter in the picture but you all know what I think!



What else is going on? I'm still between genders with the VA today, but I was able to hand deliver the latest documents they needed to get the job done. Of course, new forms were needed after the first of the year-of course. The man in charge of all of it said if he can make contact with the right peeps, we may 'git-r-done' yet this week. 

I'm sure the whole process will move faster when someone in the system figures out they almost got it right by changing my gender to female. 

What I'm really waiting for though is an almost immediate trip to get my VA photo I.D changed.

Several of my friends are requesting a "rite of passage" ritual-maybe I could start by burning the old ID's?

Trans Flap?

With all the "flap" going on about the "Danish Girl" movin picture show- it's hard not to miss the glam and glitz of the fashion in the Roaring 20'!!! 

Check out one of the original SRS pioneers- Lili Elbe. From the shoes to her hat Lilli is working it! I love the fashion.

The Future is Now?

Hey, I'm as good as the next person at procrastination.  In fact, my therapist who has this pesky habit of listening to me, asked what was coming up next (in my grand scheme) after the gender marker boogey is over?

The question came back to me from something I said to her - a (true) comment about my fondness for procrastinating forever  I told her I need to get a project done while I'm thinking about the next one and I struggle to finish or start either.

Like I said, I figured she (the therapist) was not listening to all my babble. Hell, I don't listen to me (except when I talk to myself.).

She is an excellent therapist though and did ask me what was next? I have a circle of friends, a daughter and partner to die for. And now, I'm journeying down the winding road of a legal name/gender marker change. 

So, what is next? If I was to meet my maker tomorrow and- after I was polite and asked her what the hell was she thinking-what would we chat about?

I'm fairly sure she would slap me up the side of my noggin and say "How many times have you talked about paying forward?" 'Do it Dummy!'

So, Finally tonight I am looking forward to meeting a group "of the sisters and brothers" in a transgender only get together which happens once a month here in Cincinnati. Plus, in a week or so, I will be heading back to the LGBTQ safe haven group "Love Must Win Inc" group in Northern Kentucky.

I know it's just a start, but every little bit I can do may help. About everytime I get secure on my rickety pedestal, I meet a person like we met at the Leelah Alcorn remembrance recently. Her name was 'V" and she was in shock by being outed on FaceBook the day before. She lives in a super redneck town a little farther into the Kentucky hills where I sure you will see a Confederate flag or two on the back of pickups.

So yes, the future is now for me. I am in a unique situation to do something-anything.and I must! What will my grandkids think of me if I don't?

   

"The Mousse Is Loose?"

As I have mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo- taking estrogen again is having it's expected affect on my hair. It's filling back in quickly.


That's the good news, now the 'other news'. Well- it's not really bad. It's the reality part of where I am now as a transgender woman. Plus,in the spirit of doing this blog at all, I wouldn't be doing what I set out to do if I didn't pass along any of my insights I could.


First of all, I have a natural wave to my hair. Essentially I can try to flat iron it into submission - or mousse it into remission. What we like to call around here :the mousse is loose! 

In the DIY girl world I have found myself (Do it yourself) I have found how easy it was to grow a head of hair my daughter wondered why she didn't inherit, all the way to nearly destroying it.

Plus, the all important bar mitzfah is coming up and I need to attempt to put my best hair forward, The pesky gray hair I have just doesn't want to go away for long!  

I love the softness and overall results I get with the Loreal brand and this time I am thinking about one of the "Feria" Power Reds for the next cycle. I should too try to exercise restraint and wait a little longer to get my drivers license updated with the fresh hair color. Color two birds with one color?

On top of that (literally) I think I have my outfit picked out for the evening and I am sure we will be discussing that later!