Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch and if you live around this part of Ohio your porch is cold and getting colder by the hour-down into the zero degree range by tomorrow. Yikes! It's time to make a cup of Buckeye hot cocoa (with a tad of peanut butter) and maybe a little protein powder too. So, let's get started!

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't:  For Liz (my partner) and I, the weekend was the whole week essentially. Friday night we joined our friends for dinner which was cool as I wrote about and today we hope to make the early (old peeps) showing of the movie Carol  

The  film tells the story of a young aspiring photographer and her relationship with an older woman going through a difficult divorce. Highsmith based the character of Therese Belivet on herself, after an encounter she had in 1948 with a woman while she worked 

at Bloomingdales in New York City. Other than being an LGBT based film, the "movin' picture show" was actually filmed around the Cincinnati, Ohio area.

Page Two-Yesterdays' Coffee-Check Your Fluids-Opinion: Recently, I wrote more in depth of the dinner with a group of friends we went to Friday and the chance I had to sit close to a transgender man friend I have who I believe (like the majority of us) has struggled with gender fluidity. The reason I say that is, early on when I met him-I used the male pronoun and learned I may have been the only one that was. Of course I asked him and he said it didn't matter. So now I listen for what his partner calls him of course. 

Gender "Fluidity" may be more prevalent than we think, similar to transgender women and men. As Connie commented "As dazzled as you may be when you learn from someone that they know another trans person, it should give you pause to wonder just how that trans person is presenting herself or himself, and then how are you being viewed in the inevitable comparison." Good point! So many times it's NOT all about us. And, the more we realize it, the better chance we have to move on with our lives in our intended gender. A point which was made in the "Danish Girl" which we saw last night.

Page Three-The Back Page - Saving the Best for Last: I was literally shaken after viewing "The Danish Girl" I mean, how dare they rip chapters from my life and put them on the big screen? At the least the movie was lush in it's backgrounds and scenery, powerful in it's message and so sad. 

With that, it's time to go. Wherever you are remember I luv you all and thanks for making the Condo a regular stop! 

Trans Week?

Last night I went with Liz out with a group of friends.  It's normally always a great time. 

I'm always dazzled though how many people who are coming forward these days saying they know a transgender person. Every time, it makes me feel as if we aren't as rare as everyone thinks. The person last night said a 20 something person in her office just came out as a transgender man and (naturally) was confused and scared to death.

I passed along my knowledge of community resources.

Also last night (in a group of approx twenty) I met up with a very gender fluid trans guy. I have to be very careful  on my pronoun use with him. (I do know he was going by he last night.)

Our group is struggling mightily to put together a Halloween Ball this year and everyone was given a chance to "volunteer" for the area they are interested in. My trans guy friend was thinking of security and a "Joker" costume out of the Batman films. Of course he asked me in essence would I do something with him? Although a couple really off the wall "Joketress" ideas flew through my noggin-he was hinting more of a Batman and I thought "Hell No!" politely of course.

So the real learning experience from last night was, I need get finally get my personal cards updated to pass along info. 

It won't be hard now since I won a personal photo session at a local photographers salon. Part of the package is a digital image I could use in all my social media. (So I can tell her what I need.)

Plus I have to update all kinds of other particulars as my life changes to pass along a card to anyone who needs it!

Everything Starts With a Dream

Those of you who have been around business management training programs, or even sports to an extent, perhaps you have ran across the idea of visualizing a goal before you can achieve it.

For the briefest moment last night I was swept off to what if land when a commercial for a breast augmentation group of Doc's came on the "Boob Tube" (couldn't help it.) I began to wonder if all my excuses against having the procedure was hurting my dream.

My dream is to have a realistic size of breasts to fill out my fashions. Excuse #1-my HRT "interruptus" has also interrupted my breast growth again. I am nothing if not impatient! Who said that? Dick Nixon??? Sincerely, I don't really know where my breast journey will end up.
Excuse #2-Finances. An upgrade to "the girls" around here is about $4,000 - exactly four grand more than I have to spend. I didn't hit the lottery as you can tell.

Answers to the excuses are actually easy to explain. If the estrogen takes me to a full "c" cup-that's cool and I will be satisfied with no additions to my body. Plus, as far as finances go, if Obama and/or the Pentagon ever does the right thing and formally approves active transgender military service-the approval could filter over to the Veteran's Administration (where I get my health care). At that point, the VA might approve transgender plastic surgery as the natural next step from the HRT they approve now.

Until that time, my dreams are in a fertile setting. One never knows when one will hatch!!!

Meeting of The Minds

Gee, it's quiet between my ears today. The trans meeting was good last night except for I couldn't make the 'after meeting' at a near by coffee shop. If you know meetings, the after meeting is where the  "heavy lifting" takes place and peeps begin to form bonds.

I will the next time around!

Other than the meeting, on the way out, one of the building administrators stopped me and commented on my hair. She fibbed and said she liked the color and I said gray? But then I asked her had she ever tried the "Vibrant Violet" I have been addicted to recently and she said yes. Then I asked if she had tried any of the "power reds" I was considering next, the answer was yes again.

Hair color is heavily on my mind-no pun intended.  I need to DIY before the bar mitzfah in a week and have two picture ID's to update...

 Plus I have to keep up with my 14 year old granddaughter, who (if she can come up with half the money) is pushing her Mom hard for a blue "ombre" color job before the evening. The quote was "well, J.J. (me) has violet hair so what's the problem? That is NOT my granddaughter in the picture but you all know what I think!



What else is going on? I'm still between genders with the VA today, but I was able to hand deliver the latest documents they needed to get the job done. Of course, new forms were needed after the first of the year-of course. The man in charge of all of it said if he can make contact with the right peeps, we may 'git-r-done' yet this week. 

I'm sure the whole process will move faster when someone in the system figures out they almost got it right by changing my gender to female. 

What I'm really waiting for though is an almost immediate trip to get my VA photo I.D changed.

Several of my friends are requesting a "rite of passage" ritual-maybe I could start by burning the old ID's?

Trans Flap?

With all the "flap" going on about the "Danish Girl" movin picture show- it's hard not to miss the glam and glitz of the fashion in the Roaring 20'!!! 

Check out one of the original SRS pioneers- Lili Elbe. From the shoes to her hat Lilli is working it! I love the fashion.

The Future is Now?

Hey, I'm as good as the next person at procrastination.  In fact, my therapist who has this pesky habit of listening to me, asked what was coming up next (in my grand scheme) after the gender marker boogey is over?

The question came back to me from something I said to her - a (true) comment about my fondness for procrastinating forever  I told her I need to get a project done while I'm thinking about the next one and I struggle to finish or start either.

Like I said, I figured she (the therapist) was not listening to all my babble. Hell, I don't listen to me (except when I talk to myself.).

She is an excellent therapist though and did ask me what was next? I have a circle of friends, a daughter and partner to die for. And now, I'm journeying down the winding road of a legal name/gender marker change. 

So, what is next? If I was to meet my maker tomorrow and- after I was polite and asked her what the hell was she thinking-what would we chat about?

I'm fairly sure she would slap me up the side of my noggin and say "How many times have you talked about paying forward?" 'Do it Dummy!'

So, Finally tonight I am looking forward to meeting a group "of the sisters and brothers" in a transgender only get together which happens once a month here in Cincinnati. Plus, in a week or so, I will be heading back to the LGBTQ safe haven group "Love Must Win Inc" group in Northern Kentucky.

I know it's just a start, but every little bit I can do may help. About everytime I get secure on my rickety pedestal, I meet a person like we met at the Leelah Alcorn remembrance recently. Her name was 'V" and she was in shock by being outed on FaceBook the day before. She lives in a super redneck town a little farther into the Kentucky hills where I sure you will see a Confederate flag or two on the back of pickups.

So yes, the future is now for me. I am in a unique situation to do something-anything.and I must! What will my grandkids think of me if I don't?

   

"The Mousse Is Loose?"

As I have mentioned before here in Cyrsti's Condo- taking estrogen again is having it's expected affect on my hair. It's filling back in quickly.


That's the good news, now the 'other news'. Well- it's not really bad. It's the reality part of where I am now as a transgender woman. Plus,in the spirit of doing this blog at all, I wouldn't be doing what I set out to do if I didn't pass along any of my insights I could.


First of all, I have a natural wave to my hair. Essentially I can try to flat iron it into submission - or mousse it into remission. What we like to call around here :the mousse is loose! 

In the DIY girl world I have found myself (Do it yourself) I have found how easy it was to grow a head of hair my daughter wondered why she didn't inherit, all the way to nearly destroying it.

Plus, the all important bar mitzfah is coming up and I need to attempt to put my best hair forward, The pesky gray hair I have just doesn't want to go away for long!  

I love the softness and overall results I get with the Loreal brand and this time I am thinking about one of the "Feria" Power Reds for the next cycle. I should too try to exercise restraint and wait a little longer to get my drivers license updated with the fresh hair color. Color two birds with one color?

On top of that (literally) I think I have my outfit picked out for the evening and I am sure we will be discussing that later!

Freedom!!!!

I sincerely try every day for a brief moment or so to write in my journal (new age diary?) Light some incense (old hippie) and thank my **Goddess for a new day. Sure, you can accuse me of being a "rah-rah" type but health, life and so many other distractions come along, I have to be positive.

As life comes down to pushing and shoving me though, just being able to lead my life as I see fit is the ultimate freedom. 

Of course you all know where I'm going with this- if I can't live as a transgender woman-what's the point?

I did my 60 plus years of playing society's games to get here, so yes, I can be selfish and enjoy times like the last couple of days. As I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, Liz and I went out to a packed sports bar to watch football Saturday night, then Sunday afternoon we went to an art gallery to look at a mutual friends work.

My point is, I didn't have to worry about anything else in the world - but the world. No stares, no whispers etc. 

"Mama Freedom" is pretty fickle though, and I know that. She needs to be nourished and even fought for when needed. She is also good for giving you a gift - then taking it away. That's why I pause my life for a second everyday to add my appreciation.

**I believe deeply in a deity, I just don't believe for a second the deity has a specific gender, but I prefer mine to be feminine in nature. However, not a shy retiring femininity.

If you research the Hindu Goddess Kali  you will find her to be the black one and the force of time. Therefore Kali is called the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction.
Loosely based- I chose her because of my gender expressions-destroying the male and creating the female. 

For more radical images just Google "Kali Hindu Goddess"

R.I.P. David Bowie

As you have undoubtedly heard by now, David Bowie passed this Sunday. Many of us in and out of the LGBTQ community thought of him as a glam rocker-gender fluid music pioneer-which he was.

To others though, Bowie meant so much more. It was too easy to dismiss him as crossdressing glam rocker to explain my feelings.

For me though Bowie was soooo much more. He was a beacon of "gender fluid" hope for us (not unlike Andy Warhol.) in an age devoid of it.

And then, there was the music!



I will leave you with this: (My own take on Bowie's  Space Oddity Cut'  "Ground Control to Major David, take your place in the heavens and thanks!!!