Coffee With Paula?

Paula's Place blog (Paula Goodwin), is one I keep up with as much as I can. It has always been interesting to me how similar on occasion our transgender experiences can be - even though we are an ocean apart.

Recently she posted her transition ideas along with a drawing from Hannah's McKnight's illustrated transgender blog.

The key point to a transition is when you don't think about gender. You are simply you. An example from me was one of the last meetings I went to. The group issued name tags asking for preferred pronouns. I put down her, she and me (not really). On the other hand one my preferences is not to be ever called a "female" which I consider a physical birth issue.

So, I agree with Paula and Hannah totally and ironically picked up on the barista word from Hannah. 

The other night I was waiting in line for a coffee from the "big time" coffee chain who currently is in trouble from the "radical right" for what they are putting on Christmas themed coffee cups. (Get a life.)

I waited, I waited and I waited some more for only two people ahead of me. The first guy, I don't know what his deal was, except he ordered some special blend from the peak of Mt. Everest and never shut up. The person in front of me had a visitor while we were in line waiting to celebrating another birthday and then again on the phone while she was ordering. What the hell! Did she forget the order?

By the time it was really my turn to order, I was thinking death may be an improvement over a cup of coffee. The barista said "how can we start you off?" my mind translated "how can we help you sir." I said "excuse me?" and she repeated what she really said. (no sir)

The happy ending was I was able to order a simple cup of coffee, not celebrate a birthday and get to my meetup on time.

And yes, the lead "barista" apologized for the peeps ahead of me-not mis gendering me-which she didn't anyhow.

Wishful Thinking?

With a couple of the real scary presidential candidates who were given "no chance" not long ago-who now are.

This picture of transgender veteran and Navy Seal Kristin Beck standing in front of what could be "Air Force One" (if the Prez was on board) is somewhat reassuring.

The Power/Problem of Trans Youth.

In a recent Cyrsti's  Condo post we wrote about the potential problems a very attractive young transgender girl would have dating and finding a relationship. When do you tell a potential lover you have not been the gender of your choice - your entire life?

I have always been a believer in "total disclosure" when it comes to a potential trans relationship-even if the person has gone through total SRS. Plus, it's easy for me to say, because I haven't and seemingly won't ever get into that situation. 

Not so much at all with Claire Green on the left who is being featured in a British (BBC 3) Documentary  “Young, Trans and Looking for Love” (Image via Barcroft TV/BBC 3).

I think too many of us also think "Wow! If I ever looked like Claire, how could I ever have any problems?" As I have always said, looks  are only the beginning. The  younger the trans person, the more the continuing culture of legal transgender discrimination and rest room hassles become all so much more compelling. 

Claire obviously has made it to stage one and doesn't need me to point out she is just getting started.

I have added a link to one of her YouTube videos here.

The Sexy Dillemma

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote I would use the picture of a young Latina transgender girl who was very attractive and was slain brutally last summer.

No pun intended but the double edge sword for trans violence is the better you present, the more chance you could have to attract the wrong "admirer." I have never been in the totally presentable category but I can only imagine the trepidation I would feel if I thought I was trying to "fool" some guy on a date.

Other factors would be "competing" with cis women of the same age. (Especially if they are young, attractive and in competition for a guy. One of the memorable comments I hear quite a bit from the older cis women I hand out with is- when they see a 20 something in a short skirt or low cut top is "hey if she has it, flaunt it." In itself, that statement presents all kinds of serious problems for a trans girl.

The biggest maybe is that looks represent a validation of our femininity. I'm the first to admit I think breast augmentation would mean tons to me and I'm not on the dating market and old. I can't imagine how badly surgery of all kinds goes past the want into the need category for a younger transgender person. 

Plus,it's safe to say the Hispanic and African American cultures as a rule have more of a macho image than say the average white rednecks. (Who are plenty bad enough, so don't accuse me of being a racist.)

Perhaps the saddest part of all of this violence comes when you read the trolls comments after each story. 

At my age, on this topic I am going to fall back on the old cliche and say I hope the world finally changes before I go to the "other side."

While my Blog Gently Weeps - Again.

This comes as no real surprise to we transgender women or men who have followed the "number" of transgender violence victims over the past year.

Then today, this story jumped out to me from my Yahoo news feed today:


Monday, Aug. 17, 2015 this photo provided by Randall Jenson, lead advocate of the Kansas City Anti-Violence Project, shows an altar made by the friends of Tamara Dominguez during a memorial service for her at her home. Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street.

For a few transgender Americans, this has been a year of glamour and fame. For many others, 2015 has been fraught with danger, violence and mourning. (Randall Jenson/Kansas City Anti-Violence Project via AP)

Here is just part of the story: 

The toll compares with 12 last year and 13 in 2013, and is the highest since advocacy groups began such tallies a decade ago.

"Most Americans think it's been an amazing year for transgender rights," said Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. "But for the transgender community, it's been one of the most traumatic years on record."

Death by death, the details are horrific. Kiesha Jenkins was beaten and shot dead by a cluster of assailants in Philadelphia. Tamara Dominguez was run over multiple times and left to die on a Kansas City street. Police said the most recent victim, Zella Ziona, was fatally shot in Gaithersburg, Maryland, last month by a boyfriend embarrassed that Ziona showed up in the presence of some of his other friends.

For another look go here. because I could have chosen many different pictures but chose this one for a reason I will discuss in a later post.

Putting Your Money Where Your Beliefs Are?

This story actually is from last summer but is still very current of course and maybe more so as time goes by.

There is one thing about being transgender, another thing about being wealthy and yet another to use your wealth to attempt to effect real  change. (Caitlin Jenner?)

One of the wealthy heirs of the Pritzker hotel fortune — a former lieutenant colonel in the Illinois Army National Guard — came out as transgender recently.

Jennifer Natalya Pritzker — formerly known as James Pritzker — is part of the prominent Chicago Pritzker family that founded the Marmon Group and owns the Hyatt hotel chain, the TransUnion credit agency and other businesses.

She (Jennifer) enlisted in the Army in 1974 and earned a commission as an infantry officer in 1979, serving with the 82nd and 101st Airborne divisions before moving to the Illinois Army National Guard. She retired from military service in 2001.

According to Buzz Feed :  in July  Pritzker’s Tawani Foundation — a charitable organization promoting citizen service through the support of ROTC programs and other grants — had funded a $1.35 million “launch grant” to the Palm Center, a research organization studying sexuality in the military.

Of course I am a transgender veteran myself and believe the active discrimination against military members is the height of hypocrisy. So, there is a special place for those in the transgender community out and trying to make a true change.  Thanks Jennifer!

And, thanks Bobbie for passing this along.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!  Listen closely - another weekend edition is hitting your virtual front porch. The front porch here at is chilly, but all the snow went North and West of us. So, lets grab a hot "cup o joe" (coffee) and get started!

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: November 20th marked the 16th "Transgender Day of Remembrance." A somber day to be sure and a chance to inform the world the trans culture is more than pretty heels, dresses and  makeup-it's depressing and dangerous. The stats lean heavily towards transgender women being the targets of violence and even more being of color.

Please take a moment to remember and consider what you can do to help this dire, tragic statistic in the future. 

Every little bit helps. Around here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area it's time for us to celebrate the very short misunderstood life of Leelah Alcorn who took her life about this time last year. As a point of reference, she (Lelia) was never understood by her parents-to the point of suicide.

Page Two-Eat, Drink and be Mary? I felt using this transphobic phrase was an excellent way to "usher" in the holiday season in the United States. On page one, we already addressed the dire need to address the violence against us. None of that though addressed the 41% suicide attempt rate within the transgender community-and have been rejected by their families They will face a very lonely holiday period. Fortunately, many LGBTQ communities step up this time of year to fill the void. Unfortunately, it's too little too late for many, especially in secluded areas.

Page Three- The Back Page: Somehow I need to apologize to all of you about writing such a negative post. But it is the time of year to look out of your closets and away from the mirror to make whatever effort you can to help-no matter how small!
In the meantime, as always thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo and just know I love you all!

Style?

I get many questions asking my opinion on how to pursue a mystical MtF gender transition. You regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know, I disagree with some and place appearance as the second or even third most important transition factor for a transgender person. Learning the lifestyle of one's non birth gender-better be a bigger priority. 

To get to appearance though, one has to wade through the complex and murky world of style. 

My definition of style is "understanding the direction you want to take at any certain occasion. Once you do, factor in budget and buying constraints to present the most consistent, attractive self  you can- without acting as if you are trying.


So, there you go, I'm sure when you look at the number of different styles the cis women of all ages in the world are consumed with-you can find your niche!

Good Luck!

The Worst Person

Last night I was turned loose to go a small party at one of our friends house - without Liz. It was a small group of about a dozen couples-mostly straight. 

One of the newer couples is positively fascinated with me. (So am I on a  good day.) She wants to know more about my upcoming legal name change, etc-but positively loves my choice of hair color. (Power Violet.) (See box to left.)

Even though my hair seriously looks as ratty as it has forever, the woman loves my hair color to the point of wanting me to recommend what color would look good on her.

Perhaps some of her "trust" in me comes from the fact I am transgender and may have "inherited" some of my style sense from my gay LGBT "brethren". Perhaps you have heard the comment "too much style for one gender?"

I'm certainly flattered, and it's true I arm wrestled Liz at the hair color store aisle for the chance to "go violet", I am the WORST person to ask about what color to die your hair and would it match your skin color. 

I'm lucky to have enough almost hard earned  style for myself!