The Big "A"?

Do you remember Julia Sweeney's character Pat - the highly androgynous character on Saturday night live?

Well I don't know if I'm putting too much into just being called Pat at the grocery store or getting more looks than if I was dressed totally feminine? When I wasn't.

I have written a number of times here of how sometimes my androgyny catches me off guard as it did today. Of course I am sure it had nothing to do with my 6 inch highlighted pony tail flowing out of the back of my hat?

But "Pat"? Really?

Time Capsule

As far as the continuation of the last post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Quiet Time, I slept on it. If there is such a thing as my best "work"- it magically appears in my noggin at around 4 am. Normally,I'm thinking it's 4 am somewhere and get up. This time was different though as I had visitors-  the ghosts of blog posts past came floating around.

So, I started to look back at a group of old archived posts here for some sort of common thread.  Where I was then and where I am now, without the obvious. I had to toss out the "big" things such as HRT, relationships and friends. Well, not toss them but put them gently aside in my "to be cherished" room. Quickly I found the one common thread "back in the day" was how heavily influenced I was with what I was wearing and the public reaction to me.

All probably normal, right? Now normal is this big scary word to be but I guess I can use it in this context of my transition. I was just growing into my feminine self. So, I concluded my transition progression was normal but then I started to feel a bit guilty about many of my current blog posts now-or the lack of them. Sure the YouTube videos are fun and the news stories from around the world are timely and crucial to our transgender rights but:

I just don't have those fashionista moments to pass along. I don't wear heels, almost always wear some sort of jeans and what I hope is passable makeup.  My one guilty pleasure is still using my breast forms to fill out a form fitting top attractively with as much cleavage as I can.

If in two years I'm fortunate enough to still be in this dimension, will I look back at this post and think I had reached another milestone? If so, why did I have this nagging guilt that somehow I feel when I don't write as much about experiences because well, they have become mundane?

Sunday was a good example. I went to dinner with my girlfriend's father, brother and son for the second time and didn't have to ask for a hit off of Dad's oxygen tank because I could breathe normally. I had a girly salad (because it sounded good on a hot day) and just completely enjoyed myself. Not because I was living a transgender life-I was living mine.

Later of course, I just had to search for the slightest bit of negativity and found it. Was I on my much maligned stealth path?  Well probably yes and no.As far as looks go, I still do and most likely will always get my share. The "looks" now though have gone from stares and whispers to glances for the most part. So I guess essentially I'm sliding into the stealth dimension and it works because I can get those other pesky things done such as living my life. But on the other hand (or arm) my girlfriend and I are working diligently on a unique trans tattoo for me. Naturally if I'm going through all that pain and suffering I want my first Tat to tell the world I am trans and proud of it.

In two years I will invite you all over for an adult beverage to the Condo and we can open the time capsule and get a chuckle!

Too Much Going on to be Quiet

I am quiet though and I can't quite figure it out. Perhaps in my personal life I'm reaching a point of not being the one most likely to "rock the boat"? Forget gender transition- not being a rocker could be the biggest difference of all.

Maybe I'm not looking at the "big picture"? The more I have been able to build my new feminine life as a transgender woman, the more secure I have become. I could even take away the feminine word and still be secure. I am just me.

I love telling myself I was right-even if it took me so many years to arrive at this point. It was all so simple. When you don't have to live a lie, life just becomes so much simpler. DUH!

I also love to take all the credit for reaching this plateau of my life. Fortunately it's been awhile since anyone has told me how brave I am for living my life on my terms.  Balderdash!  Very simply I am one of the phantom 10% of transgender people in this country that someone knows.  The six or so people I consider as friends, family or lovers are the one who are much braver than I.  They gave me the push to "walk my transgender talk" until I could truly embrace and live it.

Looking back at the last five years, there was no way I could have imagined I would end up here and how it would differ from what I thought it would be.

Perhaps I rocked the boat into calmer waters and most surprising to me-it's a great feeling. That's not to say my ADHD pinball machine mind will calm down anytime soon but how I view the world surely has.

On occasion, quiet time is a little too much to handle! More to come!

I'm Turning Green!

Got to say I'm more than a little jealous! Check out the "twins" "Johnnyboyxo" and little sis! On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Quote of the Day

"The wrong life experience coupled with the wrong stimuli equals the wrong reaction" ...The learning curve excuse from a certain transgender person who has made her share of mistakes. Name withheld "cause" it's me!

You Can Never Go Home

Once you dress in women's clothes, often it's difficult to close the closet door...especially for Jared Leto. Leto who played a transvestite in the upcoming Dallas Buyers Club, is featured in drag again on the cover of transversal style magazine Candy.

A Good Read

It's worth a "hop, skip and an Internet jump over to the Huffington Post. Check out  this post from Stephanie Mott: "Are you a Boy?"

Can I Book This Flight?

No boring flight on this day as a transgender artist was arrested on a West Jet flight for going topless after an incident.

Arsenault (or plastic look alike) and Sanfino

"This came from the Star.com : Nina Arsenault and Lexi Sanfino wanted to shock a flight attendant when Sanfino performed an impromptu striptease on a WestJet flight to Edmonton Thursday night. But the two prominent Toronto-based transgender artists said the performance was spoiled when they were arrested by Alberta RCMP officers, whom they allege deleted photos from their camera and threatened to throw them in jail with men."

Why?

"Arsenault said the incident was provoked by questions from the flight attendant, which they deemed inappropriate. “She came over and said, ‘You guys have to teach us how to do our makeup,’ ” said the 39-year-old performer. “And then they were like, ‘You know, because you used to be guys, right?’ ” In response, Sanfino decided to strut topless down the aisle. “She walked down the aisle with quite a bit of grace and flamboyance and had her arms out,” said Arsenault. “And then the flight attendants came and covered her up, saying ‘Think about the children!’ ” Contacted via Facebook, Sanfino added: “My actions spoke louder than words.”

Classic!

HorrorScope

I wouldn't kid you! It's time for another honest "HorrorScope" here in Cyrsti's Condo:

 "Libra: September 23-October 22): Manifesting what you want takes a lot more than just talk or filling up your Pinterest. As it goes, honesty is your greatest asset now, so accept yours. All talk and no action is only going to make you look like a fool, and if there is one thing you can’t handle, it’s a bad image. Let go of your fears and understand that when you’re truly on the right wavelength, there are no words."

 Guess I better shut up and work on my makeup! Unfortunately, fool has been associated with me as the other four letter word starting with "f" more than once!

"HorrorScope" is my own term. You can head to theFrisky
for your own scope here - honestly!