MO Dave MO!

If one Dave Foley in drag video is good on Cyrsti's Condo big screen-then how about one more?

It's Hot in Italy

I have concluded there are probably at least two million videos on YouTube to pass along on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen. A virtual plethora of cross dressers, transgender, transsexuals and drag queens. Here's another.

Hello? Is Anyone in Here?

Over the years of my life various individuals have asked me "are you in there?"
Good question!

I'm sure others have thought there could be more than one of me once they knew about my transgender status.  Truthfully, I have thought long and hard about that very possibility and thought one of me was plenty to deal with.

Of course I also have the well worked "woman trapped in a man's body" deal. Nope, not so true either. I'm still just me. Which brings me to make up day recently.

Alisha, the makeup guru, was good with more than just her art. She already knew how I recoiled at being compared with a drag queen and said I didn't identify with being a cross dresser either. (Nothing wrong with one or the other.) So basically she said "I don't understand, tell me who you are."

Good question!  Without going into a ton of boring detail I just said my inner person identifies female and I am working to present her as effectively I can to the rest of the world. None of the usual jabbering I'm good at.

Then again, maybe I'm just dealing in semantics? Maybe just saying "I'm a man trapped in a woman's body" would have played just as well.

It wouldn't have mattered-I was still facing the dreaded eyebrow tweezers anyhow!

Empowerment?

Alice, thanks so much for your comment on my "makeover" yesterday:

" Cyrsti, you look fantastic ! It must have been an empowering experience, you sound as if you totally enjoyed your makeover." Alice.

First of all thanks for the wonderful compliment! Secondly, I began to think about the "empowerment" experience you mentioned. Of course in the estrogen laden room yesterday, I guess just being allowed to play was cool even if there were sales potentials for the organizers. That's all good too! I love capitalism.

Alice, you are right I do have a healthy dose of empowerment following the day.  The most difficult part of my life right now continues to be the in between place I'm in with the world. Of course nearly a year and half ago, I was able to put the wigs away and wear my own hair. My own hair was  hugely empowering and now I'm faced with an equally big place-body changes. It has taken me awhile due to small dosages and HRT interruptions along the way. But now I feel another stage of changes coming along with my skin and body and how I relate it to the picture.

Along my transition process, I have been able to glimpse my inner girl here and there in the mirror.  Regardless of any value judgement of beauty queen good looks, or glamour shots or whatever- the picture was a straight up picture of me taken from Alisha's phone.  Bottom line was I could see my inner girl more than ever before in my life. Even I was floored.

So Alice, I do like this feminine empowerment.  Future makeup sessions will be much less scary and much more fun and any skill I can development with my public skills will be huge!

Thanks for the comment!

Cross Dressed Over Dressed?

Or should I say "under dressed"? From YouTube on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Attack of the Tweezer Monster!

Saturday was my makeup makeover with the MaryKay makeup Guru Alisha.
First of all before I set off on my usual cynical ramble-she is good.

Today was my chance to put my face where my makeup history used to be.  To prove my point to myself and Alisha and Niki (a newer Mary Kay person) I went out the door for the first time in my life as a girl-with no makeup.  Jeans, top and sun glasses kids- that is it.

As I drove the 30 min trek to the studio, I did have a chance to reflect back to points of my life which got me here. I'm a gender contradiction in terms for more than just the obvious.  Over 50 years of tossing on a dress and heels did very little to prepare me for the last five.  Once again today I had very few ideas of what I was going to expect.  I know what you are thinking Cyrsti, how bad could it be playing with makeup experts for a couple hours?

It was wonderful EXCEPT for Alisha's penchant for the perfect eyebrow...out came the tweezers and OUCH! Sympathy? Hell no girl if you want to play with the real women hitch up your big girl panties! The scary part is she said my brows had a nice shape to them to start and I relaxed.  That's like the dentist saying you only have one cavity...but....two hours later she is still drilling away. The same happened with the tweezers.

OK, I know a little about this big girl panty stuff and I know you have to pay the price for beauty but girls when the "tweezer monster" attacks it's similar to a whole flock of itty bitty crows attacking your brows.

Awwwright- enough of the petty whining and on to the fun stuff such as someone who knows what she's doing tell me what sort of foundation I should really wear and what the hell was up with the black, goth, trampy, slut eye make up I had on in the pictures?  What the hell? Did she have to take the research on me so seriously? Did she make phone calls to several current and past makeup critics of mine whose kindest words were "heavy handed makeup or drag queen inspired" Hey, it's true but did I have to hear it- again. 

Just playing with you kids, that was exactly why I was there...naked faced for the guru to see. I'm very honest and blunt so I checked the ego when I hitched up the big girl panties and took this on. It helped knowing we transgender girls and crossdressers  have to work harder than  genetic women to put our best foot forward. This was a way to do it.

Finally, I have a giant wedgie from hitching my panties up to the girls and posting a picture from this afternoon. I desperately hate my pictures and my hair was totally trashed in this picture but I really think she exceeded my expectations. I loved the look of the foundation and how Alisha brought out blue eyes I didn't know I had after 63 years. She even worked on my Mom's non existent upper lip I inherited. AND look at those BEAUTIFUL eyebrows...dammit!

Happy is a big- mostly unobtainable word for me. Happy was never bred into me. But I'm forcing myself to be satisfied and I am more than satisfied with this makeover...no forcing.

As the immediate future with increased HRT dosages begins to exact more changes, basic skin care will be more and more important to maintain my 30 something looks! Kidding again but seriously if you are in the Dayton, Ohio area and want to get hooked up with Alisha or Niki, just contact me through the blog.

Just one more finally.  The women did an excellent job of using the correct pronoun with me. It meant a lot!

Trans Troops

As a transgender vet, one of my priorities here in Cyrsti's Condo is passing along any transgender related service news I can find.
Much of it comes from OutServe Magazine.

This story from OutServe certainly has a "been there-done it" ring to it.  But in this one Evan Young comes from the different side of the gender fence for most of us trans girls here. You see, Evan is a transgender man in the military:

"Underneath my cover, I walk a straight line, returning salutes as I pass. A sergeant salutes and says, “Good morning, Sir.” A warm glow flushes my cheeks, and I reply, “Good morning!” Closer to work a familiar face draws near and salutes; “Good morning, Ma’am.” A heavy feeling of discontent weighs on me, and I return the salute with the grudging reply, “Good morning.” I am a transgender military officer.

Outside of work, I live my life as a man. Once on post, I am female. My short hair and manly features present an androgynous and confusing appearance. I grew up in Arkansas, and knew that many outsiders perceived women there as “barefoot and pregnant” rednecks. That stereotype drove me to move out of the state and join the Army. I wanted to be on an equal footing with men. I found new confidence along the way as my drive to exceed expectations helped me rise through the ranks. Yet, I always had the feeling of being a second class soldier because of my gender. Males have confidence ingrained in them at an early age. Men are encouraged to stand up for themselves and speak their mind. When they don’t, they are often labeled effeminate or called derogatory terms such as faggot or princess. The “stereotypical male” role is enforced by men as well as women. A woman speaking to a man that seems effeminate will treat him differently."

I have several transgender veteran friends who have wondered with me what life would be like in today's military as a trans person-walking a precarious gender line.

To read more of Evan's insight,  look here.

Three Reasons Not to Go Trans Stealth

Recently I read a post by Autumn Sandeen called "Paying it forward for future generations of trans people".
You regular visitors here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about transgender women or men transitioning into another closet-which is called stealth. And of course Autumn is completely correct in her assessment of  "paying forward" into the trans community.

I have three powerful reasons not to run away and hide as a transgender woman- my grand kids.This afternoon I had yet another powerful opportunity to pay forward to my grand kids. Who I'm out to. It was my first chance to talk to them about how great the Boy Scout inclusion move was. But, as I was told it was only a beginning and they couldn't wait to show me some sort of new "badges" to wear on their uniforms.

I know what you are thinking, Cyrsti got side tracked again and forgot Autumn! Relax!  Here is her beginning thoughts:


"Why should I personally go forward as a trans activist pushing for change? Why do anything for trans and LGBT community members when I have received a significant amount of pushback through the years from the religious right, LGBT community members, radical lesbian feminist separatists and even transsexual separatists? I’ve written in the past about why there is trans activism and what are the major goals of trans activism, but have never really spelled out what motivates me personally."

As always she presents a very through and cohesive look at her thoughts.(Unlike some of us!) To read it go here.

I Know You Are Out There

To all transgender veterans active or retired - alive or fallen - let me share my bit of thanks to all of you.

I know most all of you are (or were) stuck in the military closet with only two ways out...discharge or death.

The Memorial Day weekend for you international Cyrsti's Condo readers is to honor our veterans as well as police and firemen who died for our freedom to challenge what is wrong here and abroad.

Ironically though, facts and figures routinely come to light which estimate a very high percentage of transgender military troops to have served. Sadly,we will never know how many of the fallen were trans. In addition, I personally have known at least three trans firefighters and or policemen.  The very first responders to senseless violence in our country.

Regardless of all the insane discrimination against us:
ALL I want to say is:  to all of you who fought and passed for my right to write this blog and to all of you who are still serving in a camouflage closet...

Thanks to all you! I know you are out there!