We have mentioned Chrysalis, who features lingerie for the transgender woman or cross dresser. Here's a video featuring their model Pitcha
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Horror Scope
It's time for a little "star gazing" here in Cyrsti's Condo!No matter how awkward you feel, know that other you're dealing with is feeling it more. Some sensitivity without self-consciousness will count now, as you will be treading upon delicate emotions. While that can be a turn-off, know this isn’t a definite personality trait, but simply a wall you have to climb to get into the fortress — which will be way sweeter inside. Trust.
As always, "Horror Scope" is my title and you can get your own from theFrisky!
Mid Life Gender Crisis
Transitioning later in life is certainly a bigger deal than just going out and buying a new sports car.
Next to transgender vet ideas and information here in Cyrsti's Condo, going through a mid to late life gender change is a huge topic here too.
Many times it's not the most popular place to be in the trans community as a whole, let alone with long established family and friends.
We are called "pretenders" because we didn't transition earlier in lives or worse.
Of all places, The New York Times looked at the topic recently: "THE ETHICIST" Should I Become a Woman and Risk Causing Pain to My Wife and Children? Here's a portion of the question and answer:
"I’ve been living the life of a married man for 20 years. I have a successful career and three children. All this time, however, I have battled gender dysphoria and the deep sadness that comes from living a lie. From the earliest age, I’ve been unhappy being male. I believed I would find happiness only once I was true to myself. I recently had my self-diagnosis confirmed, and I’m initiating a transition to living as the real me. There is a cost involved: pain to my family and stress on my career. Ethically, is it right to be “true to myself” even if that authenticity ends my otherwise happy marriage and damages the emotional stability of my three children?"
And part of the answer:
" The conclusion is not as simple as the question suggests: it’s impossible to know how much damage this would actually do. Your family may already sense that something is wrong. I could argue that an honest, difficult relationship is still better than a comfortable marriage based on the unreal; it’s also possible that your children (as they mature) will understand your desires completely. It’s entirely possible that this evolution could be positive for everyone involved. This, however, is all speculation. I don’t know you or anyone in your family, and it would be idiotic of me to pretend as if there were one irrefutable response to this situation. The person you need to talk to is your wife. You need to consider what this action will do to your three children, in both the short term and the long term. When you made the decision to have children, you committed yourself to the sacrifice of significant personal freedoms for the betterment of their lives; this is a profound extension of that reality, but that’s your ethical responsibility as a parent. So the question you really need to ask yourself is this: Is your psychological damage from gender dysphoria greater than the psychological damage that its restoration will inflict upon the lives of any (or all) of your children? If the answer is yes, proceed. If the answer is no, don’t do it. Your sadness is tragic, but at least it’s confined to yourself. This advice might seem reactionary, but it’s not a position on whether transitioning is ethical in and of itself. There’s no inherent ethical problem with that decision. It’s about the possibility of improving one life at a greater cost to three others who might lack the intellectual and emotional maturity to comprehend what’s really happening.
Certainly, the person answering the question doesn't have the understanding of the depth of the problem. No where in the answer was the fact that so many transgender people consider the ultimate solution as suicide?
The final point was no better:
"It’s about the possibility of improving one life at a greater cost to three others who might lack the intellectual and emotional maturity to comprehend what’s really happening."
Oh, by the way the advice was written by a man...go figure.
Next to transgender vet ideas and information here in Cyrsti's Condo, going through a mid to late life gender change is a huge topic here too.
Many times it's not the most popular place to be in the trans community as a whole, let alone with long established family and friends.
We are called "pretenders" because we didn't transition earlier in lives or worse.
Of all places, The New York Times looked at the topic recently: "THE ETHICIST" Should I Become a Woman and Risk Causing Pain to My Wife and Children? Here's a portion of the question and answer:
"I’ve been living the life of a married man for 20 years. I have a successful career and three children. All this time, however, I have battled gender dysphoria and the deep sadness that comes from living a lie. From the earliest age, I’ve been unhappy being male. I believed I would find happiness only once I was true to myself. I recently had my self-diagnosis confirmed, and I’m initiating a transition to living as the real me. There is a cost involved: pain to my family and stress on my career. Ethically, is it right to be “true to myself” even if that authenticity ends my otherwise happy marriage and damages the emotional stability of my three children?"
And part of the answer:
" The conclusion is not as simple as the question suggests: it’s impossible to know how much damage this would actually do. Your family may already sense that something is wrong. I could argue that an honest, difficult relationship is still better than a comfortable marriage based on the unreal; it’s also possible that your children (as they mature) will understand your desires completely. It’s entirely possible that this evolution could be positive for everyone involved. This, however, is all speculation. I don’t know you or anyone in your family, and it would be idiotic of me to pretend as if there were one irrefutable response to this situation. The person you need to talk to is your wife. You need to consider what this action will do to your three children, in both the short term and the long term. When you made the decision to have children, you committed yourself to the sacrifice of significant personal freedoms for the betterment of their lives; this is a profound extension of that reality, but that’s your ethical responsibility as a parent. So the question you really need to ask yourself is this: Is your psychological damage from gender dysphoria greater than the psychological damage that its restoration will inflict upon the lives of any (or all) of your children? If the answer is yes, proceed. If the answer is no, don’t do it. Your sadness is tragic, but at least it’s confined to yourself. This advice might seem reactionary, but it’s not a position on whether transitioning is ethical in and of itself. There’s no inherent ethical problem with that decision. It’s about the possibility of improving one life at a greater cost to three others who might lack the intellectual and emotional maturity to comprehend what’s really happening.
Certainly, the person answering the question doesn't have the understanding of the depth of the problem. No where in the answer was the fact that so many transgender people consider the ultimate solution as suicide?
The final point was no better:
"It’s about the possibility of improving one life at a greater cost to three others who might lack the intellectual and emotional maturity to comprehend what’s really happening."
Oh, by the way the advice was written by a man...go figure.
Muscle Memory
Have you heard the term? I've used it here in Cyrsti's Condo a couple times. Very simply it means what it says: "training your muscles to do a certain task."
As males attempting to jump into a feminine role obviously there is quite a bit of learning and relearning to do physically.
Some of us have farther to go than others. Several readers have asked for a before and after picture of me for a point of reference or even a positive example of how you may express your femininity. There is a certain picture of an bearded overweight me that I don't recognize that I'm trying to find, scan and post but have not yet located it.
Back to "muscle memory": The more I began to consider a serious transgender transition, here's what I tried to do. Anytime I was out dressed as a guy, I tried to think of my posture, the length of my steps and walking up on the balls of my feet. An easy rule of thumb is women glide and for most their center of gravity of course is around the hips. For most of us, all of this is a difficult process because we have spent so many years developing our male muscle memory. If you can do it observe how a woman moves not how she looks. As we all know, a successful feminine presentation does not have to be a thing of beauty. It needs to be a thing of confidence and reality.
Since I do almost everything backwards, I have always felt you should learn the feminine basics in flats. You can concentrate on your posture, hip and arm movements and then add the heels as you become more comfortable. But that's just me. I know heels are so beneficial to my overall look but they also take me above the 6 foot height limit I have set for myself. There is a big trade out!
The trick to all of this of course is how to flip a switch on your muscle memory. To this day, I have to not get too comfortable and slip back into my male ways. Back in the day I often had to think about which situation I was in and was I flipping the female switch without thinking when I was working as a guy. This became more of a problem when I began to really try to incorporate more feminine voice patterns into to "the switch".
I am not going to sit here and tell you I'm even close to where I want to be in this process. On the other hand if I don't have a plan I will certainly never get to where I want to go.
In the meantime girls "shoulders back, chest out and glide!"
As males attempting to jump into a feminine role obviously there is quite a bit of learning and relearning to do physically.
Some of us have farther to go than others. Several readers have asked for a before and after picture of me for a point of reference or even a positive example of how you may express your femininity. There is a certain picture of an bearded overweight me that I don't recognize that I'm trying to find, scan and post but have not yet located it.
Back to "muscle memory": The more I began to consider a serious transgender transition, here's what I tried to do. Anytime I was out dressed as a guy, I tried to think of my posture, the length of my steps and walking up on the balls of my feet. An easy rule of thumb is women glide and for most their center of gravity of course is around the hips. For most of us, all of this is a difficult process because we have spent so many years developing our male muscle memory. If you can do it observe how a woman moves not how she looks. As we all know, a successful feminine presentation does not have to be a thing of beauty. It needs to be a thing of confidence and reality.
Since I do almost everything backwards, I have always felt you should learn the feminine basics in flats. You can concentrate on your posture, hip and arm movements and then add the heels as you become more comfortable. But that's just me. I know heels are so beneficial to my overall look but they also take me above the 6 foot height limit I have set for myself. There is a big trade out!
The trick to all of this of course is how to flip a switch on your muscle memory. To this day, I have to not get too comfortable and slip back into my male ways. Back in the day I often had to think about which situation I was in and was I flipping the female switch without thinking when I was working as a guy. This became more of a problem when I began to really try to incorporate more feminine voice patterns into to "the switch".
I am not going to sit here and tell you I'm even close to where I want to be in this process. On the other hand if I don't have a plan I will certainly never get to where I want to go.
In the meantime girls "shoulders back, chest out and glide!"
Saturday, February 2, 2013
The Words We All Want to Hear!
This post is from the Baltimore OUTloud site:
"I volunteer with a number of organizations that interact with youth, mostly high-school age. I did this before transition and continued to do so during and after. One of these groups is focused on science, technology, and math. I’ve been an adult mentor with my son’s robotics team for five years. I love and enjoy helping develop young minds to solve problems. I’m happy to report that despite what the media might tell you the future is in great hands and these brilliant kids will solve many problems that vex us presently. When I transitioned I had concerns that this group might not embrace the change.
I didn’t know what to expect from a program of about 40 kids and their parents. It could have been a big deal. It turns out it wasn’t. Among all of the people and groups in my life, this robotics club turned out to be the one that seemed to care the least about me becoming “me.” My “rollout” was done via a parent- and then student meeting, and then, of course, my debut. Shortly after the first meeting I received an email from a concerned parent. It went more or less like this: “When I heard that our meeting was concerning you I was worried that you might be leaving our program. Thank goodness you are only changing your gender!” I was astonished to say the least."
Wow, won't it be great when the world gets to the point of "you are only changing your gender?"
This post has many other wonderful points such as when the author protests the catering by a "certain chicken chain" go here for more.
"I volunteer with a number of organizations that interact with youth, mostly high-school age. I did this before transition and continued to do so during and after. One of these groups is focused on science, technology, and math. I’ve been an adult mentor with my son’s robotics team for five years. I love and enjoy helping develop young minds to solve problems. I’m happy to report that despite what the media might tell you the future is in great hands and these brilliant kids will solve many problems that vex us presently. When I transitioned I had concerns that this group might not embrace the change.
I didn’t know what to expect from a program of about 40 kids and their parents. It could have been a big deal. It turns out it wasn’t. Among all of the people and groups in my life, this robotics club turned out to be the one that seemed to care the least about me becoming “me.” My “rollout” was done via a parent- and then student meeting, and then, of course, my debut. Shortly after the first meeting I received an email from a concerned parent. It went more or less like this: “When I heard that our meeting was concerning you I was worried that you might be leaving our program. Thank goodness you are only changing your gender!” I was astonished to say the least."
Wow, won't it be great when the world gets to the point of "you are only changing your gender?"
This post has many other wonderful points such as when the author protests the catering by a "certain chicken chain" go here for more.
The Slippery Slope
Over the past several months or more here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have mentioned a friend I knew from my earliest days as a cross dresser. In fact I was the benefactor from his final purge way "back in the day". He walked away 30 plus years ago and in many ways has never looked back. We are quite fond in talking about the diverse individuals we knew in our little group. As it turned out we were quite diverse compared to our very small numbers. I know for sure three out of ten went on to SRS, one (me) now identifies as transgender, at least one has passed away and the rest I just lost track of.. Oh yes, there was one who ended up marrying a trans woman.
You have perhaps noticed me use one of the women who went through the surgery - as one who probably shouldn't have. I'm going to call her "A". "B" was her friend and incredibly at home after the surgery and has led a happy and successful life. The third transsexual had already gone through SRS when I met her and was doing well in life then too. She was pretty much stealth except to us.
He talked about why he didn't go any farther then and referred to the cross dressing process as a "slippery slope". Here is my response:
He did and used "A" as an example. She was the person who started down the slope and couldn't get back to her male self. I said:
" Of course there is the need to look better and better and in that case you can slide down the hill as a man if you fall in love with yourself and your public perception. What's more fun, being an average looking guy or an attractive woman? ...(Cue the A tape)
Then there are the "naturals" who essentially start at the peak, look around and think "this is me" (Cue B tape)"
The conversation then went into what if we dated A or B as a man? The answer was dating "A" would be going out with a CD while dating "B" would be very much a challenge to interact with an intellectual, worldly, attractive woman.
"Then there are the seekers. Those who spend years wondering exactly why they feel the way they do. Could they be more comfortable as a girl. You can compare it to a slow mountain climb where you stop, explore and take refuge during storms in caves along the way (Cue the Cyrsti tape) Several years ago, I stopped in a cave and experienced a profound feeling of warmth and well being as a woman. I decided I would never want to go back down the mountain to who I used to be."
Maybe the "Slippery Slope" could be a topic in my Trans Ohio transgender workshop I'm presenting in April?
Friday, February 1, 2013
My Partner Came Out Trans
Part two of the xoJanes' "It Happened to Me" contest entry which caught my eye.
Not only did her partner come out as transgender, the process happened while she was pregnant. It's quite the entry! :
"In one year, I got pregnant with my boyfriend and I gave birth with my girlfriend. For me, supporting my partner was a lot trickier than those famous people interviews let on. First, as my partner was sliding on down the spectrum of socially constructed gender, I was a becoming a full on female mammal. Not all women experience pregnancy that way, but I reveled in being a baby-making, milk-producing, female warrior. I got into making my nest, quite literally when it was time for our home birth. I let those new hormones flood my mind and make all my decisions for me, even if it meant my beloved bike riding was suddenly The World's Most Dangerous Activity and required a family-wide ban. I resisted verbalizing all the essentialist "My fertile uterus connects me to ALL THE WOMEN" feelings that I was feeling, but I still loved those feelings. Hell, I felt a connection with the mama squirrels in the park. It was quite a contradiction to how my partner was experiencing what it means to be a woman. This made for some strained conversations about our quickly changing lives, each of us not wanting to seem unsupportive of the other, but neither of us being able to fully understand where the other was coming from. "
I'm sure you will want to read more here!
"In one year, I got pregnant with my boyfriend and I gave birth with my girlfriend. For me, supporting my partner was a lot trickier than those famous people interviews let on. First, as my partner was sliding on down the spectrum of socially constructed gender, I was a becoming a full on female mammal. Not all women experience pregnancy that way, but I reveled in being a baby-making, milk-producing, female warrior. I got into making my nest, quite literally when it was time for our home birth. I let those new hormones flood my mind and make all my decisions for me, even if it meant my beloved bike riding was suddenly The World's Most Dangerous Activity and required a family-wide ban. I resisted verbalizing all the essentialist "My fertile uterus connects me to ALL THE WOMEN" feelings that I was feeling, but I still loved those feelings. Hell, I felt a connection with the mama squirrels in the park. It was quite a contradiction to how my partner was experiencing what it means to be a woman. This made for some strained conversations about our quickly changing lives, each of us not wanting to seem unsupportive of the other, but neither of us being able to fully understand where the other was coming from. "
I Married a Cross Dresser!
No! Not me!!! What would possess a person do do something like that!! Just kidding.
One of the genetic female sites (I think) is called xoJane and their recent "It Happened to Me" topic was I married a Cross Dresser. Truly the post didn't end like I thought it would.
I won't ruin it for you. Go here to find out.
As I continued to look at the site I found an even more interesting contest entry which will be in my next post!
One of the genetic female sites (I think) is called xoJane and their recent "It Happened to Me" topic was I married a Cross Dresser. Truly the post didn't end like I thought it would.
I won't ruin it for you. Go here to find out.
As I continued to look at the site I found an even more interesting contest entry which will be in my next post!
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