Eye Eye Mam!

On occasion I believe I have forgotten more of what has gotten me to this point of my life than I remember.  Some of the more basic strategies I learned to judge and edge my way into the world have all made their way into the back of my memory or that much ignored book of mine. (Which sits like an elephant on a computer memory stick in the corner of my room.
As I have mentioned before, I write a column for "TG Life Reporter" where
I try to dredge up some of my earlier learning experiences out in the world as a girl.
In an upcoming column, I write about reading other people's reaction to me- particularly feminine reaction.
The whole process proved to be a real strong insight into female non verbal communication.
After a while, I developed a rating system based on women's stares.

1.- She stares right through me. A win! She is in her own world and not mine.  All is good.
2.- The little look and smile. She is letting you know "she is in on our little secret" #2 is an middle point which is normally harmless.
3.-The OMG negative look. Not good. She about breaks her neck looking at you and makes sure she lets her companions and the world in on her discovery. Vacate the area from this idiot.
Note-#2 and #3 should always send you back to the drawing board. What signs are you sending out to trigger those reactions and how can you improve the situation?
4.-The OMG positive look. She has heard or even knows a transgendered person and intrigued or pleasantly surprised to meet one. Take this for what it is and don't let your ego get in the way. Don't get your feelings hurt that she didn't think you were a genetic female.
5.- The YOU BITCH look. This is my favorite. She is sure you are a genetic woman and one she doesn't like. Either it's your clothes, hair or makeup-you have set her off. Just flash her your best "you are just jealous" and move on!
6.- The Nothing Look. The best compliment of all. Studies have shown humans determine gender in others within the first few seconds of seeing you. She sees female and you feel good!

Of course these are just the basics and one little trick to see what others are thinking of you is to not forget those "cheap sunglasses"!

Past and Present Transgender Beauty

The past comes from Paris in the 60's from the Christer Stromholm collection:

[Photo: <http://abcn.ws/IhkOwB> Suzannah and Sylvia, 1962]

The second is from the present. An unbelievable picture of Jenna Talackova from the Miss Universe Pageant.

As a side light, if you ever have a chance to see one of the "Hooter's" national bikini pageants. That's where Jenna belongs!

Quote of the Day

If you die doing something impossible-it's not suicide?
Robbin

From the Knife to the Runway

Brazilian model "Lea T" is back on the runway after completing SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery).
From the looks of this picture, she is recovering nicely!

Transgender Wall of Fame

Always nice to look back!

Quote of the Day

"We spend so much time disguising ourselves to others, we end up losing track of who we really are" .
unknown

Waaaasup?

Hello! Finally time for a little update as I approach the 5 month point in my hormone journey.
First let me point out I started on New Year's Eve on a minimum dose for the first two months which was then doubled to 4 mg a day. It was my choice to go slow at first and I'm scheduled for an update appointment sometime in July.
The latest physical changes I can pass along are in the breast and hip area.
I can now put a full two fingers under the breasts (my own measuring system similar to the metric)
As satisfying as that is, the very beginning of hip development was wonderful too.
I have always had some sort of a slight waist line but then nothing in the hip or rear area. Slowly I'm starting to add some flesh into both of those areas that most genetic women hate to do.
With the warmer nice weather I have been able to at least to stabilize the weight gain I have experienced with my new less active life style and increased appetite. Some say it's hormonal induced. Some don't.
I finally listened to advice and began to use a cocoa butter moisturize for my face which has relieved the drying.
Overall I love the way my skin is softening and the soft glow I feel it has and hair growth on my body has definitely slowed.
The next step (with the advance of and the lowering of laser prices) would be laser facial hair removal which I would love. I just have other financial needs right now.
So there you go!
I'm sure it's familiar ground to you trans women (transgender or transsexual) but maybe informational (I hope) to you transitional girls who are considering taking a bigger step!

The Socialization of Transgender Numerology

I'm thinking about now I have spent way too much time on my latest pet theory.
Just when I want to put it all to rest and enjoy passing along simpler fun posts about the effect of the hormones I'm on-there is more from "Natalie Reed":

"While cis girls, throughout their socialization and lives in our
culture, internalize cultural messages about ideal womanhood as a
demand of what they need to be in order to be considered valuable,
desirable, good women, they have the comparable “advantage” of at
least already being girls / women (or at least already having that
assignment). Trans girls, though, are subjected to those same messages
but internalize them as what is required to manifest womanhood at all.
We’re swimming upstream against our gender assignment, and if THAT is
what “being a woman is all about”, THAT gets internalized as the
standard we need to live up not simply to be loved and valued, but in
order to simply be read and perceived as ourselves. In other words,
while cis girls internalize it as what they need to be in order to be
good girls, trans girls internalize it as what they need to be in
order to be.

This ends up creating a whole lot more existential urgency in a trans
woman to live up to the cultural standards of womanhood. For us, the
question driving our self-hatred and self-consciousness over stupid
things like our body not meeting arbitrary-cultural-standard-of-beauty
#2677 isn’t as relatively easily conquered as the desire to “fit in”
or be “good”. It’s instead driven by the pressing need to exist, to be
embodied, to be seen by others and understood as who we are rather
than who we aren’t.

So when we’re told that we’re failing to live up to one of those
morphological standards, the consequence isn’t a feeling of “Oh shit,
I guess I’m not a proper woman”. It hits us much, much more deeply. It
undercuts our fundamental sense of being."

Natalie Reed comes up with very good points and you can read more here.
Now, lets see...about those hormones....

Transgendered Numerology

Recently, I watched a show on the scientific approach to sexual attraction. Essentially, as our lives progress we subconsciously choose mates in our numerical category. Most of us are fives or sixes and that is what we end up with for a mate. Not a ten or a one-a five. In essence that is what the show said not I.
Of course I wondered how all of that effects a trans person?
I have been fortunate enough to have met a couple before and after trans women in my life and seen pictures of many more. The best example of gender numerology was one of the people I met years ago. He was a very plain male. I would say a three but as a female? An easy eight. As introverted he was, she was the opposite. Was this the norm? Probably not. A few bodies are just gender ready to assume the opposite gender while most aren't.
Back to the numbers.  The great majority of us who will never make it to a feminine six or seven, let alone an eight or nine. We are lucky in many ways to be a five or six in either gender.
So what? Some of the most interesting, fun and stimulating people I have ever met, have been fives at the most. I won't even mention the other end of the spectrum of people who are nice to look at and that is it.
The biggest true problem we transgender women, transsexuals and cross dressers have with numerology is how it skews our thought processes. From the cross dresser who desperately wants to be a nine (in the ridiculous on  line skimpy photo) to the transsexual woman who thinks just one more procedure will make her that head turning babe (she turns heads all right and not for the right reasons)-it seems the numbers are ruling their lives.
Here's what you are thinking. What about matching your true gender with your external self- Cool! But at the expense of looking like a clown? I know-I've been in the clown category. If I had some sort of guidance about the power of self versus appearance maybe my journey would have been easier?
I of course, have no answer to all of this and it's all just speculation.
I just wonder how the gender attraction numbers work with trans people.  Hopefully someday a person much smarter than me runs attraction tests with our culture. It would be an incredibly complex process to add all the layers. Trans men and trans women, cross dressers, transgender and all who are attracted to their own birth gender or the other or both!
My only hope would be the findings could be a help to all of us struggling in the middle of all of this. Especially the younger ones!