"It's not what you are thinking...but it could be!"
Cyrsti Hart
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Transgendered Questions with No Answers
This is just a bit of an addition to my recent "Mirror" post.
The trans woman I quoted and I had also been chatting back and forth about the difficulty in locating a true trans girlfriend. I feel her ideas are relevant enough to pass along.
For clarification I'm talking about a friend to share life experiences with. A person to hang out with and do girl things with. As it turns out, the person who fills that void in my life now is a genetic woman but I certainly wasn't always that lucky
I am not talking about the huge group who want sex or for me to "dress them up". That's not being a friend.
Here is her question:
"I would love to have a trans woman girlfriend to do things with together. Women click together, the gay community clicks together like mad (however loosely), gender queers click together, but in my experience the trans community does not click with anyone (gay, straight, bi, or trans). It really pisses me off. I don’t get it. The only place we can really bond with people is online."
As our "chat" continued, I essentially told her how weary I was of endless discussion and no progress. Except for my theory that many in the transsexual culture went to the "promised land" of no return and the grass wasn't so green. They simply missed the feminine essence except for appearance.
Her reply:
"(I) agree that the feminine essence is neglected. To me a lot of what feminine means is thinking and caring about others. It is totally missing in my experience. I find trans women seem so isolated and disconnected. I don't get it. That is why I have been going to a gender queer group instead. I am getting more of what I am looking for and I guess a little less of other things.
I can understand your disappointment. It would be so nice to have a real life common girlie bond with a like minded trans woman."
I'm weary of the whole deal but still would love to hear from those of you who have had success establishing a girl friend with transgendered experience.
Obviously, I'm just one voice in the wilderness. My experience is just one.
I just don't have any quick answers to any of these questions and I hope my experience does not reflect the attitude of the overall transgender community!
Unfortunately I'm judging our culture guilty until proven innocent.
The trans woman I quoted and I had also been chatting back and forth about the difficulty in locating a true trans girlfriend. I feel her ideas are relevant enough to pass along.
For clarification I'm talking about a friend to share life experiences with. A person to hang out with and do girl things with. As it turns out, the person who fills that void in my life now is a genetic woman but I certainly wasn't always that lucky
I am not talking about the huge group who want sex or for me to "dress them up". That's not being a friend.
Here is her question:
"I would love to have a trans woman girlfriend to do things with together. Women click together, the gay community clicks together like mad (however loosely), gender queers click together, but in my experience the trans community does not click with anyone (gay, straight, bi, or trans). It really pisses me off. I don’t get it. The only place we can really bond with people is online."
As our "chat" continued, I essentially told her how weary I was of endless discussion and no progress. Except for my theory that many in the transsexual culture went to the "promised land" of no return and the grass wasn't so green. They simply missed the feminine essence except for appearance.
Her reply:
"(I) agree that the feminine essence is neglected. To me a lot of what feminine means is thinking and caring about others. It is totally missing in my experience. I find trans women seem so isolated and disconnected. I don't get it. That is why I have been going to a gender queer group instead. I am getting more of what I am looking for and I guess a little less of other things.
I can understand your disappointment. It would be so nice to have a real life common girlie bond with a like minded trans woman."
I'm weary of the whole deal but still would love to hear from those of you who have had success establishing a girl friend with transgendered experience.
Obviously, I'm just one voice in the wilderness. My experience is just one.
I just don't have any quick answers to any of these questions and I hope my experience does not reflect the attitude of the overall transgender community!
Unfortunately I'm judging our culture guilty until proven innocent.
Transgendered Mirror
A friend of mine on anther blog sent me this reply to a conversation we were having about acceptance of trans women and trans men in society.
It's incredible!( She is a trans woman.)
"I agree with you on trans women being shunned by some genetic women because of ego and fear. Women can be very competitive along with all the ugliness and back stabbing that fosters. To me I feel it is simply an attitude where they rank the status of people and place us at the bottom. I am more concerned with the fear aspect. Trans women can be like a mirror that reflects back a genetic woman’s basic sexuality and make them feel uncomfortable. I think people tend to see trans people, maybe unconsciously or not, as the genetic rather than the target gender (a man in a dress in my experience). Men are aggressive and that is uncomfortable, even if it is just a stare or whatever the case may be. We also represent feminine on the other hand and lesbianism can be uncomfortable as well. Maybe they see us as what was an attractive man and maybe that carries over into an attractive femininity that makes genetic women uncomfortable. "
Interestingly, my friend came up with much of this insight in a conversation she had with a younger genetic woman.
Where ever it came from it is wonderful insight!
It's incredible!( She is a trans woman.)
"I agree with you on trans women being shunned by some genetic women because of ego and fear. Women can be very competitive along with all the ugliness and back stabbing that fosters. To me I feel it is simply an attitude where they rank the status of people and place us at the bottom. I am more concerned with the fear aspect. Trans women can be like a mirror that reflects back a genetic woman’s basic sexuality and make them feel uncomfortable. I think people tend to see trans people, maybe unconsciously or not, as the genetic rather than the target gender (a man in a dress in my experience). Men are aggressive and that is uncomfortable, even if it is just a stare or whatever the case may be. We also represent feminine on the other hand and lesbianism can be uncomfortable as well. Maybe they see us as what was an attractive man and maybe that carries over into an attractive femininity that makes genetic women uncomfortable. "
Interestingly, my friend came up with much of this insight in a conversation she had with a younger genetic woman.
Where ever it came from it is wonderful insight!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
New Jersey Brownies Support Transgendered Scout
This is from the "Montclair Patch" and needs to be as widely viewed as the transphobic young girl scout who called for a boycott of cookie sales.
"Maplewood mom Laura Booker was skeptical when her daughter wanted to join the Girl Scouts organization: As a kid, being a girl scout was the last thing I had ever wanted mostly because I couldn’t fathom wearing the dress, and as an adult, I want to raise a kid who is progressive and feminist and not stuck in the 1950s (which was the assumption I made about the Girl Scouts). But Booker found the Girl Scouts to be a broader-thinking organization than she had anticipated: I couldn’t have foreseen that joining the Brownies would be such a rich opportunity for Emma and a couple of her friends from the troop to show support for a transgender girl named Bobby Montoya who is a Girl Scout in Colorado. This was a story that Emma could relate to – a little girl who wanted to be a Girl Scout – and therefore was the perfect example to teach her about being an ally and accepting people for who they are and who they say they are. Watch the video that Booker's daughter and friends made to support Montoya attached. Read Booker's full accounting of this story on her blog, Queering the Mind, here.
Watch the video that Booker's daughter and friends made to support Montoya attached. Read Booker's full accounting of this story on her blog, Queering the Mind, here."
We've Got Stat's!
Relax, didn't have to go to the "Doc" to get rid of them!
These came from "Match" and may surprise or influence you before you get all dolled to go out next time!
". Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair. In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt. This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction."
(Wait a minute...does it matter that "Pantene" sponsored this?)
There is more:
"Guys find pink or red lips more alluring than the sexiest pair of stilettos. Should you invest in a pair of high heels, or that new Chanel red lipstick? If you’re forced to choose just one of these items, research shows that rouged lips are a better bet. In a recent Match.com survey of over 24,000 men and women, 88% of respondents said their date’s laugh made a bigger impression on a first date; only 12% picked shoes (there goes that perfect excuse for buying a new pair of Manolo Blahniks, right?).
Add a pop of red to that smiling and laughing mouth, and your attractiveness spikes even more, according to a study from the University of Manchester published in the UK’s Daily Mail. Researchers tracked the eye movements of 50 men and discovered that that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time, the average guy will spend more than half of his time gazing at her mouth. If she’s applied lipstick, he’ll find it even more difficult to look away: a dash of pink can hold his attention for 6.7 seconds, while red keeps him fixated for 7.3 seconds. According to the study, fuller pouts were the overall preference, though the appeal of thin-lipped women increased by 40% when lipstick was applied — but when the ladies went completely bare, men tired of looking at their mouths after only 2.2 seconds. So regardless of your lip type, it pays to paint your pucker on date night."
Easier said than done for me. I have been a total failure in finding and wearing a red lipstick. My excuse is the lighting in the store where I buy it causes a color change!
These came from "Match" and may surprise or influence you before you get all dolled to go out next time!
". Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair. In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt. This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction."
(Wait a minute...does it matter that "Pantene" sponsored this?)
There is more:
"Guys find pink or red lips more alluring than the sexiest pair of stilettos. Should you invest in a pair of high heels, or that new Chanel red lipstick? If you’re forced to choose just one of these items, research shows that rouged lips are a better bet. In a recent Match.com survey of over 24,000 men and women, 88% of respondents said their date’s laugh made a bigger impression on a first date; only 12% picked shoes (there goes that perfect excuse for buying a new pair of Manolo Blahniks, right?).
Add a pop of red to that smiling and laughing mouth, and your attractiveness spikes even more, according to a study from the University of Manchester published in the UK’s Daily Mail. Researchers tracked the eye movements of 50 men and discovered that that in the 10 seconds after meeting a woman for the first time, the average guy will spend more than half of his time gazing at her mouth. If she’s applied lipstick, he’ll find it even more difficult to look away: a dash of pink can hold his attention for 6.7 seconds, while red keeps him fixated for 7.3 seconds. According to the study, fuller pouts were the overall preference, though the appeal of thin-lipped women increased by 40% when lipstick was applied — but when the ladies went completely bare, men tired of looking at their mouths after only 2.2 seconds. So regardless of your lip type, it pays to paint your pucker on date night."
Easier said than done for me. I have been a total failure in finding and wearing a red lipstick. My excuse is the lighting in the store where I buy it causes a color change!
Cyrsti's Quote of the Day
"Understanding a man is rocket science. Understanding a woman is an art form."
Cysrti H
Cysrti H
"Here's Lookin' at ya Kid!"
If you are not familiar, the line above comes from one of the most famous motion pictures of all time "Casablanca". It also happens to be my favorite classic movie.
Yesterday the "TCM" television network presented a one night only re release of the movie in theatres across the USA. I was lucky enough to see the film on the big screen with a special friend.
As luck would have it we both could get together early for coffee, girl talk and window shopping before the showing.
A day such as yesterday left me feeling so lucky and fortunate. Yes, it was me again being able to live as my chosen gender. The rest of the world and all the usual worries about just being who I want to be just faded away. I even almost cried with "Ingrid Bergman" in the film.
Just had to pass it along!!!!
Yesterday the "TCM" television network presented a one night only re release of the movie in theatres across the USA. I was lucky enough to see the film on the big screen with a special friend.
As luck would have it we both could get together early for coffee, girl talk and window shopping before the showing.
A day such as yesterday left me feeling so lucky and fortunate. Yes, it was me again being able to live as my chosen gender. The rest of the world and all the usual worries about just being who I want to be just faded away. I even almost cried with "Ingrid Bergman" in the film.
Just had to pass it along!!!!
More "Non Stealth" Reaffirmation!
It's true I am biased against those transsexual women and men who transition and go back to their closet.
I feel guilty because I am truly a "live and let live" person but when I see families put it all on the line to get the message out, I wonder if you transgendered stealth folks feel any guilt at all?
I have seen a few of you who have ventured out of your stealth closet to fight only with others in our community-which to coin a male term is like "pissing in the wind". Also, how about the trans-nazi's who think I shouldn't be allowed to use a woman's rest room because I haven't had 50,000 dollars in surgery? The fifty grand bought them a rest room pass...Yay!
I equate it with the friends of mine who don't vote because "it won't do any good anyhow" or the ultra pro military people who have never served a day.
Go ahead and think the obvious-what have you done Cyrsti?
Not much to brag about. I write this blog to try to pay forward and spend a lot of time in the public eye as a very evident transgendered woman but I'm not looking for any awards.
At the least ,do you stealth folks buy extra Girl Scout Cookies? (I'm not asking you for a huge sacrifice!)
Whatever the case, I'm sure most all of us are not doing this:
Before this turns into a total rant, let me say how much I respect the courage of these families to step out of the shadows to help others without even a hint of financial return. On occasion it seems other transgendered folks stepped into the spotlight primarily for the almighty dollar or 5 minutes of fame.
We all should be as courageous to follow in their footsteps, no matter how small the effort.
All of this brings to mind a recent encounter on a social network site with a trans woman who said she "didn't have anything to do with transgendered women and their causes". Why? Because of the petty bickering and that is true-But! She went on to say she was now a proud radical "dyke" (her words). Really?
She obviously had a real smooth transition to get to the point to be a stealth radical dyke today and didn't see the need to help others????
Look, I never question her end result. It's her life to live how she sees fit and somehow it must be very comfortable for her not to worry about all the trans youth today struggling with their identities to the point of suicide??
Finally, I try not to get too political here but at the least we all need to pay attention to the candidates who are trying to take our freedoms away and buy extra girl scout cookies if you can still find them.
Shine a little light into your stealth closet!!!! You might be surprised what you will find growing there!
I feel guilty because I am truly a "live and let live" person but when I see families put it all on the line to get the message out, I wonder if you transgendered stealth folks feel any guilt at all?
I have seen a few of you who have ventured out of your stealth closet to fight only with others in our community-which to coin a male term is like "pissing in the wind". Also, how about the trans-nazi's who think I shouldn't be allowed to use a woman's rest room because I haven't had 50,000 dollars in surgery? The fifty grand bought them a rest room pass...Yay!
I equate it with the friends of mine who don't vote because "it won't do any good anyhow" or the ultra pro military people who have never served a day.
Go ahead and think the obvious-what have you done Cyrsti?
Not much to brag about. I write this blog to try to pay forward and spend a lot of time in the public eye as a very evident transgendered woman but I'm not looking for any awards.
At the least ,do you stealth folks buy extra Girl Scout Cookies? (I'm not asking you for a huge sacrifice!)
Whatever the case, I'm sure most all of us are not doing this:
Before this turns into a total rant, let me say how much I respect the courage of these families to step out of the shadows to help others without even a hint of financial return. On occasion it seems other transgendered folks stepped into the spotlight primarily for the almighty dollar or 5 minutes of fame.
We all should be as courageous to follow in their footsteps, no matter how small the effort.
All of this brings to mind a recent encounter on a social network site with a trans woman who said she "didn't have anything to do with transgendered women and their causes". Why? Because of the petty bickering and that is true-But! She went on to say she was now a proud radical "dyke" (her words). Really?
She obviously had a real smooth transition to get to the point to be a stealth radical dyke today and didn't see the need to help others????
Look, I never question her end result. It's her life to live how she sees fit and somehow it must be very comfortable for her not to worry about all the trans youth today struggling with their identities to the point of suicide??
Finally, I try not to get too political here but at the least we all need to pay attention to the candidates who are trying to take our freedoms away and buy extra girl scout cookies if you can still find them.
Shine a little light into your stealth closet!!!! You might be surprised what you will find growing there!
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Breaking the Gender Chains
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