Another Step Down My Transgender Path

I took another step yesterday in  my quest to finally fill the hormone prescriptions with my local VA.
In  a previous post I mentioned my medical doctor wrote the "scripts" and wanted blood work  I was scheduled to have done anyway at the VA.
He gave me the proper paperwork to have the extra tests done and to send them to him.
I had a day off yesterday and went in guy drag to my local clinic and gave the nurse the extra paperwork/instructions. First of all she said she couldn't do any extra tests without the permission of my VA doc.- until she read the reason for the extra tests. The reason was listed as hormone tests as I was a male to female transsexual. The words seemed to take on a life of their own and jumped off the paper.
In the meantime, the nurse said hold on a minute. 
She went to get the lead nurse and they studied the paperwork for a second (seemed like hours) and said just take a extra portion of blood.
Then the most amazing thing happened.  The nurse's whole demeanor towards me changed.  She became softer and even started to explain her daughter's shopping bonanza after Thanksgiving.
She was so nice even to the point of doing the little female touch as she talked to me about the tests.
Yet another difficult situation of coming out to a total stranger came and went with positive results. I am very fortunate!
I went ahead and made an appointment with my VA doc before Christmas.  What a gift it would be if he sends me straight to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions filled!

A Picture Is Worth A Thousnad Words!

I find this striking picture of an illegal Mexican transgender woman to be almost haunting in it's portrayal of her. I see a powerful yet painful femininity enhanced with the kids in the photo.

The photo credit comes from the AP and Isabel Castro.

"Castro" is working on a documentary that will share the tale of three transgender women from Mexico who fled to Los Angeles. “Crossing Over” focuses on Francis Murillo, Brenda Gonzalez and Abigail Madariaga. All three come from rural areas of Mexico and suffered physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of family, friends and police because they are transgender.
The story comes from "The Stamford Connecticut Main Street Connect".
I was so overpowered by the picture, reading much of the article was almost anticlimactic.

 

Finally!

The day finally arrived and I made it unharmed and on time to my doctors appointment.
I had to calm myself down and make sure I would be able to ask all the questions I wanted to. If you are new to the blog, the "Doc" I'm referring to is the medical doctor who is advising and prescribing  my female hormones.
My basic questions concerned how fast changes would occur and how much control would I have over it.
As it turned out, I really didn't have to ask very many questions at all. I had heard this doctor was very experienced with transgendered hormone therapy and it showed!
First of all he asked me a couple basic questions. How long and how much had I lived a female existence and how far did I want to go?
I told him I was still living a dual gendered existence but not for long. Within a month I would be severing my last ties to living as a man when I quit my job.
Ultimately, I don't see major sex reassignment surgery in my future but do feel the need to further feminize my body and emotions with hormones.
At this point he told me what the process would and could be if I chose to follow it.  He would prescribe me estrogen and a testosterone reducer. He recommended a slow and steady dose of both to let me "grow" into the changes. At the same time,  he told me how much of a dosage would quicken the process and how much of a dosage would be "toxic" to me if I abuse it.
The slower process appeals to me. After all I have spent many years getting to this point, so why push it now.
Of course I wondered how long the slower process would take to produce what sort of results.
This is what he said. The best breast development he had ever seen was a full "B" cup. (Genetics play a factor I hear and my Mom was well endowed.) Of course my body hair will thin as will my beard. Conversly the thick head of hair I'm already blessed with should get thicker. Finally, over the space of a year I should begin to experience the fat deposits which will give me more feminine hips, skin tone and a lessening of my muscle mass.
Having said all of this, your results may vary!
A whole other story is how all this fits in with the VA. More on that later as it is still unfolding.
Those closest to me have asked how I feel? The answer is it is a surreal feeling to have made it to this point. Perhaps the toughest part is staying grounded as I let the process play out.

New Transgender Documentary on the Way

There is a brand new documentary is in the works which could be another plus for the transgender community. From the web site here's the promo. This is my first attempt to upload a video to the blog and it should load for you below. It takes longer to load  than I would like but is worth the wait!
"TRANS is an extraordinary documentary feature about men and women, and all the variations in between. It is about the Transgender Community, perhaps the most misunderstood and mistreated minority in America and around the world.

Inspired by the incredible story of Dr. Christine McGinn and her work as a transgender surgeon, TRANS provides an up-close and very personal vision into the lives, loves, and challenges of a remarkable cast of characters of all ages and from all walks of life.

Stories of confusion and courage, excitement and emotion that have never been told, until now.

To anyone who has ever looked in a mirror and wondered, 'who they really are?'

TRANS ask another question, 'are you brave enough to find out?'"
Trans (Demo Reel) from The Film Collaborative on Vimeo.

A Good Woman

A good transgendered woman is one that pays forward.
From "The San Francisco Chronicle" comes the story of a transgendered survivor helping others.
"Despite being a star student, Mia Tu Mutch is amazed she survived high school.
Facing bullying from her classmates, constant thoughts of suicide, rejection from her Southern Baptist parents, and the very real prospect of ending up permanently homeless, she clung to any reason to keep living.
"Every day I would say, 'I'm not going to kill myself today. I have a test tomorrow,' " Mia says.
Mia is transgender. She became homeless at a young age, but unlike most teens in her position, she was able to pull herself out of it.

Check the link above to read more of her amazing and courageous story. 

Must See Transgender Television

From "The Advocate":



Oprah's TV network, OWN, is premiering two new documentary specials on Sunday: Being Chaz (the follow up to Chaz Bono's award winning, Becoming Chaz, from last year) and I Am Jazz: A Family in Transition. The latter, stars Jazz, an 11-year-old transgender girl, her three siblings, friends and parents, as they navigate the world with a gender-variant kid and grapple with the possibility of hormone blocking therapy as she reaches puberty. Director Jen Stocks' doc is an engaging, heartwarming, and moving look at a trans kid. With her parent's support, Jazz has been living as a girl since she was a toddler.

Highlights from a Quiet Week.

Thanksgiving came and went as so many in the past  I'm very fortunate my family has always gotten along well. As I sat and visited with crowd I thought about this could very well be my last Thanksgiving with them as a guy. I didn't pause long or give it too much thought because next year is such a long way off.  To jump off the Thanksgiving bridge now makes no sense. I have many other bridges to jump off of!!!!
Unfortunately I was under the weather most of the week so my life was very quiet until the weekend when I got a text from my daughter at her first drag show.
What a awkward yet wonderful moment. The best part is she wants to go with me to her next one.
Tomorrow morning is the long awaited, once put off visit to the hormone doc. The appointment I couldn't get to a couple weeks ago, seems like months!
As always, I will keep you all updated!

So...You Want to be a Girl?

I recently posted this on " Hub Pages".  The idea is one we have shared here so I thought I would bring it back.

"Yes I'm a transgendered male who wants to be a woman. The idea is as natural to me as it is foreign to you. You see I was born male but live female most of the time. I can't even begin to consider what a life in one gender would be like. I am transgendered.
I used to envy the majority of human beings who were born exclusively into one gender. A boy always knew he was a boy and a girl always knew she was a girl..Right? How easy that must be! No gender struggles with society, peer groups, family and friends.
How does it feel to always feel secure in public as a man or a woman, never having to worry about being exposed?
Think of the money and extra time I would have saved if I had never felt the need to not be what I was born to be
What deep obsession led me down a path most of you will never understand? If I could tell you in a thousand words or less, I would have a chance at some obscure "Nobel" prize. The only fact I can tell you is I feel the need to cross into my non birth gender as much as you feel the need not to. Does it make any sense I don't understand you as much as you don't understand me?
I do understand both of us will probably never understand why and that is perfectly fine. The problem is when you don't understand and try to hurt me. Hurt can be applied in many forms. The worst of course is physical. At times, a beating is the easy way out and death is the harshest punishment administered. Just for a lack of understanding.
Hurt can also come in small yet effective doses. I've grown used to the stares and side glances. The hurt never goes away when I hear the nasty little comments or hear the giggles. All of that too I've learned to live with, it's part of the territory and try as I might I try to not think of your imperfections such as weight or appearance.
Think of my dilemma this way. When you developed your gender identity, it was difficult enough to find your way. Your path was lit however. At the least you knew you were a boy or girl. You had role models and maybe even mentors who helped show you the way to becoming a man or a woman. You weren't on the outside looking in.
Understand I'm not looking for your sympathy. For what reason I was put on my path as sure as you were put on yours. I'm only seeking standard human acceptance. I'm no better or worse than you. In fact I'm the same.
The only benefit I may have is a better understanding of you. The pain and suffering of crossing the gender border has not left me unscathed. I have learned the hard way bits and pieces of what makes both genders operate. Ironically that very understanding makes some of you afraid of me. Somehow you feel I have no right to be in your world even though I'm not. Just crossing public paths shopping, eating or whatever does not put me in your world and I have no super sneaky bad intentions! I am not using my knowledge of both genders to fool you or hurt you in any way. In fact the opposite is true! I crave your acceptance of my true gender.
So, I wanted to be a girl and finally came to accept my transgender status as sure as you accepted yours.
Now I have to accept the fact most of us will never understand each other's gender journey and that's fine. Surely in this great big world we can find room for one another. You do have the edge however. When you see me for who I am, my life finally becomes complete."

Looking for a Transgender Therapist?

Check this blog "Walking in Two Worlds: A Trans Therapist 's Journey" if you are searching or thinking of searching for a therapist who has transgendered experience.
The author is "Sherri Lynne" who is not only a psychotherapist but a trannsexual  woman too.
The post is rather lengthy but is very informational and well done.
I don't really know how my VA therapist was assigned to me but I feel very lucky she was.
I was intrigued by two of "Sherri Lynne's" ideas in particular.
The first was her estimate of the number of transsexuals in our society today. She used the number of patients she sees and roughly compared the number to the population within a four hour radius of her practice. She came to the conclusion transgender and or transsexual individuals equal the number of gay people in out society.
I believe her. Business is so good for the doctor I'm going to for hormone therapy that he is closing his family practice, adding a partner and seeing only transgender, gay and lesbian patients.
Her other idea was a use of the drug called "D.E.S.". If you were born between 1938 and 1971 there is a good chance your mother was given the drug during her pregnancy. Of course there is no concrete proof but "D.E.S."has possible  links to higher instances of transgender or transsexual children.
If true at all, you may have had less control over your gender choices than  previously thought.
As I said, if you are considering seeking out a therapist-this is a must read!