The Visit, Part II

I'm splitting these posts into a couple parts on purpose. Sure I been known to be a tease on occasion but this isn't one!!!!
Doesn't take a genius to figure out "shrinks" are just listeners and this visit wasn't my first rodeo with one.
The first question was easy enough. When did all this happen?
I said "in a thousand words or less"? About this time I thought we both had no idea where this session would go so I started at the beginning.
My story is no different than most of yours. At the age of ten or so I started to raid my Mom's clothes and the rest is history.
The only "non surprise" she dropped on me was that this VA doesn't prescribe female hormones. (Only the ones on the "coasts") She could however write me a letter and recommend me to a  private Doc who could.
Well I do believe she has not read the latest VA updates on transgender treatment.  Even if she (or whoever dictates the policy here) knows the policy hasn't really changed; why can a vet on the coast receive hormone treatment and I can't????
I am going to leave that rant alone with all of you and her for the time being.
She wants a couple more meetings before she writes a letter on my behalf and certainly I want that.
Also, I have this deep down impression that I am educating them (VA) about our lifestyle.  In fact, she used the word brave with me. I know she meant it as a compliment but there is no brave with me. I am resolved to live my life the way I choose. I will explain the difference in our next session!
Meeting two is in a couple weeks and I feel it will be much more informative than the first on both ends.
The best part is she is nice and caring and is a she. Sharing all of this with a man could and would be more difficult for me.
OK let me give you the best question and answer of the session. "What's the rest of your day like?" (to me)
My answer was "Shopping!" She laughed and agreed. I followed up with "In many ways I'm just like any girl". Point made.
Perhaps I will think of more of the mundane questions of the session and I will certainly pass them along!

Step Number One!

I used my female prerogative and changed clothes a couple time before my visited to the "hormone doc" at the VA.
The day was overcast, rainy and chilly. Jeans, flats light sweater and jacket worked well. My goal was to be feminine without going too far.  I did not want to look as if I was trying too hard.
I arrived at the VA facility early and had a chance to sit and get really scared before I started the rather lengthy trip to her office.
The parking lot was a good chance to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.
The lobby of course was packed with older vets and while I did get a few looks. I walked right through, past the info area and up to the elevators. Fortunately, I ended up alone on the elevator but the trip to the seventh floor still seemed like an eternity.
The doors opened into a large hallway and amazingly I was able to follow signs to the area of the facility she was located.  The receptionist had nearly no reaction and simply said have a seat. I took a seat by the magazine table and grabbed one of the women's magazine, crossed my legs and waited.
The VA treats us in the metal health area which does make sense (as much as I resent it) since the psych docs who to have approve us work in the same area. I had a chance to watch quite a few different individuals who paid me no mind at all.
Finally my psychologist came and called me by my last name only and we took off for her office. She seemed very nice as we sat down in her office crossed our legs and got started....

It's Time!

The dawn will bring a major new possibility to my life. 
I have my first appointment with a doc concerning hormone therapy.
I have and will continue to discuss with you all the ramifications.
My major stress concerning our first meeting was deciding to attend as as man or a woman. I seriously have no anxiety of presenting all of my true self to the "Doc" from day one. In fact I want to.
The problem to me seemed to be wondering through a very good sized VA hospital complex. Of course there is going to be a showing of my very male ID.
All of you know this is not my first rodeo. From my everyday "girl" time to going to an NFL game, the world is not a stranger to me.
So why now?
I'm sooo fortunate to have a dear friend who made immediate sense of the situation.
She said go as the person I really want to be. If I really don't want to be Cyrsti then don't go as her and explain why I am considering hormones.
If I want to go forward and continue to push my male life away, then go and be proud of myself. Even her 8th grade son agreed!
How wonderful was her insight!!!!! Almost as if I was missing the forest for the trees.
I could toss you a rationalization I was being influenced by years in the closet.
Finally, she went on to say my male self was just a convenient crutch which was just weakening. 
It does seem tomorrow is the time to toss the crutch out!

A Great BIG OMG!

Thanks for all of you who have helped push the blog over the 100,000 hit mark!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my little on line "diary" would make it to this landmark.
I do know in the vast universe enabled by "Al Gores" Internet, 100 grand is barley a start.
To me however, it is wildly exciting and I thank you all again!

Is Lady Gaga Really Mister Gaga and Should We Care?

I've eavesdropped on several recent conversations in my world concerning the real sex of "Lady Gaga". Possibly by now you have heard of "Gaga's" latest "male invasion" during the "MTV Music Awards" late last month.
One account had her male ego "Jo Calderone" using the men's room through out the day.

"Lady Gaga as Jo Calderone or Jo is Gaga?

Certainly Gaga's support of several transgender causes is commendable. On the other hand,. some of her antics are a little "Jerry Springerish" and self serving.
I won't even begin to speculate on Gaga's true gender.
I do however have a healthy curiosity. Is Gaga really a guy who transforms into an exotic female star or a female star who can transform herself into a realistic guy?
Or should I care at all?

Seems Like An Eternity!

It is Labor Day Weekend in my part of the world. Even though I was on vacation, I celebrated the holiday by working very hard.
The fun part was that I had the chance to work with my family which was great. The hard part was it was in an intense male environment. 
In three days I visit the "doc" to discuss hormones.
I must say the entire male experience which forced me to come in "recontact" with people from my male past did not entice me at the least to rethink my thoughts about hormones.
In fact it reinforced my will to move forward.
The event we all worked so hard to do well in only happens once a year. As everyone was saying their farewells and discussing next year's event...  I had to consider how will I be accepted next year as I move forward with some major gender changes.

Too Late To Enter?

	The 7th annual Miss International Queen™ pageant is scheduled to be held in the beautiful city of Pattaya, Thailand on October 31st - November 4th, 2011. Striving to advance and support today’s transgender/transsexual, Miss International Queen™ Pageant offers great opportunities for transgender/transsexual from all over the world to present their individual beauty and intelligence in a friendly atmosphere. The pageant is limited to the first 25 qualified entries. Applications are accepted and considered from persons between 18-36 years old. Miss International Queen™ Pageant is produced and organized by Tiffany’s Show Pattaya Co., Ltd., the world’s largest transvestite/transgender cabaret show and supported by Tourism Authority of Thailand.								Just Kidding! Go to the site to see why I and 90% of the real women in the world aren't in their league!

What A Great Idea!

This idea was passed along to "Stana's" wonderful "Femulate" blog.
It's from an Irish guy by the name of Dan. Dan has a blog where he lists all these things he wants to do for the first time. One of which is he wanted to spend a day as a woman.
Dan turned out to make a very attractive girl and went out on the town with sisters.He said he had great fun introducing himself to friends to see if they recognized him.
What a great idea to come out to your friends Dan! I'm so jealous I didn't think of it!
Of course Dan had never worn a dress before (wink, wink) and relied on his guy friends and the Internet for instructions on creating cleavage and the like. Women then appeared to put the finishing touches on his make up.
To think of all those years I struggled for ideas to get out in public as a girl! Of course there was Halloween but my schools never had any of the "womanless beauty pageants or weddings" that were and are so popular in the South.
Good job Dan on your first and only trip out as a "convincing" woman (his words). Right Dan!

Trans Star Rising?

Every once in a while it seems transgendered lives are spotlighted in a "normal" informational format.
Recently "Chaz Bono" made history as the first transgendered contestant on "Dancing With The Stars" Chaz has been a remarkable role model for the transgendered community
Yet another program was shown last night (Wednesday, August 31st) on ABC's "Nightline Primetime".
Nightline aired an extensive, five-part examination of the issues facing transgender people.

From 10 year Jack (upper left) to pop star transsexual "Kim Petras" the show presented an intelligent look at the trials facing our culture.
If you haven't seen it, I'm sure there will numerous places to view it on line. Of particular interest to me was the story of Jack/Jackie who happens to from a rural Ohio town. (I too live in Ohio)
I believe there is still a lot to be said for the values of "Middle America". If Jackie is any indication, we are on the road to a better future as transgendered individuals!
What really impressed me was the resolve of a couple of the parents... Just courageous and amazing!