Want's Versus Need's

We haven't really covered much of the Transsexual vs Transgender discussion.
I am very sure I don't fall into the transsexual category for one major reason. I want to live as a girl. I don't have to.
Nothing told me when I was seven that I was a girl. Something did tell me at 10 I was very different. Life went on and signposts slowly were pointing me towards my female side.
Comments such as "you look better as a girl"  made me want more.  The trial and error learning process of living female in the public's eye left me wanting still more.
So what came first. The want or the need?
I can tell you the want has allowed me to feel deeply satisfied in the female role.  Do I need to?  I'm sure if you took the opportunity to live female away tomorrow; I'm certain I would need to.
Does it matter? No, not really in the scope of life. I do wonder sometimes how the transsexual tag fits me.
Then again, I'm probably the only one. My circle of friends don't seem to care.
So if no one cares... just forget I brought this up! lol

Catching Up

Hi friends, just wanted to catch up on the week.  The weather is been very hot and humid in my part of the world.
So bad as a matter of fact that some of my faves closed early last night from lack of business.
The challenge of course is to be able to dress for the heat and not melt.
I'm not exactly sure, but this summer I seem to melt less and my makeup stays put. I have finally found a foundation I use which covers well with less.
The fun part of the summer is I have been able to put together several new outfits. Always a major problem.
I believe I have told you I can not shave my arms so covering them is a problem. The solution has been several several very light weight tops that I wear over bras and halter tops or even nothing at all. I have been able to finally highlight a woman's best fashion accessory in the summer...skin.
Flip flops, bare legs and a short flared skirt are fun to wear and help to cool a warm evening. My diet has served me well in that I can open my top to the air with a flat tummy.
I don't tan well and the thought of tanning beds sends me into shock so  I use a "skin glow" product which is a lotion that softens and gives the skin a warm glow.
So the hottest week of the year around here has been quite the learning experience!
Will I miss it when it goes? No! Will I remember the fun? Yes!

Yet Another Transgendered Model!

26 year old Nikkley Chawla is making a bid to be the next well known transgender model.
She is busy doing Indian and international ramp shows and will next be seen on a popular reality show. 

 Chawla's story is very typical.  Her journey hasn’t been easy. “I come from a orthodox family and they did not talk to me for five years when I told them I wanted a sex change. I went through hell. I never had a good life as a man.”

She Won!

The landslide winner of a radio station's controversial breast implant contest is a transgender Calgarian. Avery is the winner of a Calgary radio station's breast implant contest. (Amp Radio)
The winner of the Amp Radio contest, named by the station only as a musician called Avery, tallied 76 per cent of 30,000 online votes.
Good job!

What It Feels Like To Be A Girl

Good question. I know what it is to be me.
I can tell you the dynamics of the clothes and where the breeze caresses your body in new and exciting places.
I can assume a woman gets used to all of that.
Certainly I will never be able to feel the birthing process or menstrual periods.
Many women though, never go through child birth and if I embark upon the hormone journey I may feel some of effects of overdosing on female hormones.
Actually, I'm teasing with you with much of this. If an editor of a certain trans magazine and I can come to an agreement; I may being writing a much longer article on this subject. (or most certainly on another)
I will never be able to tell you how it feels to be a girl. I can tell you very precisely how feminine I feel.
Then again the transgender community wants to tell me how I'm allowed to feel.
Have you seen any of the endless arguments about what is female?
In a typical male fashion, many transsexuals set standards of feminity. All of the sudden if you didn't open your first Barbie until you were 12 or did not subject yourself to thousands of dollars worth of operations...you can't really feel female.
Before I start an inane rant on a topic with no answer, feeling like a girl to me is admission to a sorority. More later!
Cyrsti

This "Bud's" for You!

Tonight I got called "Bud" in the women's room of one my fave spots. Not in the beer (Budweiser) sense...but the male name. I managed to control myself until the two women left.
I know one by name and the other by looks only. She looks suspiciously like the woman who got my rest room pass revoked years ago.
I thought, should I leave it alone or talk to her?
The problem was she was very intoxicated  and may not remember much of what we had to say anyway, so I  left it alone.
Later on in the evening I had to use the room before heading home. As luck would have it the other woman was back in the the bathroom,
Not one to be quiet , I said to her"why did your friend call me Bud?" She said "aren't you the one whose wife died?" Damn!
To make a long story short, I guess my history still precedes me. It's difficult to believe but I have been going there for close to 4 years now.
I did just lose my wife and I was very confused about life all together. One of the very unwise (stupid) things I did was go to a couple of the same places as a guy and a girl to see if I could. Well, I couldn't there and was immediately busted one night by one of the bartenders when I was in guy drag. Of course I went a step further and told her a little about my immediate life. Truthfully, I was so lost I didn't care.
Then came the experiment period when I changed hair colors and styles more than "Lady Gaga".
So realistically these women still see me as a guy who was married and visits in women's clothes.
I told her yes that's me...but not the same me and I would love to talk to all of them.
Keeping this all in perspective is tough, In grained reactions tell me maybe they are right. I am the same guy in women's clothes. Reality then sets in and I know I'm not.
The interesting part will be how well I can explain it to them.

Another Sorority Visit

I posted a very short response to the date I went on a week or so ago. Out of respect to him (since he reads the blog) I wait to post before I chat with him and will not go too deep! He turned out to be tall, attractive and intelligent! (He even turned out to be a wonderful singer.)
The two of us have chatted about what happened after the date. (He doesn't live around here)
Immediately the women I know in the pub treated me different.  Of course, they were typical females in that they were saying it all with their yes. I was non typical in that I wouldn't talk about it!
Most of them work there so they weren't in a position to say anything and the one that will has gone on vacation, Her return should be fun!
If there is a bottom line, I suppose I have climbed another rung on the real person ladder. The women who were hesitant to let me in their sorority opened the door.
I became more than just a trans girl who comes in and enjoys the music, sports and trivia. I normally just speak when spoken to.
As we know women are more into people and relationships and all of this placed me directly into their arena. All of the sudden the man discussion includes me as a woman!
I know I've mentioned I didn't know how much girl I have inside.  I do now...again.
The difference is I don't have to carry off being a girl. Increasingly I have to carry off being a guy.
It's all so exciting and scary at the same time.

Quote of The Week!

"He's a man who is fundamentally a woman." I heard the quote in a movie called Kinky Boots
The movie is an independent film from 2005.  A man inherits a failing conservative shoe factory from his Dad in England.
By accident he ends up helping a drag queen getting beat up out side of a club.  The two form sort of a bond and the idea of manufacturing a line of boots and shoes for performers etc comes to fruitiion.
Slowly, the factory workers come to accept the idea and the person behind it.
The link above will direct you to a YouTube trailer on the movie.
Worth a check if you haven't seen it!
Cyrsti

A Moment inTime

We always remember moments when our life seems to freeze. Everything stops.
I will age myself and tell you one of my moments.  I was walking down a hall at school and I heard JFK had been assassinated.  I was young but I knew deep down inside the moment had to be huge.
People say your life flashes in front of your eyes when you die. Maybe we  experience the same feelings when we are still among the living.
Time stood still for me the other night and I believe I was still alive.lol.
I was back at the pub where I had the date  for the first time. I was passing the time watching my favorite ball team win and winding down from a long day at work.
Four guys came in and sat down in an area on the way to the patio and restrooms. A couple of them seemingly were paying me some attention. Finally I had to use the restroom and knew I had to pass through them to do it. I was able to time my trip to "the room" when they were preoccupied with another couple women. So far so good.
On the way back however the four were not preoccupied. As I moved past them, they went silent as they turned to watch me move by.
No comments, no laughs no nothing. I made my way back to my seat wondering how time had just stood absolutely still. I had no idea what they they thought. The whole episode was in slow motion.
I then thought about what I call Janie's theory." You can pass as a woman but maybe an unattractive woman. I personally would rather someone say, ‘Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s a guy or a girl, but damn, that person’s attractive…. Why am I attracted to that person?’
About that time a player hit a walk off two run homer and won the game  for my team and a very attractive young man was showing too much interest in my pizza. So the moment was gone.
I wonder today if the moment gets lodged for the final "life tour" before I pass and who decides the rankings?