Thanks!

I would like to thank all of you who sent in suggestions on my weekend crash.
Went out last night and had a great time! Again.
I did go back to my dark hair with waves and curls. I went to my usual spots with no incident except one.
I think I learned a lesson on leaving a situation before it developes.
A woman came in and sat next to me at my second stop. I believe she saw "strength" in numbers as we would appear to be two women sharing some girl time. She was very nervous for whatever reason.
Very quickly the guy on the other side of her asked her to join his group at a nearby club.  She politely declined and continued to drink her beer and never said a word to me.
Not more than ten minutes later, two other guys rolled in and sat down a couple seats from me.  The one guy kept looking our way and I was thinking "here he comes". Well he did.  He passed me up and went directly to her and said something I didn't hear.
She immediately left her drink and left...quickly. I thought "whatever he said" I'm in for it next.  Before he could I paid and left almost as quickly as her.
The only thing I heard as I made my exit was "They weren't together?"
I'm not saying retreating is feminine in nature but I am saying the woman last night is a great example of when retreating is the smart girl thing to do!

Andrej Pejic Stars Again

From "Fashionista" comes the news that model of the moment Andrej Pejic has landed yet another gig: he’s stepped off the runway and gone back behind the camera to model the look book for indie New York label MadeMe.

OUCH!

Well it finally happened, a terrible nite out. Deep down inside I knew it was going to happen and maybe even I subconsciously willed it.
Well, I wish I hadn't and  I don't know why it did.
First of all I pushed my luck and went to a place where I had never been totally welcomed by the staff. I stayed away for nearly six months and decided to try it again. Wrong idea. I made a quick bathroom trip and 15 minutes later was paid a visit by a female cop. She was nice enough as she told me there was a complaint lodged against me. Use the men's room...right.
I said I was leaving anyway and no problem. Should have known better. The whole area is a "redneck" suburb and not normally where I go. Guess where I won't be going in the future!
By this time I was a little off kilter and made a decision to head to one of my "semi safe places" Went in,sat down and was nearly laughed away by these two guys sitting close to me.
What the hell? I had gone literally months of trouble free existence.  Either I was not comfortable with my girlself yesterday or I had a bad run with several individuals who happened to notice I was trans and cared.
Obviously this run of bad luck is not my first. Ironically similar situations arose when I was a blond before.
Life was good until somehow, someway I crashed it.
Decisions, decisions.  Do I stay blond or go dark again?
I work in guy drag this week ( a lot) so I will have sometime to consider which direction I may go.
One of my major concerns is that I'm missing something all of the sudden.Of course I know the gender transition without hormones or surgery is a combination of three parts. You have to be as skillful as you can be with your style, makeup etc. You have to network yourself as trans most of the time and try to put yourself in the right places. Most importantly, you have to have the confidence to be who you are.
As I look back on the debacle, the only difference in number one was my hair color. I was wearing flats, jeans and a black jacket. Nothing outlandish. Number two I trashed by trying to expand my network where I shouldn't. Number two certainly could have affected three.
I'll be playing the numbers later this week!

The Seeds Of Hate

The seeds of hate are nourished by confusion and ignorance. Not an earth shattering statement to be sure but I saw it up and close and personal the other night.
I've seen this guy notice me a couple times in one of the places I go. There is no real secret there of my past so I believe he knows I'm trans.
The last time I saw him, our eyes locked for a few seconds (which I try never to do). I think I saw the hint of confusion in him. Did he find me attractive. If he did what were the feelings he was dealing with? Unfairly I looked at him as a overly macho, redneck guy.I know as little about him as he knows about me.
I began to think. Is this where it all starts. The confusion over looks and an ignorance of what it means?
We all know a simple act of aggression is a male reaction to some problems.
The simple act of aggression can easily turn into a hate crime.
Thank God she hasn't challenged with me that yet and thank God for the really nice female friends who go out of their way to make me feel welcome!
Simple meetings such as that can only make me imagine what torture the truly attractive transgendered women go through.  Telling a man up front is the right thing to do for sure. 
Craving attention and hating loneliness shouldn't be a sin either. Being beaten or worse yet killed for hiding the truth are terrible.
I believe I may seen just a small part of that road the other night.

There Is Progress!

Here are a couple of "feel good" stories.
The first comes form "Jacqueline White" at the "StarTribune"
Here is an excerpt,
"It sounds like a great set-up for drama: My spouse, Marcus, who used to be Margery, goes back to the college he attended as a woman, which happens to be a women's college, Mount Holyoke.
How will the alumnae respond when one of their own shows up at their 25th reunion as a man?
The drama turned out to be a nonstory. Of course some classmates did initially --understandably -- look to me as the presumed alumna.
The worst thing to happen was that one person laughed when Marcus showed up at the registration table claiming to be a graduate. But he still got a registration packet.
When he took his turn saying a few words about what he'd been up to since he graduated, his classmates responded with hearty applause. And guess what?
Other than his gender transition, what Marcus had been up to was not all that different from what his classmates had been up to. He got established in his career, bought a house, served on some nonprofit boards, got married and adopted our daughter."
"In the end, he turned out to be just another guy with a receding hairline reminiscing at his 25th college reunion."
Unfortunately, Marcus's story does not take into consideration the 63% of transgendered individuals who have experienced simple to severe bias in their lives. (2011 National Transgender Discrimination Survey) .
The difference it seems is largely based in how the family accepts the gender transition.
The next story is an excerpt from a continuing one you have probably heard of.
From the "Mother Company" comes part two in a story called "Raising a Boy in Pink".
Son "Sam" suddenly announced he wanted to wear a pink dress to school and here is part of the reaction.
The parents coached Sam on what to say to the children at preschool who might tease him. They role-played things he could say back to them. They talked about how much teasing can hurt, but that teasing is wrong. At that morning’s school drop-off, Mom's faith in Sam moved up a notch when he announced to his teacher, “Look at my pretty dress! No one is allowed to make fun of me.”
After school, Sam beamed as he reported that his teachers had said they liked his dress, and the other four-year-olds had said he looked pretty. But the kids in the five-year-old class teased him and told him that “boys can’t wear dresses,” and that he “must not be a boy.”
“What did you say back?” I asked. “I said, ‘Don’t make fun of me! I can be a boy and wear a dress, because it is my choice!’”
Enough (and more than enough) said!

The Final Stand? Or Sit?

In a bathroom?
Who would have "thunk it"? The great gender battles we are seeing about the use of bathrooms?
Quite possibly "it's" the biggest bathroom experience a transgender person faces in life after learning to use it in the first place.
Using the "line in the sand" reference and linking it to a cat box is appropriate. If a person who resents you for being transgendered has no other recourse, the bathroom is the last resort for protest.
It has happened to me. I've written about the woman who resented my presence period. She got me barred from a woman's room for a period of time.
I was accepted by the other patrons and caused absolutely no trouble but that was not good enough for her.
Am I missing something? Maybe the release of body waste is a highly personal matter to women?
It certainly hasn't been to the women I've seen use the men's room at certain concerts and sporting events I've attended as a guy.
Just another double standard? The men's room is much more open to viewing whatever than the women's room. "Me" thinks it is a double standard!
I've heard the chatter in the "sanctuary" and discovered no top secret CIA information. That idea is out. The women discussing those guys wouldn't have cared if "Larry King" was standing there.
On the other hand I'm careful to cherish and protect my restroom pass! I tidy up after my self and get in and out.

If the restroom is where the conservative genderists want to draw the line, we all need to do our best not to have it drawn in front of us!
Finally.... OMG sit down to pee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navajo Dine'

NPR is running a story on "Michelle Enfield" a transgendered woman from Los Angeles.
Michelle is part of the Navajo nation. She has been on hormone replacement therapy since 1997 and recounts the story of her family accepting her. Here is an excerpt:
My family had already been accepting of me through all the different stages of my life because as a Dine' (Navajo), our people see LGBT individuals as having many healing energies.
I have been discriminated against; I've been sexually and physically abused; I've loved and have been loved. Learning to take care of myself emotionally requires me to be happy with all of me. I must accept and learn from all of my experiences because they make me who I am today.

Michelle Enfield

I have said before how fascinated I am with the Dine' and their culture.

Different Strokes For....

I'm presenting a montage of pictures just a bit out of our blog comfort zone!

The first is "Bailey Jay"  transsexual porn star who alluded to the fact she looks like this because she always wanted to and it just happened.
Sure Bailey, and porn is "PG" rated!

"Nomi Ruiz" pictured left is a Brooklyn born singer/songwriter.

As is the case with many of us, Nomi knew she should be a girl at a very early age.





Last and least is a picture of "Weird Al" Yankovic doing "Lady Gaga". Actually it's Al's face pasted on a girls body. He should have gone all the way! Come on Al!

Gabrielle Rivera :"It's Not Getting Any Better"

The much publicized campaign ("It Gets Better") aimed at LGBT youth is indeed a wonderful message. In the midst of the celebration of the victories the community has won, at least one voice is reminding all of us who far we have to go..or is she?
Bronx poet Gabrielle Rivera, said  “No, it doesn’t get better—but you do get stronger.” Has she been living under a rock? I believe it has gotten much better. No way in my youth could I have gained the acceptance I have now.
Gabrielle Rivera is right in that I am stronger and happier.
I certainly understand the gains are sometimes temporary and hard fought.  At least now when a public person takes aim at our community, there is a backlash.
Gabrielle Rivera must spend no time with kids. More and more care less and less about traditional gender roles. Much of my most positive feedback comes from "20 somethings"
On a personal level I need to get stronger. I should have made the effort the other day to say something to the woman with that stupid smirk on her face and I should done a better job of correcting a trans slur at work.  But hey, I'm trying and I will get better because we have a long way to go!
I know people in NYC feel their world is one of the only relevant ones that exist before you get to the west coast.  Gabrielle Rivera needs to get out and see it!