The Girl with the Kaleidoscope Eyes

As I came home last night, I was pleasantly surprised to see the "BBC" was  airing a special about "John Lennon".Little did I know how special the show would become!
As I sat and watched, a girl from one of the Beatle songs appeared. Then magically,. "The girl with the kaleidoscope eyes." came into the room.  Her long hair was tied back with a colorful headband. A short colorful shirt revealed 3 or 4 inches of bare tummy. A long chain with a peace sign seemed to drop to her worn bell bottomed jeans.
Not only did I want to know her, I wanted to be like her. One of the hippie girls, long hair flowing and bell bottom jeans dragging the ground.  The girls in the mini's were impressive enough but I identified with the peace sign girls..tie dye shirts, beads and all.
As the show continued, Lennon's "Imagine" played. The girl was gone and I remembered how my heart ached as I flew across the world to a war I didn't believe in I watched the sunset from the plane's windows as Lennon's "Imagine" played on my headsets.  I thought...if I was her, I wouldn't have to go.
I realized quickly, those years made me the girl I am today.  I understand a little more now why you will rarely see me in a skirt let alone a dress.
How odd it feels to think I'm still the protest girl.  The one that rather hang out with a group rather than one close girlfriend.  Even odder is the thought that I might have been better at hanging out with the guys as a girl? Does all of this mean that all those years trying to be the "alpha" male were wasted.
No. One can only learn from the past not relive it. What is done is done.
So now I can explain why I'm the person I am. While it's true my inner girl was born many years earlier, she experienced the greatest personal growth years later.
This is no huge revelation, we all do it.  The bigger revelation is that the kaleidoscope girl opened my eyes to my past and I listened.

Red Head Hall of Fame!

http://www.covergirl.com/This picture comes from the "Gossip Gurl" link.
Just amazing Cheekbones!

Was she born with them...or is it "Covergirl"?

A Merry Christmas From Kohl's?

Akasha Adonis

By now you have probably heard of the transgender attack at a Kohl's store in Tennessee. "Akasha Adonis" Black Friday shopping was turned ugly when she was attacked by a fellow shopper.
Regardless of the facts of the case, the whole ordeal brings reality to the possible danger we face as trans girls.
I know I live in my own little version of "Oz". If someone notices who I really am (a gender mix), they certainly wouldn't get violent? Right? Wrong!
I really need to add the pepper spray to my purse.  Real girls do it,so I should too.
I'm "sly" enough to carry feminine hygiene products, but dumb enough to not carry protection?
My experience with "Kohl's" stores are they are primarily located in "safe" mall areas. My assumption is that any of us would feel safe there
The "Akasha" story just brings a certain sort of stark reality back to the situation. Certainly life would be simpler in a more liberal setting like San Fransisco as compared to a small town in Tennessee. However, in either locale it still takes only once person to turn your life upside down.
I guess this week I'll put off buying that necklace I love and purchase pepper spray. Sad!

I am NOT a Crossdresser!

You probably aren't either!
I'm sharing a post I wrote for "Hub Pages". Please read it carefully because I'm NOT really saying anything derogatory about crossdressing. Enough of that already exists.

I don't spend 100% of my life yet as a female, but when I do does that qualify me as a crossdresser? When I'm working as a guy...maybe I'm a crossdresser then?
Where is the mystical line? If you take the word in it's most basic form I am a crossdresser because I don't wear the clothes of my birth gender. Then again, who says what my birth gender really was?
What "clicks" in my brain when I'm a girl? I shop and eat and do girl stuff. I simply love the hair, clothes and makeup! The word cross dresser has no meaning. If I'm not a female, I'm certainly not a guy just dressed in ladies clothes trying to fool the world.
Are you a crossdresser? Even if you are walking through the mall in sky high heels, big hair and a short skirt you may not be. You could be going through your teen girl years. It happens to all of them. They grow up and so will you.
Don't get me wrong here. I know I will never be a genetic female. No amount of surgery or hormones has perfected that miracle of science yet. I am a mix of both genders and something I'm becoming very comfortable with. The crossdresser in you will disappear as you feel more comfortable and your female side establishes what she wants to be.
So,when someone refers to you as a crossdresser, maybe you are not. Think of it this way. I'm a guy out of convenience and a girl out of desire!
I know I'm repeating some of my other posts but hopefully you won't mind!
On "Hub Pages" I did come across an article from a slightly confused "straight" guy concerning a very attractive neighbor who turned out to be trans, as well as a friend's encounter with a beautiful "woman" in Las Vegas. I've included a video to make all women jealous... trans or genetic!

America's Hottest Transsexuals Compilation Part 1

What's Next?

It's quiet time.  A very long stressful day at work is over. As I sit here in front of this keyboard, I wonder what the future holds.
Is a bi-gender life feasible?  I certainly would not go back to a full time male lifestyle but it is certainly possible I could go the other direction in the future. Truly not much stands in the way except the present.
I've never been one to sit still and accept the status quo.  A "boat rocker" could be on my tombstone.
My latest toys "Hot or Not" and a "Big Beautiful Women" dating site have been good for recreational relief. I'm up to an unbelievable "8.8" out of ten on the "hot" site and at least 30 flirts on the other in a week.
All fun and games...with  lot of empty calories! When you eat that "value meal" at your fast food joint, you are hungry again in an hour.  Understandable because you ate nothing of substance.
That's exactly where I am. Sure I have my circle of friends I love dearly and it would be very interesting to see what they really thought of my direction. Several couldn't comment because they know nothing of my male side. A couple others don't know the real story anyhow and probably don't care.
It doesn't matter because I know however the only person capable of making decisions in my life of this magnitude is me.
In the meantime, I worry if my innate boredom and the desire to go ever forward will push me to hormones and the like.
A decision made from that point just can't be a good one. There just has to be more!

She Didn't Go There!

Yes she did!
I was sitting in a very crowded pub, quite satisfied to watch sports and drink some beer.
I had arrived quite some time earlier and even made a couple restroom trips without so much as a side glance.
Midway through the evening a group of five moved into the bar area where I was sitting. At least a half hour later the woman sitting next to me turned and said "Are you male?"
My mind clicked off many answers and finally decided on the truth. "Partially" I told her. She went on to ask did I have short hair when I was a guy or were the red curls all mine? She said she really wished she could get her her to look like mine. I told her that actually if I let my hair grow out, it is very thick and wavy. It would not be a stretch to think my hair could be colored and styled to look like this.
It was her birthday night and she quickly grew tired of my novelty and my evening was coming to an end.
The only problem I really had was getting read for male.  I'm not naive enough to know that it won't happen.
If "girls" on hormones and surgery get busted, certainly it will happen to me.
Then I considered , is this whole problem just a throw back to my male ego? Is it similar to making the last out in a big baseball game or getting pushed back into a hole in the line in football? OMG I hope not!
As luck would have it, about the time I was having all these deep thoughts I took a look at "Janie's" Blog.
I think she is a gorgeous woman and in her last post she talks about all the curiosity she encountered on one of her shopping trips.  I knew how she was going to approach the same situation I was in because she has written about it before. Essentially she likes being the "special person" she is and if people aren't hurtful or mean-go ahead and ask or look. It's OK!
So once again she got me back on track accepting the exotic critter I am.
The guy side of me will always remember the agony of sports defeats but my girl side will always cherish moments too.
How much fun will it be when I get to the point of answering questions about my gender with well thought of and concise answers?
Somehow I always get taken by surprise.Perhaps the best answer is "male by convenience, female by desire?"

Just Couldn't help it!

I signed up for a vanity sight and felt guilty about it.
Somehow it did not feel right but I wanted to see what others thought of my look...as a woman. There was no transgender tag attached to it at all.
I ever so slowly opened the email saying I received votes. I was very afraid of the results.  Why?
I suppose the score validates me as a girl somehow?  A rating attached to all the trial and error work over the years?
Then I thought, what the heck real women do it why shouldn't I? I'm sure it doesn't validate them as biological women but it does validate their looks. When a girl gets rated the magical "10", sure she feels good!
Well the site I went on was "Hot or Not". I've seen other trans girls explore it and I was certain I saw a couple on the site.
Well so far, my rating is an 8.5! Initially I was flattered and humored equally.
Now my reaction is "Wow"!  How  great is it to be rated close to the really beautiful girls on the site!
But you know, it's just a picture. The inner Cyrsti is flattered but it doesn't make her a better girl!

Damn, I'm Old!

As I was doing my usual "channel surf" a day or so before Thanksgiving, I saw one of my million channels was showing "Ally McBeal" reruns all Thanksgiving Day. If you have never seen the show, it centers around a yuppie law firm. A very quirky 90's show with Calista Flockhart as the star.
I remembered being excited when I saw the shows preview's originally.  Finally a realistic portrayal of one of us! "Ally" was going to change the life of a "transvestite prostitute."
Of course I wondered exactly how long ago was it? 1997!
I also recalled that two things stood out in the show. The first was how Stephanie the "transvestite prostitute" looked. Very attractive with dynamite legs was how I remembered her.
I was not disappointed! I returned home from my family's Thanksgiving feast and turned on the DVD disk. the episode is called "Boy to the World" and it stars "Wilson Cruz" as Stephanie.
In those days, the "outfits of choice" in the law office were business suits with short skirts and Cruz more than held his own with the rest of the women. The best shot was when he was walking down a short flight of steps with "Jane Krakowski". The camera started at their high heels and followed them down the steps in their short skirts. The fact that Cruz had better legs was even more amazing because "Krakowski" was a dancer too.
Unfortunately, Cruz's looks are where the positives end.
The "transvestite prostitute" title didn't thrill me but again the show aired well over a decade ago. Ally and "Stephanie" (Cruz) did see a shrink who briefly mentioned gender dysphoria but that was it.
Stephanie was also treated badly by Krakowski's character in the show. I would have thought an upscale group of yups would have done better.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention "Dyan Cannon" in this show! She had the most amazing hair! The best part was she supposedly was way too old to have all that curly wonderful blond hair!
Awright girls, I'm not smart enough to tell you how to track this episode down. I saw it on the "Reelz" Network on my satellite feed. The rest is up to you!