Psst! There are Cross Dressers Among Us

This Cyrsti's Condo post comes from 2012 but is still very relevant today:

Over the months and years here in the condo, we have labored over many different labels. Out of pure simplicity I have just decided to stay with a couple main ones such as transgender and transsexual. To take the whole step further the terms "culture and community" have come into discussion too.

Having said all of that, I wonder where all the semantic babble we indulge in leaves the cross dressers who often exist like the "elephant in the corner". First of all, here are some of my ideas of a cross dresser:

In the most basic sense, we are all crossdressers. If you came out of the womb as a male and dress as a female (or vice versa) you are a cross dresser. All the tons of information, ideas and theories why don't matter in this discussion. Where I'm going here is where being a crossdresser may take us-or not.

For a fact I know more than just a few of you who are content to be just a cross dresser  You may love the feeling of the clothes-physically and or sexually. You may not have any desires to experience the world as a female in any sense and t

hat's all good. Then, comes a much bigger cross dresser segment.

I use the term "transition crossdressers". You are the ones who are not certain what all this means. Is a sex change in your future? What about your life as you know it now? The bottom line is you know this is so much more than just putting on women's clothes in the privacy of your home. Exploration begins in so many areas  ranging from attending meetings to going public as a member of your chosen gender. (No matter how successful)

I was a transition crossdresser. What ever sexual thrill I initially experienced from women's clothes went away quickly and I was left wondering what was missing here? Like so many of you, I dug a hole, jumped into it and tried to bury that part of me. I was the crossdressed elephant in the corner of the room.  Silent and largely ignored by the rest of the transgender community and invisible to the transsexuals.

For the most part nothing has changed in our culture for the transition crossdresser except for the enormous amount information available today.

The only positives I can offer here are I know you are sitting in the corner and I remember the enormous struggles I have gone through to arrive at this point in my life. Referencing you becomes the problem because in some senses I believe you are the "silent majority" in the transgender culture because of necessity. Some seem to think if you have not made the blind leap of faith into absolute gender transition it makes you less of a person. I of course do not believe that and in many ways write this blog to provide any insight and help and can provide.

Yes Virginia, there are cross dressers among us!

Progress?

As I read over many of my old Cyrsti's Condo posts over the years, I wonder if we as a transgender community has progressed much at all.

Many times I believe it has since the "T" in the LGBT logo is not nearly as silent as it used to be. I remember the day when I was discriminated against in a gay bar and had a hard time even getting a cocktail.

It could be the HRT working for me, but today I don't think I am mistaken for a cross dresser or drag queen as much. Although I have nothing against either. Or, it could be society is more "used" to the idea of a non binary transgender type person.

Or perhaps, I just don't care what society thinks and the freedom gives me a better chance to lead whatever life I choose, which happens to be a feminine one.

Even with the current administration which at times seems to foster a particular dislike for us, a certain amount of society has used the time to accept us and even vote for transgender in the LGBT political tickets around the country.

So, I guess times are better. We now have established organizations such as Lambda Legal which can fight for our basic rights in courts. Plus as more and more people are lucky enough to meet or know a transgender person, the less foreign we seem.

Certainly progress is slow and even uncertain in the current times we live in, but our tribe has proven to be tough and resilient for the battles for trans equality ahead.

We Got Female

Received several great comments here in Cyrsti's Condo over the weekend about several different posts. The first comes from Paula Goodwin on Eddie Izzard:

Paula GoodwinDecember 4, 2017 at 6:33 AM

"Izzard is a contentious figure over here, for some he is "not trans enough" because he will switch presentation, for others he is "not serious enough" because of his day job as a comic, and for others again he is "not female enough" but is seen as a male invading female spaces. I am something of a fan, but suspect that a less famous, more settled personality will beat him. We already have trans councillors and MEPS, but as yet no Labour party MPs, We have several candidates but none yet in a winnable constituency. (I have considered standing myself but I'm not sure that I and my family could stand the media attention). "

Thanks Paula! From what I know of Eddie Izzard, I imagine he does create some controversy. I was surprised when he publically crossed the line from cross dresser to transgender.

The second comment comes from Joanna about the post comparing cross dressing as a gateway "drug" to becoming transgender : joanna SantosDecember 3, 2017 at 3:44 PM

"I went through exactly the same type of thinking Cyrsti and finally realized it wasn't a drug but the denial of your true nature emulating a withdrawal cycle we had created by denying it. Takes a while to figure this out however and when you do its a great relief. Nice post"

Thanks to you Joanna! Love the comment!

Our final comment for the day comes from Connie:

"Speaking of holiday parties, I have been invited, again, to the annual party given by a couple who "disinvited" me a few years ago after I came out to them. After meeting with them privately later, however, they considered me acceptable to mingle with their esteemed guests the next year. This will be the third year I will attend in all of my holiday party glamour, and I go just to spite them. They are Trump supporters, as are many of their friends, and I feel I must be there to represent the "deplorables" of the world. I refuse to talk politics at any party, especially this one. I will be, however, charming, witty, and looking my best. I'm sure that I am the only trans woman many of them have ever met, and I want to leave the best impression that I can. If some of the husbands come away thinking I'm prettier than their wives (and I am, I think, in some cases), that is just icing on the Christmas cookie. I haven't decided what to wear yet - except for the all-important smile (while simultaneously biting my tongue often)."

Being more than a little pretentious myself, I don't being the "star" attraction at a party and so far I have never have had to discuss politics. Plus, Liz's big boss is an out lesbian, so the LGBT connection works in my favor.

As far as being better looking than someone else, I can't/won't answer to that either. I just do the best I can within the limits I have to work with. Thanks for the comment.