Prom Daze

I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo perhaps two years ago revisiting my prom experiences and got blitzed by a couple readers.  Their problems seemed to be wrapped around the fact I went to Prom at all and was sort of bragging about it. For them to even think that represents a real failure on my part of communicating my thoughts.  To you international visitors, "Prom" is a spring ritual rite of teen passage-often involving more angst, expense and even pain than anything else.  In other words it's a formal dance, dinner etc.

I went to my junior and senior proms.  Interestingly, it's held against me now, by some who want to attach some sort of former male privilege to going.  I thought just the opposite was true.  As the guy, I had to find a date, not be the one in the pretty dress, and finance most of the evening.  Some "privilege", right?  I know now of course, the view from the girls side of the fence wasn't quite that green either.  She had to wait to get asked, obsess over finding the right dress and hope the clumsy boy (me) didn't gouge her trying to pin the corsage on or ruin her new shoes stepping on them while we danced.  Oh yes, I experienced another male privilege when I got cornered by my senior date's Dad, and told what not to do with his daughter.

Sadly, at least in my generation, the whole affair was set up for failure and we never knew it.  The popular kids socialized and won Queen and King contests, while the rest of us struggled along just by being there, or not going at all.  Today there is hope as more and more schools are being forced to open up their prom events to transgender, gay or lesbian students.  As with so many other things, the younger generation is doing a better job than we did, which is wonderful!

Oh yes, there are two side notes to my senior prom.  One is tragic because years later my date committed suicide following her second divorce.  Among other things, she was worried about her declining looks -she was a beautiful 40 something woman when she did it. Maybe her Dad should have spent more time building her esteem and not harassing me (No grudge though!). The other is fun in that the supper club we had dinner in that night years later became a gay venue.  I couldn't wait to go there and use the same bathroom the girls used that night - and I did and didn't pee down my leg!

So there you go kids, I hope maybe this time I was able to do do a better job of communicating what prom meant to me.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the gorgeous Mtf transsexual woman Maria Roman

Transgender Onions

Identifying as a transgender woman these days continues to be a fascinating experience. Seemingly, once a week, I am genuinely surprised by something I read, see or personally experience. Lately, I have been fascinated by the number of truly beautiful androgynous pictures of people I see on line.  I have begun to refer to them as "too much beauty for one gender."   The example on the right is Alexander Bekker from Russia looking for all the world like the sexiest sultry "vampiress" of Count Dracula's dreams, but stops short with a bare male chest.  Sure I know this example is "photo shopped" to hell and back but many others just aren't.    

Then there are the "new" generation of transgender thinkers such as Parker Malloy,  who are challenging the very basics of what we are about. Primarily the notion held by most of my generation that one should transition, find a man and disappear into society. For any number of reasons, I didn't fit that mold but took another path and began a serious transition on HRT from cross dresser to transgender. Now it seems I'm peeling back another layer of the onion and transitioning again to a place I thought was impossible to access.  

Do you remember the 1989 movie called Altered States ? The plot centered around actor William Hurt who played a Harvard scientist.  He conducted experiments on himself with a hallucinatory drug and isolation chamber. In the movie he ends up regressing genetically (as you will too if you watch the movie "under the influence" too many times)!  My point is now I'm seemingly beginning to be able access a female persona in myself- "female" not "woman". The problem is I thought it was impossible.  I felt no matter how many operations you had and meds you ingested, you are a woman-not female.  Now , I'm not so sure.  Much of my "altered" belief comes from the different way I perceive the world these days and a portion of it seems to not be a "learned" response but a brain driven one.  I've even taken my thought pattern to the point of SRS, which is pretty much out of the question for me due to financial and even age considerations.  But, what if it wasn't, would I?

There is obviously so much more to this story that has not been written and even if I did go for SRS, a whole new transition would take place to write about. Also, like it or not, the Grim Reaper holds the rights to the final chapter. So, in the meantime,I hope he stays away and I will get back with you when I peel another layer of our onion. Hope it doesn't make us cry!

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