Act Like you have Been There.

Transition 101 basic:  "Act like you've been there."

Easier said than done when you are trying to negotiate the world as a transgender woman or man, or a cross dresser exploring life out of the closet.

If someone refuses to admit how terrified they were in the public eye, "me thinks" they may be fibbing.

I was so scared along the way, I thought I was going to have to carry an oxygen tank as a fashion accessory for use if I fainted from fear.

One of the key transition terms I blocked from my thoughts early in the process was the idea, "I was trying to fool anyone.  I was dressed as a woman therefore I was.  I also was helped when I  made the conscious decision to know being accepted as a transgender woman was good enough and maybe as far as I would ever get.

Of course there were more than a few hurdles to navigate.  The first was the appearance factor I already mentioned. The second was knowing human beings are predators and would pick up any "blood in the water". I would be noticed  more if I gave the impression I was doing anything wrong. Even when I was whispered about and even laughed at, I somehow, someway  learned to take a deep breath and move on.

It just takes awhile for those of us who have lived in our birth genders for any length of time to accomplish one of the most difficult of all human tasks - transitioning into our chosen gender. One of the most amusing comments I read is "I won't go out in public as a woman until I am very attractive." I quickly think they never will get out of the closet.

Most of you Cyrsti's Condo regular visitors know the rest of the story.  I "acted" like I had been in society as a trans woman until I owned doing it. To this day though,  I still have the old fears of ghosts from cross dressing past coming back to haunt me. They are a tough crowd!

Finally, unless you are one of the many people who are much smarter than me, the only way I know to transition your gender in the world is to do it. When you do, you won't have to act like you've been there. You have!

Cyrsti's Condo's Feature Photo of the Day

Fernanda Brown:   (before and after)  

 And below which speaks for itself!

Gender and Sexuality

"Nikki Sinclaire" , Britain’s first transsexual parliamentarian, has revealed how she became a lesbian after a brutal rape on a London street.

Sounds like just another headline sensationalized to attract readers and it is, except for one key phrase.  The headline comes from The Herald Sun News:

"Sinclaire, a Member of the European Parliament (MEP), was born a boy but had gender reassignment surgery in 1995 at the age of 23. Until then she lived as a gay man and even after the operation she continued to date men. But in 1999 she was attacked walking home in central London. “My arm was gripped and my leg kicked. I gasped, overbalanced and landed painfully with a suffocating weight on top of me.

 “It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I had grown up in London but I felt so vulnerable.” Following her sex change she found herself being attracted to women. But why would she go to the trouble of surgery if in the end she was going to date women? She told the paper: “That’s mixing gender with sexuality. I’ll admit that at the time I didn’t know if I could cope with being gay again - I wanted to live an ordinary life.” 

Sinclaire said she had her first lesbian experience after meeting a woman at a bar in Liverpool. “We were playing pool and got speaking. One thing led to another, which is unusual in the lesbian community. It was a wow moment, the best sex I’d had in my life.” In the aftermath of the rape she became “very anti-men” and after one more sexual encounter with a man which she said didn’t feel right, she began dating women full-time."

The true worth of the story is how she mentions to the world that gender and sexuality are different and shouldn't be mixed.  It's one of the main misconceptions the world has of the transgender world and beyond- into our own culture. I've seen statements from transsexual women doubting the sincerity of any transgender woman who may still be attracted to genetic women. Really?

Of all the people in the world, trans women and men should be able to understand completely the difference in gender and sexuality brought up in Nikki Sinclaire's story.