I actually wanted to call this post "If I Knew Then What I Know Now."
Then I thought, I
didn't know it then so who cares? It seems maybe
I do.
Should I have come out to more people earlier in my life?
Compared to others, I guess I actually did. I've told all of you before both of my wives knew of my transgendered leanings. Indirectly both of them
enabled me to learn more about my feminine side.
I compare the process to walking up to a sharp steep cliff. Each step I took as a girl took me a little closer to that cliff. Deep down I knew once I jumped there would be no return.
Or so I thought.
For most of my life, the thought actually scared me. Sure I loved the feminine existence I was learning but I also wasn't sure I could live it full time.
So I waited and sometimes put myself and my loved ones through hell. They were better humans than I. On occasion they helped me, sympathized with me and even shamed me into making a decision I just couldn't make.
Until now.
Right or wrong I rationalize not telling others more earlier in my life or accepting the reality of a feminine existence because I still valued my male life.
Every time I crept closer to the cliff and looked over, he kept pulling me back.
What he never counted on was the incredible strength and endurance of the woman he was fighting.
As she looks back at him and jumps off the cliff, she just smiles and says you could have saved so many so much suffering.
If only I knew then what I know now.....
