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| Image from Spencer Davis on UnSplash. |
Without knowing it, my life has turned into a path of gender
discovery. When I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, I discovered
yet again what the magic of HRT hormones had done for me and how fortunate I
was to be in the situation I was in. But it was not always that way.
Like many of you, my discovery began when I was spending too
much of my time as a youth exploring my mom’s clothing and makeup. From that
point forward I was hooked as I tried my best not to destroy any of mom’s
clothes as I outgrew them. Possibly, I was successful because she never said
anything to me about her wardrobe which was fairly extensive for a high school
teacher back in those days. In the 1960’s.
Very early on, as I was making gender discoveries left and
right, I ended up refusing to accept the most important one. That my life was
much deeper than just wearing girls’ clothes in front of the mirror, I really
wanted to be a girl. If I had the information tools to know it, instead of just
liking the clothes and the look, I was in fact, transgender. The problem was,
this was way before the internet and social media years, so I had no access to
the world of cross-dressers than my occasional delivery of “Virginia Prince’s” “Transvestia”
magazine. Once I received my newest edition, I could compare how I looked with
all the other cover girls in the issue. To be sure, a real discovery came from
every issue.
Perhaps, most importantly, were the back of the issue pages which
I discovered advertised “Tri-Ess” social mixers for so called straight transvestites
all over the country. Including ones in my native Ohio which I discovered were
within driving distance of me. From that point forward, I wanted to personally attend
a social and see where I fit into a gender system which I felt so alone in. When
I gathered the resources and courage to do it, I signed up for a social/mixer
which was a couple hours away from me. That sparked my first big discovery of
my transgender life. By being around like-minded people for the first time in
my life, I hoped my loneliness would go away. Sadly, it did not because I still
felt alone in the middle of a crowded room. I am sure part of it had to do with
my inherent shyness, and the rest from going through for the first time how it
felt to be without my learned male self-protection privileges. Starting all
over as myself was an initial shock.
In the protected world I was from, I had no idea of how many
layers of people I would meet on the gender spectrum. My eyes were opened from
meeting cigar smoking cross dressers who seemed to be denying the fact that
they were there at all. All the way to the impossibly feminine transsexuals who
had been on HRT and were headed to gender realignment surgeries. The problem
was that I did not know where I fit in the new system I was seeing.
I just knew I needed to figure it out which meant a deep exploration
into my inner self, no matter how painful it might be. Discovery then took on a
new meaning to me as I explored the world as a transgender woman trying to
carve out a life for herself. At the time, I was only going to gay venues to
see if I could meet a like minded individual there but quickly learned I could
not and took the next best step to try to test myself out by discovering if the
straight world would accept me. By doing so, I found myself in all kinds of
different situations in everything from small lesbian bars to big straight casual
dining venues such as TGIF. After some scary beginnings, I discovered I could
fit in on my own terms. Which surprised me beyond my greatest expectations. I
was also learning that my goal of living an everyday life as a trans woman just
maybe could be within reach. If I wanted it bad enough.
I did discover I did want a transfeminine life enough to
sort out my male baggage I would not need on a male to female gender transition.
It seemed my path for the first time was lit up like a new highway to my future
if I wanted it. The best part was I was still discovering what it meant to be myself
as I made a new world for my long-awaited transgender woman to emerge and live
in. It is not often that a human has a chance to re-invent themselves and enjoy
the challenge of doing it but I got there. I discovered by putting myself out
there in the world I could build a new feminine life from the ashes of my old
male life, I even went online and my wife Liz found me on a dating site, and we
have been together for nearly fourteen years now. I was prepared at that time
to spend the rest of my life alone and discovered I did not have to. It was a
real surprise.
Over what has turned out to be a long life, I have been able
to make many discoveries which have aided my progress in the world. Including
more than a few which I never thought would happen such as my relatively easy time
in the Army all the way to me being able to make my way to living a life as a
fulltime transgender woman. While, at the same time retaining some of my most
important male building blocks along the way.
I hope you have the chance to make your own discoveries in
your life that you deserve. Enjoying your discoveries should be a part of your pleasure.
Thanks for reading along and comments are always
appreciated.
