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As a man, fight or flight became very important to me. Primarily because I needed to become the protector of the loved ones around me and myself.
To be clear, I was never much of a physical fighter, but as
I grew into manhood, I was not shy of confrontations either. I could use my
size and or male knowledge to back off most potential opponents. For the most part,
it was a straightforward proposition. Rule, or be ruled.
Of course, when I transitioned from my unwanted male life
into a new exciting feminine world, my idea of fight or flight needed to
dramatically change, before I got hurt.
Not too long ago, I had a question from one of my readers
asking me what the most important male privilege that I lost was. I replied,
the loss of my personal security. I found out quite quickly how dangerous men
can be to women a couple times right after I transitioned and left myself in
compromising situations around toxic men. I was fortunate my second wife was
around to bail me out the first time and I was able to spend my last five-dollar
bill to pay two guys off to leave me alone on the second. The best five dollars
I had ever spent! (There probably should be something to the effect I was cheap
but not easy brought up too!)
All kidding aside, escaping these situations taught me valuable
fight or flight lessons. Gone were the days of out bluffing other men in
potentially harmful situations, and in were the days of planning ahead to stay
out of situations which could cause me trouble. Keep in mind also, I was
spending most of my time out to be alone in those days, so I as completely
alone as a transgender woman. If I passed as a cisgender woman, was I in better
shape than if I was read as being a trans woman. There was no good alternative,
and I always kept flight ideas in the back of my mind if I needed them. I think
one of my biggest paranoias was having some bigot sneak up on me from behind
and pull my wig off. Which never happened.
Through it all, I suffered from not having a girlhood to
grow up in where I could learn the lessons all cisgender women know. Such as
doing their best not to find themselves in dark unlit parking lots alone.
Following my close call on a dark city street outside two gay venues, from then
on, I had a trans man friend of mine walk me to my car to be safe. It was a
different experience to be sure for me, but there was/is safety in numbers when
it comes to leaving your male safety privilege behind.
When it comes right down to it, your fight or flight chapter
of your gender workbook needs to be filled out quite quickly. I know several
transgender women who carry weapons in their purses for protection. Even though
I was infantry trained on weapons in the Army, I choose not to arm myself
because of the fear of shooting myself. My wife Liz and I have talked about the
possibility of buying pepper spray as a deterrent, but we just don’t really go
anywhere where we could be in danger of using it. So, we have not acted on any
moves to arm ourselves yet. Plus, Liz went through some intensive martial arts
training several years ago which she could use. There is a plan for us to use
if we have to fight in an increasingly toxic world in which I am just about
totally worthless at the age of seventy-five and with mobility issues. Ironically,
I have experienced yet another full circle moment in my life as I have gone
from a fight-first mentality, all the way to a flight first priority. I guess
it comes with the territory of being a senior citizen transgender woman.
Whatever the case is for you, please be careful in whatever
path you choose to go as a transfeminine person. Just use your new feminine
wiles to help you stay safe just knowing it is a possibly toxic world depending
upon where you live. I have an on-line acquaintance who lives in rural
Tennessee who has been slowly coming out in the recent months, and by sheer
willpower, she has chosen to stay and fight for her existence. It takes a lot
of courage to say to one of her neighbors who threatened her job by saying she
was transgender, to get over it, but she finally did. And she still kept her
job, so it is possible to fight instead of fleeing. As I said, just be careful
if you do it.
I think the worse bigots to fight are the Bible thumpers who
want to quote scripture to you. I am far from a biblical scholar and can never
remember a rebuttal to use when and if it ever happens to me. It never has because
I would have to fight not to flee the situation.
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