The Biggest Risk

 

Image from Engin Ackurt
on UnSplash. 

Recently, I had a comment from "Indigo" on a post I had just completed.

"Indigo" mentioned she was just beginning her transition and wanted to know what I thought was the most important male privilege I had lost when I crossed the gender border. My answer was, by far, the biggest privilege I lost was my personal security. In the space of one year, I needed to fend off potentially harmful attacks from men which I write about often in the hopes of protecting others searching for their transgender womanhood, or even novice cross dressers. 

The first negative learning experience I had was from a person, I will refer to as a transgender admirer at a small party I was attending with my second wife. The admirer was a much larger person than I and had literally trapped me in a narrow hallway in the house we were in. It was the first time in my life I had felt powerless to fend off another person who I thought meant me harm. Ironically, it was my wife who had to rescue me when she showed up in the nick of time. Since she did not approve of the provocative short mini-dress I was wearing that night, I had to hear way too many I told you so's on the way home. It turned out the lesson I learned was to do my best to judge the surroundings I was in before I could place myself in trouble. Not in any way shape or form what I was wearing. My wife was telling me about the right things for the wrong reasons.

The second main situation I found myself in was one night when I was walking alone between two gay bars in downtown Dayton, Ohio. Out of nowhere, I was approached by two men asking for money. I was lucky when they were satisfied with taking the last five dollars I had and let me go. From the experience, I asked for friends to accompany me when and if I ever went back there. By that time in my life, I was nearly done with gay venues anyhow, so it did not matter. 

I need to mention also, both of these learning lessons occurred years ago, and times have changed for the worse. However, the fact remains, women still have to protect themselves in the world from far too many toxic men. As another reader, told me, women are raised to be aware of situations which could be dangerous, and men are not. These days, a lot matters on where you live and how far along you are in your presentation. I am fortunate to live in a city (Cincinnati) which flies the transgender flag on the Transgender Day of Visibility and in an upscale suburb of the city which I have found to be very accepting to me. On the other hand, if I would drive ten or twenty miles to the next suburb, it is very conservative and non-accepting of transgender people. Plus, under current Ohio law, which is being challenged in the courts, I am not allowed in the women's restroom, which is a problem of course regardless of where I am. 

The best I can say is to anyone who is starting your transition, is to just be careful. You have to remember you do not carry your man cards anymore. Always, park at night in lighted lots and keep your head on a swivel. I know too, many transgender women who carry small firearms to protect themselves, but as far as I have ever gone is having Mace with me at all times. On top of all of this, under the current administration, if the wrong person senses something is wrong with your presentation, they could be emboldened enough to actually say something negative. Much worse than the old days when the worse which could probably happen was when you could get laughed at by a group of teenaged girls. 

It has always been very difficult to succeed as a transgender woman or man because to make it, often we have to be better than the next person. But once again please be aware of your own personal safety when you lose all your man cards. It is the biggest risk. For every negative, there is a positive and it is there are many supporting LGBTQ or transgender groups who will support you when you need it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel which is not the train.