Just be Yourself

 

Image from Cory
on UnSplash

When you are a transgender woman or trans man, finding yourself can be a daunting task. 

Are you a boy or a girl is bad enough when you have to think about it but is even worse when you need to live your gender desires. Just being yourself becomes extra difficult when you are applying it to real life when you leave the mirror and take on the world. We all know that sometimes the world can be a very unforgiving place. Human beings are sharks and will sniff out the slightest hint of blood in the water. A bad place to be in when you are a novice transgender woman or cross dresser who is trying to make it as your authentic self and you are very insecure. 

At this point, many trans folk resort to fairly drastic measures to attempt to present well as the gender they are attempting to be. Fashion mistakes are made, just to name a few potential problems faced. It is difficult with no previous training or input from peers to catch up with the world and not appear as a clown. I do not want to remember how many thrift store items I returned because they did not fit me or flatter my male body style. For the longest time, I did not think I was ever going to find appropriate clothes I could be myself in. Not to mention the hair and makeup I was struggling with. Somehow I managed to fight through my inner gender biases and come up with fashion choices which the public could life with. When I did, I started to explore different venues such as community festivals and outdoor concerts to see if I could be myself.

Even though I was successful, I still fought internally my desire to be feminine. It took me decades to understand I was a woman cross dressing as a man and not the opposite which caused me such inner turmoil. 

Another problem I had when I was transitioning genders was staying in the present. When I was out and about as a novice femininized person, I was so busy being worried about every little thing, I could not enjoy being me. It took me years to actually accept the gender euphoria I felt when I had succeeded in presenting as an attractive woman in public. To battle my instincts, I did events which were more lengthy so I needed to live in the present longer. An example was the Joe Cocker outdoor concert I took myself to, just to see if I could and the NFL Monday night football game a lesbian friend took me to. There were no easy escapes to these events so I had to put my fear aside and try to be myself.

I am not a quick learner and my male self battled me for control of my life for a half a century before I finally gave in to my gender truth. When I did, my inner woman took charge for good and I was finally able to be myself. I could live in the present and not wait for the next time I could run and put on my feminine clothes and feel good about myself. I was wearing the clothes all the time and if or when I felt my old gender dysphoria creep in, I could solve the issue before it became too major.

It is easy to say all of us deserve the chance to be ourselves but it is extra important for a transgender person. Because, first we need to discover who our true inner person really is. Once you do, just being yourself is a much reachable goal to have.