Major Gender Differences

 

Image from Jamie'
on UnSplash

From the outside looking in, many see transgender women and trans men merely as people who have decided to dress different.

As I was applying my estradiol patches this morning, I thought how different the entire process is when you decide to come out into the world as your authentic self, be it as a woman or a man. It is the same process as when you transition from being a cross dresser to being a full fledged transgender person. For me, finding my gender destination was a long term process. I write often concerning the years of transforming myself into the feminine person I always knew I should have been my entire life. 

What I did not understand for the longest time, I was joining a whole new culture when I transitioned. No longer could I bluster my way through a world filled with white male privilege. I needed to strike out on my own to find out what living in a woman's world was all about. I learned quickly, I knew very little about it and what I did know was usually wrong. I kept feeling stuck until I could work it all out. Was I even doing the right thing trying to cross the gender border. Plus, what was I going to do about those who did not want me crossing the border at all. Fortunately, I learned fairly quickly most of the world did not care what I wanted to do one way or another and most of the public I was interacting with were in a financial situation when I essentially was paying their salary. Either from a commission at a clothing store or from a tip in a food or bar venue. Either way, being friendly worked wonders in my transition. 

Very quickly, people began to see me as a new person. A person I wanted them to see which caused me to add major differences of changes to my life. A prime example was how was I going to suddenly attempt to talk to the world as a transgender woman. The whole communication process was similar to starting all over again when I first explored the world. At first I was petrified to talk at all until I tried to mimic the women around me. The problem was if I didn't talk, I was coming off as mean or stand-offish.  I needed to solve the problem and solve it fast if I was going to survive in the world as a transgender woman. I needed the voice to match my appearance the best I could. It was a major gender difference I always put off pursuing because I was so obsessed with my appearance. One of my favorite accessories was my sunglasses which helped me watch the public's perception of me without them seeing mine. I could better judge if my appearance was making the grade. Which I hoped was a passing score. 

Naturally, the more progress I was able to attain in the world as a trans woman, the more confidence I had to try more living. Again and again, outside of a few ill advised trips to red-neck venues, I was able to stay out of the gay bars and make my way through the world. I had fun in the lesbian and sports bars I was accepted in and was learning more and more about myself. To be sure, seeking a place in the world of women was never easy and I needed to earn it. I worked long and hard to learn from my mistakes in public and go back to the drawing board when I needed to. Finally, I reached a point where I could put the drawing board away and make it on my own.

Validation as my new feminine self then became a priority if I was going to keep living as a transgender woman. I attribute my lesbian friends with giving me the guidance I needed to succeed, They showed I did not need a man to validate me and my sexuality did not have to change to live as I was. All important lessons I needed to learn if I valued my independence in a new world. 

Learning gender differences meant so much more than looks was very inciteful to me.  All the catch phrases such as walking the walk and muscle memory come to mind when it came to my transition. I had such a long way to go to separate myself from a very convincing male life, there were many times I did not see how I could make it,

To do it, I needed to attempt to study all things feminine until I got it right and when I did keep doing it until practice made perfect. Then and only then was I able to move forward on my very long gender path.