Another Day of Errands?

Yes, very much so. Today I usually go to Liz's karate class and from there, we normally stop two or three places to shop for necessities.

This is the spot I need to mention Paula Goodwin's comment about becoming the woman I was destined to become, not who I look like. Becoming an everyday woman has become a distinct reality for me for some time now.

That is not to say, I don't have my fun getting dressed up on occasion but now it is such a small part of me. The bigger part (as we approach the Transgender Day of Visibility around here) is making sure I present femininely correctly to the civilian community. Now particularly is not the time to be a bitch un-needlessly.

How do I do this? For one I dress to blend and wear a smile as my number one accessory. My problem is it's been so long since I have encountered any problems at all, I have to work to always keep up a semblance of a guard  So, as Mtf transitions go, I am still thinking I am on the path to stealth without ever thinking about it. Then again, I think I have such a long way to go with my voice and mannerisms, there is no way I will ever be able to go totally stealth.

Plus, there is the ever present paranoia of what will happen if I ever have to go into a nursing home. A long way (I hope) from worrying what I am going to wear to the grocery store and if  I should wear my hair back or not.

Decisions...decisions.

Building Walls

It turns out, we received quite a bit of quality mail concerning our Cyrsti's Condo post about the walls we have to climb as we transition as transgender women and trans men.

The first from Marcia:

"MarciaMarch 1, 2018 at 1:42 PM

Wish I lived close to you (I don't-I live in Portland, OR). I think this is a great topic-especially the walls part. Have you considered taping your presentation and making it available via You Tube or the like?"

That is a great idea! In fact, I have been considering adding a pod cast to the blog for a long time and most certainly I think Liz could tape the workshop. Thanks!

And, a unique look from Connie:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 1, 2018 at 5:00 PM

Your mention of levels and walls reminds me of my daughter's mastery, a number of years ago, of the Mario Brothers video game. I remember so well how I spent all night trying to figure the game out before giving her the Nintendo, thinking I would certainly need to show her how to play the game Christmas morning. Of course, while it took me all night to figure how to get through the first level, she was through the third level before the day was over. I was the one who learned from her that some walls need to be jumped, some crashed through, and some climbed. Between the walls are things you must learn to avoid, as well as others you can use to your advantage to take you to the next level.

My twisted mind makes parody of things, usually through analogy and metaphor. I re-imagined the game as "Mario Sisters," with the object of the game being the transition to finally becoming the Princess, rather than saving her. Revisiting that idea, now, has me thinking that my own becoming of the princess was, at the same time, saving myself."

I love it! Thanks :)

Finally, from Paula Goodwin:
"Paula GoodwinMarch 2, 2018 at 10:18 AM

This sounds like a very interesting idea, I would certainly be interested in hearing your thoughts on Walls, so next time you are in London.......

Thinking about my own transition it has certainly gone in stages as I negotiate individual walls. I have tried to only think about the next decision ~ or to negotiate the wall in front of me. i.e. "am I trans or do I just like dressing up?" "Should I go full time?" "How do I tell people?", once all that was in the past and I was starting to live my own life I then had to work out what sort of a woman I am, more than what I want to wear! Then I would start to think about should I go on HRT; now I have to decide about GRS!

I think for many of us there is an idea that just doing that one thing will solve all our problems, whether that one thing involves surgery, drugs, or clothing; and the answer is usually that it doesn't! We do that one thing and then hit the wall, we can look forward so much to climbing over that wall, that it is all we can focus on, then when we get to the other side we find that not everything is solved, we still have issues to deal with, not all our problems are solved.

I remember seeing a video during my Disability Awareness training, "Will the real Glynn Vernon Stand up!" Glynn Vernon was at the time vice-chair of Scope he had sever Cerebral Palsy was a wheel chair user and used an interpreter to communicate. He started his video with the line
"My name's Glynn Vernon, I have two problems, not enough money and not enough sex""

I love the part about working out what "sort of woman" I am...much more than what I wear! And yes Paula, I would love to make it to London some day. Almost made it when I was in the Army, but the tour was cancelled due to an IRA bombing (dammit!)

I think I will use the "love" word once again to describe how much these comments meant to me!

Time Marches On.

As I was talking to my therapist yesterday, and brought up how quickly the Trans Ohio Symposium was approaching, I said it seems like it was only yesterday when I applied for my workshop.

She asked if Liz (my partner) was going again and I said most certainly. She even takes a couple extra days off around the week-end and makes it a mini vacation. Then she asked me what my workshop would entail.  As I have pointed out here in Cyrsti's Condo, I plan on speaking on "survivor" mechanisms for transgender women and trans men as we make our way through life. Such as cross dressing.

Oldest known picture.

I also plan to attack the "I'm more trans than you fallacy" as well as levels of transition.

Now though, after my latest support meeting, I'm thinking of adding "hitting walls" into my workshop. After, the so called self appointed "social director" of the group was not her usually "bubbly"self. Personally, I think she has hit a wall. She is just starting HRT (hormone replacement therapy) has divorced her wife and spends nearly every night out with a close knit group of trans women and/or cross dressers. As I have often said,  sooner more than later, we all find out that being transgender women is more like being cis women in the world. All the pretty clothes can't make you happy all of the time. Life goes on, and yes sometimes it does become rather mundane.

Plus, after you climb one wall, you have to rest and decide when and if you are going to climb the next one. Which invariably could lead you to genital realignment surgery, if you desire it enough. Even SRS though, seemingly hasn't satisfied some of the trans women I have known over the years.

I just may be adding "walls" to my workshop!