Naked Therapy?

 Yesterday was time for my bi-weekly appointment with my long time therapist from the Veterans Administration. 

Football is getting close! 
Go Buckeyes!!!

The session started with the usual questions. How is everything going and have I had any thoughts of harming myself. I answered truthfully. Everything is moving along fine and no I haven't had any thoughts of self harm since the last time we talked. 

Since it was a video appointment I did do my beauty routine, pulled my hair back and was ready. I chose a short sleeved tank top which happened to be a beige patterned fabric. I guess on my old lap top camera it looked as if I wasn't wearing anything at all because not too far into the session, she asked was I wearing any clothes? 

After the laughter died down, I assured her it was warm in our house but not that warm. 

We finished the session with me telling her maybe naked therapy was the wave of the future. She said I would be surprised all the things she sees since the VA started video visits.

Actually, from my experiences when I used to show up in person for my appointments, nothing would surprise me.
 

Life on the Gender Fault Line

 

When I woke up this morning and headed to the bath room, of course I had to check myself out in the mirror to see if I was still alive. 

Even after all these years, the mirror experience can never be taken for granted. On certain mornings I see too much of my male self peaking through. Then on other days, I am pleased with seeing all my hair along with my breasts, soft skin and rounder face. All of which scream feminine. 

To make a long story short, I am living on a gender fault line. Another word for the gender dysphoria which has been part of me for as long as I can remember. 

I feel the tremors. Not as bad as when I was trying to live as both genders but still noticeable. I used to have the tremors so bad I could feel an explosion coming on if I didn't cross dress into my authentic self  to relieve the pressure.

I would not wish my life on the gender fault line on anyone but then again the chance to experience both human binary genders has at times been electrifying  yet terrifying.  

A Test Post

 Sunday I wrote a post about my journey up to Dayton's (Ohio) VA Hospital for laboratory tests to check all my blood.

All I got out of it was a sore arm and nothing out of the ordinary happened except the air conditioning in the car was working so well, my temperature overall was a couple degrees below the norm. I told the technician I must be half dead. She laughed n on we went.

Lets see if this post works! 

Transgender Reintroduction

 Tommy Dorfman is reintroducing herself.

The "13 Reasons Why" star, who played Ryan Shaver in the Netflix series, revealed that she has been "privately identifying and living as a woman" in a Time interview published Thursday. 

"Today is about clarity: I am a trans woman. My pronouns are she/her. My name is Tommy," Dorfman said, adding that she has officially undergone a  medical transition as well.

Congratulations

Acceptance

 "G" sent in a follow up comment to the Changing Gender Gears post:

"There's nothing better than acceptance by cis women. I used to visit a shop in England run by two women who knew my story and were fine with it. They treated me as a woman from the get-go.. and passing through the glass wall that separates the sexes opened up the conversation to things that would never be discussed if I was a male. It was the best experience of my life. G"

Thanks for the comment! 

Definitely being accepted into the girl's sandbox can provide a wonderful education. Good and bad. I have written many times how my acceptance by several cis women helped me over the rough spots as a novice transgender woman. 

Pre Covid Picture Taken at an
Historical Reenactment 

Most importantly, I learned to communicate with other women on their level, which was a giant gender step. I can't tell you how many times I heard the infamous "welcome to our world." I never was able to explain I was always in their world but had no way to show it. 

Sure there were set backs along the way. Being stared at and ignored by some (men) and even being yelled at for using the restroom (women) nearly broke my heart on occasion. It never though, broke my will. I knew I had chosen the right path and had to stay on it. 

Finally, acceptance came my my. Some grudgingly, some not. It was so worth it when it did.

Changing Gender Gears

 Of course I am biased but I have always thought a human changing gender was one of the most difficult things to attempt. 

As far as I am concerned, as I began to become more serious about making the jump to a transgender feminine life, I began to practice feminine mannerisms when I thought others weren't watching. I would go to big box stores during their down times just to practice my walk. 

Earliest known 
Picture
Circa 2012

Make up wasn't such a problem for me as I had been applying it for literally decades before I seriously decided to transition. As I remember though, I had to remind myself to not overdo it. As I started to go out and live with women and be accepted, I had to learn to blend. 

Of course, all bets were off when I started hormone replacement therapy. Even though I started on a bare minimum dose, the changes began to be very unmistakable.  The obvious happened, I grew breasts and let my hair grow out. The surprise came when my skin softened and my face began subtle changes. All in all, I had planned a year before I had to put my male self in the closet. I ended up revising it to six months. 

As I look back to the whole experience, I was fortunate in that I found a small group of cis women to socialize with. I always say they taught me more about the feminine lifestyle than I could have ever learned on my own. But learn I did.

Putting my old guy self in the closet was one of the most satisfying things I have ever done. Overall though, changing gender gears was as terrifying as it was exciting. It was an experience I was born to do.
  

More Positive Transgender Hype!

 By now, I am sure you have heard the exciting news the cover model of this years "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue is transgender woman Leyna Bloom. 

When I first heard the news, I think it took awhile for the enormity of the cover to set in. 

Obviously, it is one thing to make it into the issue as a transgender woman at all but to make it on to the cover is wonderful. 

All of my thoughts turned to "back in the day" when I worked as a restaurant manager and had a "Sports Illustrated" subscription. all my cooks knew I was going to be receiving the swimsuit issue and were clamoring to see it ASAP. 

I can only imagine their reaction when they found out the cover model was transgender. 

Perhaps times have changed enough that it's time for a Leyna Bloom to be accepted. 

Running Around in the Bath?

Connie commented on my diet post yesterday which joked about having to run around in the shower just to get wet:

" Maybe you should run yourself a bath, instead? :-) Keep it up, girl! I've gotten down to just 5 pounds over my high school football weight of 167 (I drank so many milk shakes with raw eggs just to maintain that back then). I weigh myself once a week, mostly out of curiosity, but I've learned, as have you, that the scale is not the best way to keep track. I'm hoping to drop that 5 pounds in the next two weeks, as I am living the bachelorette life until my wife returns from her Mexican vacation (I like Mexico, but I'm not sure it would like me anymore)."

I agree about taking a Mexican vacation! My goal is to get down to my Basic Training (Army) weight of 180. But overall, I just want to try to have more energy and feel better.

Speaking or writing of a vacation, Facebook did me a favor (?) and sent me a photo of our summer trip out west to Colorado a couple years ago. On the way we stopped at an ancient train depot in Abilene, Kansas.  It was 99 degrees that day. FYI, I am a huge rail buff.

Running in the Shower?

 I used this pun on my therapist last week and I don't think she ever realized what I was trying to say. 

Old Pride Pub Crawl picture
from when I could drink.

She asked about how the new radical diet Liz and I started was going. I said so well, I had to run around in the shower to get wet.

Actually the diet is getting off to a rousing start. Or not. It's a no sugar or flour diet with tons of fruit and vegetables. Even though most of the food becomes rather boring early, I have lost some obvious weight already. One of the focuses is to not obsess on what the scale says so I have not weighed myself at all. 

Overall, writing about a diet is one of least likely topics I thought I would aver be writing about . During my life I have been relatively fortunate to be able to control my own weight. In fact, I lost nearly 40 pounds when I transitioned into a transgender world. 

This time it's different. I am doing the diet to support Liz. Her health and goals are so important to me.

Then again, what is more feminine than obsessing over a diet?