Unrealistic Expectations?

 Over the past week or so we have been featuring a few of the gorgeous transgender models who have been successes in the fashion industry.  Regarding the posts, Paula from the UK sent in this comment:

"It's great seeing these girls do so well, in an industry that is hard enough for anyone to break into. I just hope that their high profiles don't give people unreal expectations of the great majority of us ~ especially the fat old ones like me!" 

I agree with your comment and I am sure it resonates with many other transgender women. In fact, I am sure it also does with cis women too. After all, society puts too much pressure on women (transgender or not) to look a certain way. Imagine the multi billion dollar appearance industry without the pressure. 

As far as the trans fashion models go, you have to take into consideration what they had to go through to take a magical picture. Plastic surgeries, breast augmentations, plus not to mention having access to highly skilled makeup artists and photographers all add up to a real success story. As close as I have ever been able to come was a photo shoot I was invited to years ago. They were doing a presentation book on the diversity of women. Even there, I was on my own as far as makeup and hair were concerned. As far as the results went, I wasn't satisfied of course. 

Look, I know I will never be another Andreja Pejic (below), the best I will ever be able to do is try to present the best feminine presentation I can on a daily basis. I have had no surgeries including facial hair removal, so basically I am what you see is what you get. The one powerful help in my feminization process I have used is the hormone replacement therapy I have been on for years. I have felt the results have been amazing.

Even though, as I said, I agree with Paula, I am one of the old fat trans girls too!

Before we go though here is another beautiful transgender model to be envious of:

Finally Time to Vote

 Today is the all important election day, at the least, the most important one of my old life. 

I'm sure by now you all know how I was going to vote but in case you didn't...here you go!

HBO's Transhood

 

Another Top Transgender Model

 

Easily one of the most talked about models of 2019, Brazilian-born Valentina Sampaio made history as Victoria's Secret's first-ever transgender model. Victoria's Secret aside, the 23-year-old has quite the CV, having previously been a spokeswoman for L'Oréal and appeared on the covers of ELLE U.S., Vanity Fair Italia and Vogue Brasil.

Halloween

 Halloween has become sort of a bittersweet day for me. 

While I have all the pleasant (even thrilling) remembrances of Halloween's in the past, these days since I have been living all these years as a fulltime transgender woman, Halloween has become just another day. Plus, the covid virus has taken out any idea of having another annual witches ball this year, I can't even put together a costume for that. 

Over the years though, I spent weeks (or longer) stressing on what I was going to wear on the one magical night a year I could go out and be myself. Typically I started with "streetwalker" drag and quickly advanced to a "professional woman" look. I wanted secretly to be viewed as a cis woman who showed up without a costume. 

Naturally, all these efforts met with varyingly levels of success. I went from my high heels killing my feet, to being recognized by an old acquaintance because I looked like my Mom, all the way to being asked by a future Washington politician (and his date) to another Halloween party after the one we were at. 

Then there was the first date I had with Liz when we went to a major witches ball in Cincinnati when I was dressed as a wench and enjoyed all the pirates and belly dancers. 

As I seemingly close the door on Halloween this year though, I keep thinking there is always next year! 

From the UK-Talulah Eve Brown

 Several years ago, transgender model Talulah Eve Brown made LGBTQ history by becoming the first transgender woman to be named to "Britain's Top Model" contest. 

Here she is in 2018:

 As she grew up though, Talulah encountered the same problems many of us faced:

The year was 2004 and somewhere in Burton upon Trent, Staffordshire, a troubled 13-year-old was saying a special prayer — a ritual repeated every night before going to sleep.

‘I used to look at the stars every night and pray “Please God, let me not grow too tall, so one day I can be a woman”.’

Today, the beautiful 26-year-old statuesque woman with feline eyes and forever legs feels she owes the cosmos a huge thank you.

‘I stopped growing at 5 ft 8 in,’ says Talulah-Eve. ‘A perfect height!’

Here she is today with her boyfriend. From the "Daily Mail TV"

Leyna Bloom

 

From Elle Australia:

"Along with being a pioneering model, Leyna Bloom is an actress, dancer and activist for both the LGBTQI+ and black communities. Her modelling career started in 2014, and by 2017, she was one of the few openly transgender models in the industry, walking at New York Fashion Week. In the same year she also became the first openly transgender model of color to appear in editorial for Vogue India. Adding to her collection of 'firsts', in May 2019, her feature film debut in Port Authority at Cannes Film Festival marked the first time a trans woman of color held a leading role in a movie featured at a major film festival."

The Bridge

 After writing yesterdays Cyrsti's Condo post which primarily dealt with the possibility of facing negative treatment when and if you are forced to enter an assisted living facility. I received feedback

In the meantime, yesterday afternoon, I attended a virtual meeting on the subject hosted by Equality Ohio and Rainbow Elderly Alliance of Dayton, Ohio. Essentially, what I found out was I wasn't alone in thinking about building a bridge to jump off of (when considering my future). Survey's taken have revealed the same concerns from a very large percentage of transgender individuals. I liked the surveys because they were careful to separate transgender women and men from the other segments of the LGB community. It turns out, many "gender expansive" (new term) individuals had been discriminated to the extent of even being denied equal health care and power of attorney's. 

I wish I could provide you all with some sort of positive here but the only thing I can come up with is, certain groups are working to help us with education programs for assisted living facilities. The major problem is we, meaning the LGBT community, have few legal resources as far as the government goes.  In many parts of the country. Which unfortunately will not change or even get worse with the latest Supreme Court appointment.

As Michelle wrote in and said: hopefully I will never get close to the bridge to jump off of (and have to enter an assisted living facility. )

And Susan Brooks added this comment : "Like you, I am a senior in the transgender community and I am concerned that I might have to return to the closet in my later years. Now that I have entered my 70s, those later years are much closer than I would prefer. I'm fortunate to live in an open minded region of a very closed minded state. So, elections, such as the one we're enduring right now, have consequences that definitely can hit home.

As you say, don't jump off the bridge before you get to it."

Thanks for the comments. I am trying desperately to bury my bridge parts in the closet!

Back to Being Old

After the brief moments of remembering my past military experience, yesterday was also time to snap back to the present. After I went to a virtual transgender - cross dressers meeting last night, it seemed I spent the whole day on the laptop. Of course it included the time it took me to go through all my emails and the time it took to write a blog post. 

Mixed in with all of that was a LGBTQ virtual webinar on aging issues I watched late last week. I came away from it with at least the sense others shared my concerns with conditions we face as we age. Specifically in assisted care facilities and/or nursing homes. Messages came in from political figures such as Sherrod Brown (Ohio Democratic Senator) and the Mayor of Dayton, Ohio. I also learned more about a group called "Sage" which presents seminars to assisted living groups. 

I am also going to attend another seminar summit meeting today on nearly the same subjects. It's called a "Workshop for LGBT Elders and their Caregivers." Hopefully I will learn about any rights the elderly have may have. 

As I say over and over again, I am so paranoiac about having to de-transition and go back in the closet as I face getting older. I am in a different place than many transgender individuals because I have chosen not to have any surgeries at all, plus no facial hair removal. Take me off my hormones (which is also a possibility) and I am stuck dealing again with the worst aspects of my gender dysphoria.

I am fortunate though I have a strong support group around me. 

Through it all, I keep telling myself not to build a bridge to jump off of before I need to.