Nobody Made Me

I do quite a bit of skimming of my email feeds to try to seek out topics to write posts about. Naturally, sometimes I run into quite a bit of interesting material, then again on days like today, not so much.

The closest I could come was a post I read which referred to being "made" into a transgender person. The post referred to some sort of a deep dark trans force which seized us and made us the way we are. It is still difficult for many people in everyday society to understand we didn't have a choice the way our life has unfolded. Many people still don't know if we continue to live in the gender we were born in either leads to a life of misery as a best case scenario or suicide at it's worst. To be sure we did not "choose" such a life.

Years ago, after one of my all out Halloween "costume" attempts, two of my close cis women friends brought up the party and said "I made a good looking woman." For one of the few times of my life I was speechless.  Finally, I blurted out something like "a lot of good it did me."

What really happened was for a change I had aligned my inner self with how I projected my gender into society and it worked. Looking back on it years later, I wish I had thought of saying I wished I had a power to make someone.

It's also true though, I shouldn't have looked a gift horse in the mouth (or other places of it's anatomy) and just accepted the compliment. In all fairness, I still had decades of growth and learning in a feminine world to be able to know how to conduct myself. So, if I was "made" as a woman. So be it.

Unfortunately, the times I had to try to show my feminine side in public were limited to once a year at Halloween. Plus, when I started to experiment more and more in the feminine world, I was made as a man in a dress.

I do feel these days, the tide is slowly changing (even with the current administration in Washington) and transgender women and men are beginning to be viewed with some sense of normalcy.

Perhaps now people will understand we trans folks were born this way and didn't have a choice. More respect should follow.

Nikey Chawla

From India, this in an excerpt from an interview with transsexual star Nikey Chawla:

"first of all, I would like to educate others that the Trans community is vast. People in Western countries have different definitions of Transgender than people in India.

I have gone through proper medical treatment and support. All my documents have been changed and updated. I am a transsexual, a female soul who was trapped in a wrong body, but with hard work and medical help I got a SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) done. The Indian Government also supports this under Medical Term.

Nikey Chawla

I turned my weakness into my strength. People who said ‘No’ to me, who denied me work as they found me different and not acceptable by society, are now the ones who give me opportunities, love and respect. When I chose To Be ‘Me’ I got recognition. I believe be yourself with pride and the world will accept you. Yes I have many problems but someone had to take initiative. I took the initiative and became the voice and the face of transgirls openly. Now, I feel proud that in last 10 years a lot of new transgirls and transboys are showcasing their talents proudly and living the life they want. I feel proud."

For more of the interview go to the "We for News" site here.

The Binary Blues?

Recently I received a thought provoking comment concerning binary or non binary transgender women. A subject I don't think we have ever discussed in the long history of the Cyrsti's Condo blog. The question was brought up by Connie:

"I'm not so much confused about  Non-Binary individuals, or the portrayal of them, as I am feeling a little discounted for being a Binary Trans Woman. It's as though the media have highlighted enough of the transgender women , like Lavern Cox - or even Caitlyn Jenner - and now it's on to the trans du jour of non-binary. Just when I was feeling comfortable living my "authentic self," and knowing that there were enough people in the world who

Laverne Cox

had some degree of understanding and acceptance for me, the relatively new concept of "Non-Binary" changes the game. Most people still think along binary lines, and it is much easier, I think, for them to look at me and have some idea, at least, of how I may fit in. Of course, I try to leave as little ambiguity for my gender expression as possible. However, can I  expect that I won't even be mis-gendered, when there are those who are presenting and expressing one gender, while still demanding that they be referenced as another (or neither....or both)?

I don't know if I'm being pushed out of the transgender umbrella or crowded into the middle of it, these days." 

It's probably just me but I think most of the "non binary" emphasis is a more recent phenomenon brought up by the younger segment of the transgender community. It's just an easier way to say we don't fit. 

However, in my travels, I have encountered more and more individuals who didn't fit a gender binary. I find it encouraging the people I have known (even on a limited basis) have had the courage to live a life somewhere outside the lines of the traditional gender binaries. 

As for me, my authentic self is much like Connie's. I live as a binary woman. I do my best to present to the world as one and expect to be treated with respect as one. 

I also think we are not being pushed out from under the transgender umbrella, we just need a bigger umbrella.  

International Women's Day

International Women's Day was Monday March 9th. A time for transgender women to pause and reflect on where we belong in the feminine community. Of course there are plenty who think we don't belong at all.

Despite what they think, we do belong. Our journey to womanhood just took a different path than most of the cis women I know. Plus I know several females who never made it to womanhood at all. Being a woman is a social construct, not merely a physical one. 

To better commemorate Women's Day, here is a quote from Rosa Parks:

Cancellation

Recently I received this email from the people at Pennsylvania's big Keystone Gender Conference:

"It is with extreme sadness that we must cancel the 2020 Keystone Conference due to increasing concerns over the COVID-19 Corona Virus. This has been a very difficult decision to make, but is the most prudent in light of too many intangibles and the high element of uncertainty surrounding this outbreak. Our first concern is the health and well-being of Keystone’s devoted participants, dedicated staff and volunteers, and you, our most faithful attendees.

As many of you know, we draw attendees from all over the United States and internationally—a fact that we are both humbled from and very proud of. Nevertheless, this amazing and wonderful diversity of people brings with it added anxiety under the darkening shadow of this outbreak. Keystone is about coming together, celebrating our differences and embracing both old and new friends. Unfortunately, with even the most benign sneeze or innocuous cough, worry and fear will only be fueled at a stressful time like this.

This decision was made after consulting several medical professionals and thoroughly reviewing information from and recommendations by the CDC and other respected agencies"

The conference on gender diversity was to be held on March 25th-29th.

More Work Stories

In response to the Cyrsti's Condo "transphobia" work post concerning the mis-treatment of a transgender acquaintance of mine. You may recall she ran into an intensely hate filled interaction when she dropped off a couple skids of freight. She is a short haul truck driver. It turns out we have another former trucker who reads the blog and commented. Here is Michelle:

" I can emphasize with your friend who had to endue an A""hole like that. I was a long haul driver and found that I had to very careful while on the road. Not only at the delivery points but at truck stops. Several times I was glad that I always fueled up before finding a spot for the night. For the most part, I stayed away from everyone but there were several times that ugliness reared it's head when eating or trying to get a shower. It was scary to say the least."

Thanks Michelle, glad you "survived!"

The other comment comes from Connie who works in her life as a full time transgender woman:

"I have taken a temporary job with the 2020 Census, which will begin in a couple of weeks. I worked the 2000 Census, as my old male self, so I have an idea of what the work will entail. I will be interviewing people who either could not, would not, or simply did not fill out their questionnaires, as required by law. Some of these people are reluctant to talk to a "government official," even in this sanctuary city of Seattle. I imagine that some of them may be reluctant to talk to a transgender woman, as well. I am expecting to experience some negative reactions, at any rate.

I am cognizant of the fact that, no matter how nice someone else may be to me, there are those who will turn around and tell someone else about the tr..ny they just met, after I've walked away. Even years before I ever went out in public, that was the best of scenarios I could imagine for myself; the thought of someone holding such disregard or hate for me was my paranoia. Laughing at me behind my back seemed to be worse than anything someone might say to my face. I really feel much the same way now, to tell the truth, but I have learned to put the thought out of my mind. Whether to my face or behind my back, however, I have to remember that what anybody else may think about me is none of my business. To be a confident, gracious, and friendly woman is my business, though, and that's the best I can do. As we've discussed many times, being out as a trams woman is not for the faint of heart. I have chosen to push my limits, rather than to allow my paranoia to hold me back and to play it safe.

I not only work for the US Census, I count just as much as anyone else! :-)"

Connie is a great example of how you can survive as a working transgender woman! 

Personally, I am so fortunate enough that I was able to scrape by and retire on my meager Social Security plus what ever vintage items I could sell. So I never had to worry about coming out to anyone on a job. Plus, every now and then there is a great story around here in Cincinnati about companies who are LGBTQ friendly such as Kroger and Fifth Third Bank versus ones who are not such as Western and Southern Insurance. Also Procter and Gamble is friendly to us too.Maybe a little information to influence your buying habits.

And finally, there is Mandy who ran into a problem when she went to pick up a prescription:

"Been there done that...had an incident a while back at the local pharmacy.

The male clerk took exception to my women's stirrup pants and blouse outfit, and made a Big F------ Deal out of it. I handled him tactfully and appropriately, but his only problem was that both a female peer (who was offended by his rant) and his female manager heard him. He was fired shortly thereafter, and I ended up with a nice gift card from the manager. Quick Karma Indeed.

Interesting thought about "wondering if he might have a few dresses in his closet!"

I am glad your hassle was resolved and he was fired! Thanks for sharing! 

New Transgender Screen Love Interest

From the Advocate:

"Jason Segel recently confessed to Rolling Stone that Simone, his character Peter’s love interest in the new deliciously surrealist AMC series Dispatches From Elsewhere, was not originally written as a transgender character. This is, until he met captivating Hollywood newcomer, Eve Lindley.

Jason Segel and Eve Lindley

“The only other time this has happened was when Russell Brand came in to read for [Forgetting Sarah] Marshall. I’d originally written his part to be a straight-laced British author, like a Hugh Grant type. Then Russell came in, and gave me something entirely better,” Segel told RS. “I felt the same way about Eve when she auditioned — Simone was not written as a trans character. She made Simone so much richer, more complicated, gave her so much more depth. It changed the whole project. The love story that emerges between Peter and Simone is…it’s one of the things I’m most proud of with the show. And that’s all due to her. But I didn’t want to make her gender identity her defining characteristic. It isn’t that way for Peter, or Fredwyn, or Janice, so why should it be for her?”

Follow the link above for more.

Transphobia Lives On

Recently I read a story on Facebook from a person I know who is a transgender short haul truck driver. I have been fortunate enough to have been around her since her earliest struggles with coming out during the cross dresser - transgender support group meetings I have attended on and off for years now. I have seen her tentative steps out of the closet and into the world. It turns out yesterday, she had a very traumatic experience at one of her stops where she was delivering freight.  Being as family orientated as I can, the guy checking in the delivery went off on a loud tangent to other workers on how there was a tr-nny in the office who wanted to perform some sort of sex act on him.

My friend Vennessa  definitely  took it better than I could have. She calmly finished her business and left. I am fairly sure I would have asked to talk to his boss.

It's a shame transphobia still has to exist in the world today and I know I am speaking to the choir by bringing it up in the blog. Plus, it's probably true the guy in question also had a few dresses stashed away in his closet or watches gay porn.

As I go about my life in the little cocoon I have constructed, I am so fortunate to be accepted as my true self. It's rare when I go out without my partner Liz who contributes to some sort of normalcy to the general public. It's exceedingly rare when we encounter anyone who questions my genderality. Plus the groups of people we are involved with all accept me for who I am.

Even still, I am always on guard for the time again when I will encounter the hate of gender transphobia.

Phia Menard

From France:

Phia Ménard founded the Non Nova company in 1998. The name comes from two words of a Latin quote that is her motto: “We invent nothing. We just see things differently.” Her earliest works, halfway between juggling, the discipline in which she initially trained, and dance, which she gradually embraced, were immediately open to the world. But the decisive turning point came in 2008, when the piece PPP, for Position Parallèle au Plancher (“Position Parallel to the Floor”) premiered at Subsistances in Lyon. Phia Ménard called this solo, which she performed herself, her “first work about ice and identity”. Based on the transition of a natural element (ice into water), it was an artistic bombshell. 

I love the quote! "We invent nothing, we just see things differently."

Recently, Phia was at the center of a storm of controversy when her show was cancelled to make way for tRump's main Uncle Tom, Kanye West's so called prayer service.