A Whole Lot of Stress about Nothing

Well. my trip to the auto store to get the oil changed turned out to be very uneventful.  In fact the guy at the counter barely looked at me as he made small chat about the vastly newer car I brought in to replace one of our ancient ones. I thought at the time he was somehow afraid to look at me but as the afternoon progressed, no one else paid me much attention either. It was highly satisfying just to blend into society and not be outwardly read as a transgender woman.

Last night I continued my string of good luck by going to one of the socials put on by my cross dresser - transgender support group. Anymore it is fun for me to just sit back and watch some of the more flamboyant cross dressers out themselves. However, it's a very inclusive group anymore since sitting close to me were two acquaintances who are scheduled to go under the surgeons knife in the upcoming month by undergoing genital realignment surgery. Both have a lot more courage than I have! Not so long ago, we had a person close to the group pass away from complications after her surgery.

Onto another topic. This afternoon is the final appointment with my hair dresser I love so much. It seems her husband is getting another job and they are moving out of town.

I have found the older I get, change is harder to accept. Now, in the not so distant future, I will have to find another hair dresser.

All in all, if that is all I have to whine about, life is good.   

Having Fun?

Way back in the day when I first began to live a little in the public's eye as a woman, I thought it was all "kicks and giggles." After all, what could ever be so bad about getting dressed up and going shopping or eventually even out to eat.

As I slowly advanced my cross dressing bucket list, I started to consider doing things which weren't so appealing. Since that time, I have done many different activities which revolved around very male domains. Over the years I have been stared at in auto parts stores and even visited a self serve auto junk yard once.

Today I get to go and get the oil changed in the car which I am not really looking forward to.

Sometimes though, I look at it all as a rite of passage into the feminine world as a transgender woman. As much as going through a mammogram.

On the positive side, watching some guy change the oil in the car is a lot less painful than having a big machine squeeze your breasts.

TDOR Revisited

As predicted, last night's Transgender Day of Remembrance here in Cincinnati was a somber quality event. The speakers did a very good job of relating their personal trans experiences growing up. All five speakers were of color which represented the great majority of slain transgender people so far in 2019.

Over 200 people attended.

The goal for next year of course is not to have to have a TDOR at all. Maybe all these senseless crimes against our community will end.

TDOR

Wednesday (today) is a sad day. November 20th is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. The day we pause and remember all the tragic deaths around the world

Sadly, so far in 2019 we have lost an estimated 22 transgender or gender non conforming people due to violent measures. Most of which, are trans women of color. It's important to note, these are the reported deaths.

I am fortunate enough to be on the planning committee for the local Cincinnati, Ohio solemn get together/vigil.

I am proud to say it is going to be a quality event.

For a complete list of transgender individuals slain this year, go here to "HRC's" site.

Maxine Heron

Transgender model Maxine Heron:

Does a Dress Change a Man?

It seems like everytime I turn around I run into another rump supporting old cross dresser on Facebook. The ones who always are so into showing only leg and crotch shots on their profile pictures. 

I guess I shouldn't get so upset. Not to aggravate any cross dresser more than I have already done, really you don't have a dog in the transgender discrimination race. After all, you have a vested interest in keeping your white male privilege alive as long as you can. Ignoring completely the future problems of transgender citizens under a thoroughly negative administration in Washington.

Perhaps too, I should look at it the same way a dear transgender man friend puts it: He says they are wearing their wigs too tight which is cutting off the circulation to their brains. 

It proves once again you can put an old white man in a dress but you can't make him think like a woman or care about the LGBTQ community.

Enough of my rant.

Cyrsti's Condo Thought of the Day

The Future

Since we have been focusing on the past here in Cyrsti's Condo, now lets take a look at something which may benefit you in the future:

"Don't believe in luck. Believe in destiny. Put yourself in the best place for it to find you!"

Jessie Hart

Trans of a Certain Age

If you have been following the three part series about my life lived mostly in the gender closet, perhaps you saw a glimpse of your life too.

Connie did, and here is her comment. *Please note we share several similar experiences because of our age.

"For those of us trans women of a certain age, there was no way to know anything, other than some confused notion that being a boy for us seemed to be different than it was for the other boys. Whatever might have been drawing us toward being the other gender (there were only two back then, you know), did not seem to be enough for us to be like the girls, either. Not only was the knowledge and language yet to be formulated by the professionals, let alone society in general, our young minds had no means with which to express ourselves, either.

I must have been about three when I felt the need to express my feminine side. While my mother was busy doing something in the living room, I went into her bedroom and climbed onto the bench in front of her Art Deco vanity. The low counter top and mirror were easily accessible for even a child of my size, and, after clipping on a pair of shiny earrings and applying a not-inside-the-lines coat of lipstick, I remember admiring myself in the mirror. I was so happy with myself that I just had to share it with my mom. I can still taste the soap and feel the harshness of the washcloth on my face as she admonished me for doing something boys just are not to do.

Knowing there is something different about oneself certainly is not a choice. Being ashamed of being different could be a choice, but, like with many things in childhood, the choice is often made by adults who place it upon the child. For decades thereafter, any conscious effort I made to express my feminine-self was a choice to do the wrong thing - or so I was made to think of it. It was also a choice I made to suppress my feminine-self for many years, and another choice to finally"give in" to it again. It wasn't until I had the revelation that my choices were all about what I was doing, and not who I was, that I found a peace within myself. I then made one more choice, that being to transition, because I really had no choice at that point.

I now turn around that question of when I knew, when asked by a cis person. Their answer is always that they always did, or that they never even had to think about it. Then I tell them that I was always who I was, as well, but I was so painfully aware and have had to think about it almost every day of my life. I'm still waiting for that day when I don't think about my gender identity, but it's so much easier to think about it, even dismiss it most times when I do, because I made that choice to accept myself as the woman I was born to be (and to live it, as well)."

Thanks Connie for yet another thoughtful heart-felt comment!