Building a Monument

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have discussed going to the grocery store. I admit, as cross dresser stories go, I am more than a little boring once I entered my full time transgender phase of living feminine full time. I can't remember the time I went to run errands in anything else than my usual leggings or jeans.

One of the fun things about being feminine is, you are not tied into one style or another. As Connie points out:

"While you are bracing yourself for a snow storm, I am lucky enough to have some actual sunshine and moderate temperatures in the forecast here in Seattle - No rain until the middle of next week! It prompted me, yesterday, to take a look in my closet at those items I rarely wear. I played "dress-up" for a while before deciding to wear a black jean pencil skirt that is different in that it is very high-waisted, hemmed below the knee, but with a slit in the front that extends modestly up the thigh. I wore black tights underneath (in keeping with the season), and a sort-of cropped jacket over a cami on the top. What shoes to wear was a problem because of the different lengths I was wearing, and I decided that heels would be best. I dug out a pair of some old standbys that I hadn't worn in years, but still love despite the fact that they are 5" platform wedges that a woman of my age might shy away from. Still, they are very nice leather Steve Madden's, and I can walk just fine in them (especially having to take the shorter strides necessary while wearing a pencil skirt.

OK, I'll admit that this outfit might have been something from my cross dressing wardrobe of old, but I felt quite confident in my presentation as the woman I am. The 5" heels put me at six-feet, two-inches, but my overall look was proportional, and I don't really feel self-conscious about my height anymore.

Needing to do a little grocery shopping, I thought about ending my dress-up fun, and to change into my regular jeans-look. Seeing the sun shining outside my window, though, I was reminded what had prompted me to choose the outfit in the first place. So, off I went to the grocery store.

As I entered the store, I noticed that I had caught the eye of a middle-age man at the far end of the checkout stands. As I walked toward the shopping carts, he left his wife at the stand to walk toward me. There was a seasonal display to my right (Valentine's Day already?!?), which I diverted my attention toward, so as not to have to confront this man. He stopped, though, right in front of the carts, so I was forced to face him after a few awkward seconds. He looked me straight in the eye, and in a slow and deliberate manner said, "M'am-You-are-(uh-oh, I thought; here it comes)-a-very---MONUMENTAL WOMAN." Since I'd never heard that one before, I was a bit taken aback, and I'm sure that my cheeks turned a color far beyond pastel. "Monumental, well thank you (I think)," I sheepishly answered. As he walked away toward the door, his wife was passing me with her groceries. She was much shorter than her six-foot husband, and so even much more short than I, and she looked up at me with the biggest smile on her face, telling me to have a wonderful day.

I'm still not sure what the man meant by "monumental," but it was followed by "woman," and that's good enough for me! At any rate, I've decided that the weather should not have to dictate what I wear, necessarily, and that it feels good to climb out of the rut once in a while. Changing up our wardrobe choices is one of the privileges we women have; something we may often forget in our day-to-day lives. We do have the power to brighten our own day!"

I have never heard that one either! But, since I can't wear heels, I am pretty much stuck at my given height of 5'11 inches. I normally see several women as tall as I am, just not as thick in the torso of course. 

Busy Week

As luck would have it, or as "Momma Nature" will allow, it's going to be a busy week coming up.

Beginning today (Sunday) Liz and I are going to a group meeting concerning this year's Witches Ball. It should be interesting since the woman who basically has been running the show, has been making a power grab to do more. Essentially taking the lead organization out of it. It should be fun! Sometimes I love a good confrontation :).

Monday and Tuesday, I have cross dresser-transgender support group meetings. Normally, I run into some interesting people at one or the other of the meetings. Ironically, I have been meeting more and more trans men at these events.

Wednesday, it's ride along day with Liz as she goes to one of her medical appointments.

Friday, it's time for my much awaited appointment to my hair stylist. I am still (and will) be debating on whether to re-color my hair yet. Most of the decision will have to do with Liz deciding if she wants to give up her coloring appointment and giving it to me. It's more or less a double appointment time wise for a coloring.

Finally, Saturday we are invited to a dinner at the Italian venue we have been going through. It will be weather permitting again though since we are expecting another major weather system next weekend.

I love a busy week!

Winter Pastels?

Since the burst of holiday color has faded now and the drab grays of winter have set in in my part of the world, I am always looking for a brighter color or two in my wardrobe. Of course a sweater is the best way to go. It provides warmth and color at the same time.

This morning, as I was listening to the weather forecast calling for the first sizable snow of the winter, I found this sweater on "Fabulous After 40" which brightened my day. You can see several more by following the link.

I hope they brighten your day too!

Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

I found this on Twitter and thought I would send it along to all of you.

Break out of your closet in 2019!

Passing Thoughts?

Actually I like the word "presenting" better than "passing" when it comes to describing one's feminine appearance.

Also, the term is way over used anyhow but is it a natural phenomena or not? After all, the world operates to a large extent on appearance. I remember going to a very small rural school growing up with basically the same kids all the way from first to ninth grade. The most attractive kids basically formed a clique which lasted all the way.

Unfortunately, we transgender women still have a tendency to over rate ourselves when it comes to appearance. Instead we need to rely on our inner confidence to show the world who we really are. Always remember, the majority of cis women in the world don't have the benefit of being physically beautiful either but do the best they can with what they inherited.

Equally as bad is when we all get set up for failure by the cross dressers and/or novice trans women who often think dressing trashy is sexy and never present well.

The bottom line though is well represented by the quote above.  Thanks to Jill for sending it along! 

Acceptance?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo recently I have been discussing the cis-woman who can't seem to leave me alone and while she is doing it, has been leaving me snarky comments about my hair,

Most certainly, we all experience different levels of acceptance from cis-women. After all, we have taken the time and effort to enter their world.

As I so often do, I will let you read Connie's opinion on the whole situation:

Connie

"As much as we'd like to be considered part of the club, the amount of acceptance by other women will always vary. Beyond that, their motives are not necessarily the same, either. Some women may be accepting because it's the PC thing to do. Others, seeing a trans woman, seem to want to change us (possibly, just as they want to change a man). Whereas these "changers" would not think of doing so with another cis woman, a trans woman could be seen as needing some help - and these women believe that they are the ones who can give it. Some do so with some tact, while others are just plain blunt. Then, there are some women who are more subversive and catty in letting one know what they think about her appearance (these women probably don't care if you're trans or not; they are just bitches).

I think that I stopped socializing with the oft-mentioned local cross dresser group, mostly because of their requirement that we all be totally accepting of each other. Nobody would dare suggest to someone that they do something that might improve their presentation. When the officers of the club voted to ban one of the members from joining the others when in public, though, I stopped showing up, myself. I could have been the next one out for being a bitch about it, but I thought it best to just bite my tongue. Soon thereafter, another group of cis women with whom I was associated ousted a member because she had raised objections for my inclusion. I was told that the woman was jealous of me, and she did not like being shown up by my presentation. 

All in all, I would rather suffer the scrutiny of cis women than the condescension of the trans group. Whether or not things are said to my face, though, I know that there are always things said behind my back. How do I know? Because I've heard things about others when they're not around. Welcome to the club!"

As I have often written about, one of my first rude awakenings to dealing with other women, was discovering how complex the layers are within the feminine experience. I learned relatively quickly to look for and/or expect a knife in the back from certain cis-women. 

Acceptance was not always as easy as it seemed. 

Surprise!

The other day I inadvertently stumbled upon a cross dresser in Liz's martial arts group. It all happened on Facebook when he showed up in a post about how to go to one of the cross dresser - transgender socials...In male mode. Plus, if you are familiar, he kept showing up in my friends suggestions.

I was surprised since I don't remember seeing him at any of the support meetings. or socials.

I give him all the credit in the world for being able to come out and be who he is!

Liz actually took the time to talk to him. She asked who he knew in the group but he sidestepped the question and wouldn't say. Liz did say he didn't seen overly embarrassed by the questions.

Concerning me, he has never (to my knowledge) even side glanced at me.

Maybe he will now.

The Aftermath

Sunday, I did see the woman I have referred to as the "Prodder" or even "Mom" in recent posts. Predictably, after saying hello, she said I was a good looking "chick" BUT what was I going to do about my hair? I politely explained again, I would know more in a couple weeks when I go to the salon. Then I quickly moved across the room.

The salon appointment will be interesting because Liz has time booked to get her hair colored which she may not want to do now. So, I could move in and take the coloring appointment. The only problem is, I don't know what color I'm leaning towards. On the other hand, I will have the two women I respect the most (appearance wise) on hand to give me advice. If I can do it, or should according to my "advisers" I think I want to stay on the lighter side for a change with my hair.

Yesterday was my therapist appointment, anymore she just seems to zone out when she sees me and I don't really have any serious issues to discuss. We just talked about how much fun New Years Eve was and how much fun it wasn't interacting with the "Prodder".  She did bring up a good point saying sometimes it's just a difficult learning process how women treat each other.

In fact, I have a couple of comments to pass along on the subject:

1. 
   "FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 6, 2019 at 2:45 PM

   "It always breaks down to mother issues, it seems. Knowing that, you have saved a lot of money for Psychoanalyst's bills! :-)
   
   Don't be shy about telling her you do not like being touched, if she should try it again. Otherwise, you will have to be on a literal retreat."
2. 
   Paula GoodwinJanuary 7, 2019 at 9:23 AM

   "I'm still coming to terms with how differently women relate to each other compared to men. I can find it most confusing when some of the people I am interacting with look like women, but behave like men."
3. Fortunately, my therapy bills are free through the Veteran's Administration! Also, I have a tendency to forget how true it is gender stereotypes are on a spectrum too. Cis women have a tendency to get more aggressive in their later ages as their estrogen decreases and testosterone has more of an impact on them. 
4. Thanks for the comments!

What's Coming Up?

Following the somewhat frenetic holiday period, things are settling down around here.

Tomorrow though, Liz and I are spending  Sunday with our social group participating in what amounts to a spiritual retreat of sorts. I was looking forward to it totally until I found out my former nemesis was going to be there. You may recall the one I referred to as the "Prodder", she wouldn't stay out of my space.

After I began to think about her, I felt I shouldn't be so negative, she reminds me quite a bit of my Mother. FYI, my Mom passed away years ago and was not supportive of my transgender self. So I never had any inkling at all at how a real "mother/daughter" relationship would be. I was never one of the fortunate ones whose Mom's somewhat supported my feminine side.

In fact, the more I think about it, our interaction about my hair (for example) would be exactly what my Mom would say. If you recall, I am letting my hair return to it's natural shade, before we decide to color it again. The "Prodder" pulled no punches as she attacked my soft gray roots, as opposed to silver gray hair which I am against having too. In a couple more months, I will have the chance to choose any color from a soft brown to a blond. It will be worth the wait.

As far as "Mom" went, the last time she saw me my final vestiges of red hair were fading, Plus, I was stepping out of a 35 mile per hour wind/ rainstorm and admittedly my hair didn't look it's best. You can bet tomorrow, I will not forget to bring along a spare brush to "tidy up" my hair before I face her. No pun intended.  Although, she will just have to get over my "roots!"

As far as her continual touching goes, I am going to try to separate myself from her as much as possible. 

I wonder if she would mind if I called her Mom?