Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

I found this on Twitter and thought I would send it along to all of you.

Break out of your closet in 2019!

Passing Thoughts?

Actually I like the word "presenting" better than "passing" when it comes to describing one's feminine appearance.

Also, the term is way over used anyhow but is it a natural phenomena or not? After all, the world operates to a large extent on appearance. I remember going to a very small rural school growing up with basically the same kids all the way from first to ninth grade. The most attractive kids basically formed a clique which lasted all the way.

Unfortunately, we transgender women still have a tendency to over rate ourselves when it comes to appearance. Instead we need to rely on our inner confidence to show the world who we really are. Always remember, the majority of cis women in the world don't have the benefit of being physically beautiful either but do the best they can with what they inherited.

Equally as bad is when we all get set up for failure by the cross dressers and/or novice trans women who often think dressing trashy is sexy and never present well.

The bottom line though is well represented by the quote above.  Thanks to Jill for sending it along! 

Acceptance?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo recently I have been discussing the cis-woman who can't seem to leave me alone and while she is doing it, has been leaving me snarky comments about my hair,

Most certainly, we all experience different levels of acceptance from cis-women. After all, we have taken the time and effort to enter their world.

As I so often do, I will let you read Connie's opinion on the whole situation:

Connie

"As much as we'd like to be considered part of the club, the amount of acceptance by other women will always vary. Beyond that, their motives are not necessarily the same, either. Some women may be accepting because it's the PC thing to do. Others, seeing a trans woman, seem to want to change us (possibly, just as they want to change a man). Whereas these "changers" would not think of doing so with another cis woman, a trans woman could be seen as needing some help - and these women believe that they are the ones who can give it. Some do so with some tact, while others are just plain blunt. Then, there are some women who are more subversive and catty in letting one know what they think about her appearance (these women probably don't care if you're trans or not; they are just bitches).

I think that I stopped socializing with the oft-mentioned local cross dresser group, mostly because of their requirement that we all be totally accepting of each other. Nobody would dare suggest to someone that they do something that might improve their presentation. When the officers of the club voted to ban one of the members from joining the others when in public, though, I stopped showing up, myself. I could have been the next one out for being a bitch about it, but I thought it best to just bite my tongue. Soon thereafter, another group of cis women with whom I was associated ousted a member because she had raised objections for my inclusion. I was told that the woman was jealous of me, and she did not like being shown up by my presentation. 

All in all, I would rather suffer the scrutiny of cis women than the condescension of the trans group. Whether or not things are said to my face, though, I know that there are always things said behind my back. How do I know? Because I've heard things about others when they're not around. Welcome to the club!"

As I have often written about, one of my first rude awakenings to dealing with other women, was discovering how complex the layers are within the feminine experience. I learned relatively quickly to look for and/or expect a knife in the back from certain cis-women. 

Acceptance was not always as easy as it seemed. 

Surprise!

The other day I inadvertently stumbled upon a cross dresser in Liz's martial arts group. It all happened on Facebook when he showed up in a post about how to go to one of the cross dresser - transgender socials...In male mode. Plus, if you are familiar, he kept showing up in my friends suggestions.

I was surprised since I don't remember seeing him at any of the support meetings. or socials.

I give him all the credit in the world for being able to come out and be who he is!

Liz actually took the time to talk to him. She asked who he knew in the group but he sidestepped the question and wouldn't say. Liz did say he didn't seen overly embarrassed by the questions.

Concerning me, he has never (to my knowledge) even side glanced at me.

Maybe he will now.

The Aftermath

Sunday, I did see the woman I have referred to as the "Prodder" or even "Mom" in recent posts. Predictably, after saying hello, she said I was a good looking "chick" BUT what was I going to do about my hair? I politely explained again, I would know more in a couple weeks when I go to the salon. Then I quickly moved across the room.

The salon appointment will be interesting because Liz has time booked to get her hair colored which she may not want to do now. So, I could move in and take the coloring appointment. The only problem is, I don't know what color I'm leaning towards. On the other hand, I will have the two women I respect the most (appearance wise) on hand to give me advice. If I can do it, or should according to my "advisers" I think I want to stay on the lighter side for a change with my hair.

Yesterday was my therapist appointment, anymore she just seems to zone out when she sees me and I don't really have any serious issues to discuss. We just talked about how much fun New Years Eve was and how much fun it wasn't interacting with the "Prodder".  She did bring up a good point saying sometimes it's just a difficult learning process how women treat each other.

In fact, I have a couple of comments to pass along on the subject:

1. 
   "FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 6, 2019 at 2:45 PM

   "It always breaks down to mother issues, it seems. Knowing that, you have saved a lot of money for Psychoanalyst's bills! :-)
   
   Don't be shy about telling her you do not like being touched, if she should try it again. Otherwise, you will have to be on a literal retreat."
2. 
   Paula GoodwinJanuary 7, 2019 at 9:23 AM

   "I'm still coming to terms with how differently women relate to each other compared to men. I can find it most confusing when some of the people I am interacting with look like women, but behave like men."
3. Fortunately, my therapy bills are free through the Veteran's Administration! Also, I have a tendency to forget how true it is gender stereotypes are on a spectrum too. Cis women have a tendency to get more aggressive in their later ages as their estrogen decreases and testosterone has more of an impact on them. 
4. Thanks for the comments!

What's Coming Up?

Following the somewhat frenetic holiday period, things are settling down around here.

Tomorrow though, Liz and I are spending  Sunday with our social group participating in what amounts to a spiritual retreat of sorts. I was looking forward to it totally until I found out my former nemesis was going to be there. You may recall the one I referred to as the "Prodder", she wouldn't stay out of my space.

After I began to think about her, I felt I shouldn't be so negative, she reminds me quite a bit of my Mother. FYI, my Mom passed away years ago and was not supportive of my transgender self. So I never had any inkling at all at how a real "mother/daughter" relationship would be. I was never one of the fortunate ones whose Mom's somewhat supported my feminine side.

In fact, the more I think about it, our interaction about my hair (for example) would be exactly what my Mom would say. If you recall, I am letting my hair return to it's natural shade, before we decide to color it again. The "Prodder" pulled no punches as she attacked my soft gray roots, as opposed to silver gray hair which I am against having too. In a couple more months, I will have the chance to choose any color from a soft brown to a blond. It will be worth the wait.

As far as "Mom" went, the last time she saw me my final vestiges of red hair were fading, Plus, I was stepping out of a 35 mile per hour wind/ rainstorm and admittedly my hair didn't look it's best. You can bet tomorrow, I will not forget to bring along a spare brush to "tidy up" my hair before I face her. No pun intended.  Although, she will just have to get over my "roots!"

As far as her continual touching goes, I am going to try to separate myself from her as much as possible. 

I wonder if she would mind if I called her Mom?

Stepping Up Your Game

Referring back to a couple of recent Cyrsti's Condo posts, we have discussed in part, the need to "step up your game" in public.

I have always been a proponent of the idea women primarily dress for other women and men are brought along just for the ride. The exceptions of course are special romantic dates, etc.

That is why you see so many women who seemingly don't care about their appearance when placed upon the heightened levels of cross dressers and/or some transgender women.  Two factors (at least) come into play as I see it...time and finances. Very few of us can spend the extra hour it takes to reach a "swank or glam" level to go to the grocery store. Or have the finances to always have the newest and prettiest fashion. Then again, there are women like my daughter who are so busy with her three kids and a job, she is normally very casual in her dress.

When I am going out to a special venue with Liz, I do my best to step up my game and keep up with the "Josie's ".

Then there is the other end of the spectrum...the women of Walmart. For me, it's hard to dress down to their level. I just can't justify shopping in my pajama bottoms and an old sweat shirt of some sort.

Finally...there is this:

No, I did not get this from Connie...it came from Jackie!

The Morning After

Perhaps you caught the Cyrsti's Condo post concerning the New Years Day phone conversation with Connie. Perhaps you didn't catch her return comments. Including the question about what I was wearing: 

Connie Malone

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 2, 2019 at 1:25 PM

"I was joking, of course, when I asked what you were wearing. Hell, I told you that I had awakened on the chair I had plopped into when I got home the night before - still all swanked out from New Year's Eve. Although I did change clothes in order to make a quick grocery run for eggs and milk, I never completely removed the makeup I had applied for the big night (I did have to "rearrange" it, though, as I looked like a raccoon). Actually, since I had gone for the glam look in the first place, what was left after the morning cleanup was about what I normally wear. Anyway, there was a time, many years ago, when I would have had to put on the glam look just to go to the grocery store.

There are two major trans groups here; one for cross dressers that is mainly social, and another that is more for support. My understanding is that the two groups were, years ago, in alliance much more than they have been for the years since I came out. Having attended various meetings and functions put on by both groups, I have seen the general differences: cross dressers dressed to the nines, while those in transition wear the basic jeans and T-shirt. Neither group understands why the other present themselves the way they do. What I find interesting is that I hear the same question from both sides: What are they trying to prove? What makes it funny to me is that, while both sides ask the question, neither believes that they, themselves, are out to prove anything. From my point of view, they are, however.

Both sides are saying, "Look at me," in their respective presentations. While one is seeking acceptance for the ability to outwardly feminize, the other is wanting to be recognized for the ability to be feminine without the frills. I may be generalizing here, but there are extremes that people hold to; whether it be trans issues, politics, sports, or anything else.

So, I started the new year with a left-over modified glam look, jeans and a purple sweater (The U-Dub's color). I doubt that I impressed anyone at the grocery store with the way I looked, and my sweater had no influence on the outcome of the Rose Bowl. But, I wasn't trying to prove anything, anyway."

As you can see, Connie was kind enough to add a picture I could use so you could see where all the thoughtful comments come from. 

A New Year and a New You?

As the reality of a new year settles in, it's time to step back and take a look at steps forward and steps back we have taken in 2018.

One of the nice things I get out of the cross dresser - transgender support group meetings I go to is seeing the members who are just starting out. It takes me back to the days when I was doing the exact same thing. Sometimes though, I marvel at how some of them want to go too fast.

For me at least, learning the ropes of being feminine was very difficult and I am sure some say, I still have a ways to go. I am fairly sure I will always carry a bit of living for 60 years primarily as a guy will linger with me. Perhaps it's a good thing, if I can still appreciate evenings such as New Years Eve as much as I did.

If I could go back to the beginning, I would tell myself to relax and enjoy the journey.

By now, you maybe asking what does that have to do with the New Year?  For me, everything. I look forward to meeting my 70th year head on with a new renewal. I plan on renewing my spirituality, becoming a better person and enjoying the smaller things in life.

To a lesser degree, I plan on taking another look at my wardrobe and refining it to the best of my ability in the coming year. Plus, like so many others, I need to watch my weight (not go up) after the holidays. If you are thinking about your wardrobe too, here is a helpful link you can go to from the Fabulous After 40 blog about age appropriate dressing.

So, the more I think about it, the more the upcoming year is shaping up to be a self improvement year!