Another Night Out

Last night turned out to be a fairly uneventful evening. The group was a little different with two confirmed cross dressers, a gay couple and Liz and I. It seemed, I was the token "bitchy"transgender woman.

The gossip last night revolved mostly around people I didn't even know, so I wished they were there to defend themselves. One, I think, was a dating interest of one of the cross dressers who prides himself on the number of cis girls who supposedly want to date him. (As you noticed, I do use the "he" pronoun with him.) If you knew him, you would agree.

Overall, yesterday was a very busy day. I started by joining Liz for her karate class, then spent an hour and a half of my life I will never get back waiting to get a new cell phone to replace the ancient one I had. From there we made another stop before going shopping for a dress to wear during dinner. Fortunately, I found another very sharp green patterned maxi dress which offset my still reddish hair. Plus, while I was there, I found a couple of "softies" night shirts.

Finally, we went on attack mode and took on the grocery store.

Throughout the day, no one mis-gendered me and it was great to just be myself.

You Can Call Me...

Following a post essentially about labels and the trans girl....Connie sent in this comment:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 26, 2018 at 2:42 PM

"Since my early days of suffering from gender dysphoria, I have never heard a word that could describe who I am. What I apparently WAS, though, before the term "transgender" had ever been coined, was a transvestite. Still, I could not accept that term as one that defined who I was. I feel the same way about how the term "transgender" does not describe well enough who I am now. If others need the term to have something with which to define me, so be it; I do not use it for myself. Now that just "trans" seems to be the more popular word, I prefer to say that, for me, it is short for "transcend", as I feel I have done more than simply crossed a gender line.

I like the other joke: The difference between a trans woman and a cross dresser is that a cross dresser can't wait to get home to put her bra on, and a trans woman can't wait to get home so she can take her bra off. If only it were so simple, however. There is also a difference between a cross dresser and cross dressing, even if that is what a cross dresser does. When one determines that she will, henceforth, live the rest of her life as a woman, I don't think she cross dresses at all. I was never a cross dresser, but I cross dressed for many years as a means of survival until I could transcend. Transcending coincided with transition, but the first is the spiritual part, while the latter is more physical in nature.

Whatever "trans" word one wants to use, we all have the same seed that prompts us to want to express our feminine side. In that sense, "transgender" could be as good an umbrella term as any. We're not all the same, in gender or otherwise. I have long since given up wondering if I should be the one holding the umbrella or just be one out on the fringe with one foot in and one out. There was a time, for a short while, when I was happy to have the protection of that umbrella, and it was instrumental in getting me out of the closet. It wasn't long, though, before I realized that just expressing my feminine side on Thursday nights was exactly seven days and six nights short of what I needed.

Another thing I have had to endure in my life is whether I am a real musician or not. I am a drummer, even considered to be a percussionist by some, but have been told that drummers are not real musicians (How do you know the drummer is knocking at the door? Pizza is being delivered). I sing, as well, which can be just a problematic. My point is that, with many things in life, there will always be some people who will try to diminish others in order to bolster their own egos. But let's not let that get us into presidential politics now...... :-)"

Yes! No politics Lol! Thanks :)

Upcoming Events

Once again, our Saturday social calendar filled out for this weekend.

Unexpectedly last night, Liz got a text from her new BFF inviting us again to an upscale Italian venue for dinner. It means we must have passed the stringent requirements after the first one. You may remember, it was the evening I wore my maxi dress for the first time.

Actually, I find the whole adventure relatively strangely entertianing  due to the other participants. You may also remember the organizer is the one who said all transgender women on HRT are bitches. If she only knew how much fun we had with that one!

Also, as August comes closer and closer, it is turning out to be a busy month for us. I have my vocal/speech appointment coming up August 6th and four more scheduled visits for other reasons during the month.

Week one is my second hair appointment and week four, we are headed back to Columbus, Ohio for another mini vacation.

Add in a couple more "tag a longs" with Liz and our Friday night karaoke party and August should be quite the month.

You Talking to Me?

Monday night, at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I go to, one of the co-moderators climbed her high horse and said something I hadn't heard since a transvestite mixer I went to in the mid 1980's.

She puffed up like a rooster and said, "Why should I wear pants, I had to wear them my entire life." "I never wear them." Fortunately I didn't have to open my mouth because another "jeans wearer" was sitting almost next to her and let her have it.

Plus, if you didn't know it, nearly 80 percent of the time, I don't wear dresses. I call it my lesbian upbringing. But, I regress:

In no uncertain terms jeans woman reminded the moderator, these days (if she noticed) almost all women wear some sort of pants and/or leggings. And, then added the clincher, if the moderator wanted to blend better or even look better, she may want to consider adding some sort of pants/slacks to her wardrobe.

Similar to a summer thunderstorm, the disturbance came and went without further comment.

There is nothing wrong with always wearing dresses...or pants. Just be a woman and enjoy the fact you can. Then, do your best to stay out of someone else's business.

A New Friend?

Yesterday, I tagged along to one of my partner Liz's therapy sessions and was sitting there casually fooling with my phone, when a younger (twenty something) girl sat down close to me.

She was very friendly and almost immediately started a conversation the tried and true feminine way, she complemented me on my hair color. I told her thanks and it was in transition back to my original color.

She was wearing some sort of a blue/green lipstick and light green feather earrings...both of which I complemented her on.

After our brief enjoyable conversation, I asked if she was there to see the same therapist as Liz and she said yes. So when Liz came out I learned her name (Alex) and prompted introductions all around.

Hopefully, I will get to see her again and no, nothing was ever said about me being transgender.

Is Transgender an Umbrella Term?

At Monday nights' cross dresser - transgender meeting, an interesting topic was brought up...is a cross dresser in reality no different than a transgender woman. Or, as the old joke goes, what's the difference between a cross dresser and trans woman ? Normally, about two to three years.

The point at the meeting was a good one. If you are dressing as the opposite gender, aren't you crossing gender lines and being transgender anyhow?

As I see it, the difference for a transgender woman is how she thinks. A cross dresser is likely to be more gender fluid and still enjoy her time being a guy. A transgender brain tells the person it's a "no brainer" (no pun intended). The trans person suffers a constant conflict between what their senses are telling them versus the body they were born with.

Thus, I still use the term transsexual to describe most of the people who are able to go the distance and get a sex realignment surgery. From the beginning, these trans people just know to feel complete, they just need the surgery.

Then there are transgender women such as me, who go against many lines of thought and see no need for surgery. If I was much younger though, I am the first to admit, my thinking could be different.

So, I have no problem with combining the cross dressers with the trans group and then leaving them out at surgery time.

He's Such a Girl

Everyone once in a while, my partner's twenty year old son does something to cause both of us (or at least me) to think, he is such a girl. Of course, I may be just thinking out of jealousy, when he gets part of his hair dyed blue, or something else.

At his age I was never able to think much about acting girlish. I was too busy getting ready for three years serving Uncle Sam. Looking ahead to basic training takes most girly thoughts right out of your head. Or at least, it did for me.

Ironically though, I can't remember thinking three years of intense testosterone training would solve any of my gender malfunctions, commonly known as gender dysphoria. I know many transgender women join the military hoping to do just that.

When I go to any of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings, one of my favorite things to do to keep me remotely engaged, is to imagine what other attendees were like before their transition. I usually do it for everyone, especially if they are a novice cross dresser. Many, I wish I had their body style because they are naturals!

Very simply put...he is such a girl!

HRT

First of all, "HRT" refers to hormone replacement therapy or the taking of hormones of the opposite birth gender, while taking another med to decrease your existing gender hormones.

If it sounds complicated, some time it is and sometimes it isn't, depending many times on your age and health. For example, taking extra estrogen (or a synthetic replacement) has been linked to extra blood clots and other health problems.

So, HRT is not for everyone and should always be administered under the guidance of a physician.

My reason for outlining all of this comes from a comment from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJuly 23, 2018 at 5:51 PM

"I'm always so happy when one of my comments elicits a meaningful response (less often, my meaningful comments cause illicit responses). I'm sure that my proverbial check is in the proverbial mail - and lost, once again. :-)

If I may respond to Melissa's comment, I want her to know that I have not undergone hormone therapy because Of a medical condition (blood clots), so I talk of HRT mainly through my observations of other trans women. I have come to the conclusion that HRT is powerful fuel for one who is ready to handle it, but I've also noted that those who aren't ready can be powerfully fooled by it. You need to first develop a thick skin to handle the adversity that comes with transitioning, and HRT can lead to thin skin - both literally and figuratively."

I will have to check with the post office to see if your checks have found their way to the same place as mine! :)

Thanks for reminding everyone, HRT is not for everybody and will cause powerful changes. So, if you are considering beginning hormone therapy, expect your life to change. Often in more ways than you would ever think.

In no way though, does taking hormones make you more transgender than the next trans woman. 

Feminine Spirit

Back we go to Michelle West's comment concerning meshing your feminine spirit with your male physical being.

One of the most common questions I get, continues to be, when did I know I was transgender.

Looking back, I probably always had a feminine spirit I was trying to contain. My physical male self fought quite the battle for over a half century.

Along the way, I worked when I could on transforming my male side into something more palatable to my feminine spirit just screaming to get out. Each time I was able to cross dress and get a short fix, life seemed better for a short while. All too quickly though, my inner girl was screaming for more. Ironically, she didn't seem to understand I was doing the best I could and my male self was fighting too.

Life was hell, when both of my genders battled. I self medicated too much with alcohol and became a "macho" drinker. Along with that came participation in many ultra masculine activities, like sports and smoking cigars. What made life even more frustrating, was being a guy came so easy to me on occasions and was even fun. At the same time, I never lost my feminine compass.

Slowly but surely, my feminine side began to gain a bigger foothold as I cross dressed and went out a couple days a week. I learned small lessons each time but was forced to go back to guy mode and forget most of them.  I endured though, and even began to establish a small life where people only knew me as a woman...transgender or not.

Of course, we all know how this story ends. All the doors magically began to open in my early 60's and I was able to complete a MTF gender transition. For years now, I have been able to live on HRT full time as a woman.

It took my feminine spirit a long time to do it but like any patient woman, she knew what she wanted and she got it.