Such a Monday!

Yesterday was one of those days when all I seemingly did was run all out in a hurry to wait. One of our cars is being repaired and I had to take Liz to work and pick her up. Which added extra stress driving in the Cincinnati rush hour traffic, the worst in Ohio. Not to worry right? The other car would be ready by the evening but, of course it wasn't.

In the meantime, my day was filled with driving the 300 mile round trip to Dayton and Springfield for my VA appointments. On a very hot/humid day in an non air conditioned car. I did of course have my "2-70" air to relay on. Roll two windows down and drive 70 miles per hour. Not good for my mane of hair which I forgot to bring anything to tie it back with.

Once I got there, not to be outdone by the rest of the days hassles, both of my sessions ended up answering a full appointment's worth of time  answering computer questions about myself. Including fun questions about suicide and depression. Not to be totally squeezed out from my appointment time though, I made it a point to tell my therapist about her supposed ability to put in a voice referral for me and I told her about the VA's ability to provide a wig and breast forms to veterans. When you think about it, it is not so strange with the increasing role the Veteran's Administration is taking with women veterans health care.

All to soon, both of my sessions were over and I was back on the road again to Cincinnati, with plenty of time to think of all my answers I gave the computer. I wondered though since I answered truthfully about my suicide attempts and the amount of low level depression I normally fight all the time, will the powers to be want to see me more.

I have fought hard to balance my demons and am not looking for extra guidance at this time. After all, balancing being bi-polar and transgender at the same time has never been a field day. I find it interesting when someone says as soon as they came out, the depression went away. It sure didn't work that way for me.

There was still more to yesterday I will pass along in another post!

Happy Mother's Day!

Just a simple post today. I am wishing all of you the best. Hoping you and your Mom have found some common ground...if she is around to still do it!

Other than that, I for one,  don't believe in picking up the "Mom" tag. I have stuck with the "parent" tag between my daughter and I. It has seemed to have worked well.

No matter the labels you attach to the day, I hope you have a good one!

Here Comes Summer?

All of the sudden, a very brief spring has turned into summer. Temperatures have soured into the mid to upper eighties and the dreaded humidity has started to rise too. I am back to my love/hate relationship with all this hair I have. I will have to start pulling it back more in the hot weather. This weather also is when I have to start to consider what kind of foundation I am using and the amount. I am lucky, HRT has softened my skin and I am careful to take pretty good care of it. So when I "melt", it hopefully won't be so noticeable.

All of this could change though, after Monday night. The day is shaping up to be quite busy with an appointment with my therapist early in the day and a special meetup group Monday night. The support group will welcome in three different "help" experts. One for hair, one for make-up and one for both. Instructions have been very vague, ranging from "models needed" to group instruction.

I'm selfish. I would love to score some individual attention. Eyes, foundation and contouring all the three things I need more expertise on. Overall, I feel like I am in a rut...HELP!

Just in case, I'm loading down my purse with a couple of the make-up items I am guilty of using all the time. Plus, I will be adding in the make-up skin wipes I use every night to remove my make-up. Hopefully, with all of that, I can cover all the bases.

Including my hair!

A "Quiet" Weekend?

It's looking to be a quiet Mother's Day weekend coming up around here. Both of our Mothers have long since departed so there are no visits to be scheduled. It would have been very interesting if my Mom would have still been with us, to judge her reaction to my feminine transition.

I think, after an initial negative blast, she would have learned to live with her new daughter. Probably after she did quite a bit of soul searching to figure out what she did wrong. Once she did figure it out, the answer would have manifested itself as guilt. Then the guilt would have somehow became my fault.

Once she figured though there wasn't anything thing she could do about my transgender decision, she would have settled down to accept it. I figure the whole process would have taken about six months.

So it could be getting one of our cars fixed could be the highlight of the weekend.

Vocalizing?

 After I tried to set a routine of adjusting my vocal chords upward into a more feminine pattern, I developed a minor sore throat. So maybe I should have waited on a professional diagnosis on what is going on with my very raspy voice. Certainly, there is a possibility I may have some other kind of problem going on.

Also, I have developed a minor cold which could be allergy related. Either way, I have suffered too from excess sinus drainage, Which isn't helping my voice either.

Monday, I have an appointment with my therapist who can refer me to a voice therapist at the Veterans Administration. So, we will see what happens! 

Speaking of the VA, interestingly enough, the Cincinnati VA is having a Pride Day this year. Being a transgender vet myself, as most of you know, I went ahead to help "man" a table. Or should I say "person" a table.

Also, a little later in June, I will be helping with our Witches Ball tent at the main Cincinnati Pride. The early part of the summer is shaping up to be busy.
 

The "C" Word?

Along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have mentioned several "C" words quite a bit. First and foremost, confidence comes to mind. Take Stana over at Femulate for am example  Every once in a while, some one will take her to task for wearing her skirts too short and not covering up those world class legs of hers. She obviously has developed the confidence to wear what she looks best in. 

Another "C" word you see a lot around here is "Connie" and here is her confidence experience:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMay 8, 2018 at 2:53 PM

"I don't see your hair as being not age-appropriate. It fits your general style and personality, which is much more important in determining "appropriateness." My own hair (which is my own because I paid for it) is colored to be blonde with darker roots. At my age, this would be almost impossible to achieve naturally, as the roots would actually be much lighter (grey or white) than the blonde color. I find it humorous that this doesn't even occur to others when I point this fact out. They will usually just respond that it suits me, anyway. I chose this style, as I thought it helped to make it look less "wiggy." So, I pull it off (unless I literally pull it off!).

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a fancy semi-formal affair honoring my sister-in-law for her 70th birthday. I wore a body-con black dress that was knee-length and modestly low cut on the top. I felt it to be totally appropriate to my age and body, and I received many compliments from the mostly-older crowd, as well as one from one of the younger women there. I did throw caution to the wind by wearing a pair of 4 1/2" open toe shoes (and still, I was not the tallest woman there!). I liked the way I looked that night, and my attitude and demeanor showed it. I wasn't trying to look younger, even if a younger woman could have worn the same outfit successfully, as well.

I think that the main thing to remember is that it is not the clothing, hair, and makeup that should define us. Rather, those things are enhancements and extensions to and of ourselves. We should want to look for ways to present ourselves that show who we are, and not, necessarily, who we'd like to be. Dare I say that old "C" word again? Confidence!"

Overall, like you said, the key is being yourself and every woman (cis or not) has to find their niche. As transgender women, it just takes us longer to find our confidence. Although I don;t know a single cis woman who hasn't confided a time or two having a little insecurity about a big night out.

Casting My Vote

Tuesday was primary election day here in Ohio. On top of doing my duty and voting, the day was another special one for me, because I could again use my relatively new feminine driver's license. I have never really been a proponent of making my legal gender marker change a birthday of sorts. I guess I may have to rethink it.

You Cyrsti Condo regulars probably won't have to wonder how I voted. Lets just say Ohio is a heavily Republican state and not much else has changed during this turnout. I think much has to do this year with what who was on the primary ballot. In November, the state has a clear cut choice between a "so called" rock solid conservative republican governor candidate and a much more liberal Democratic choice. The republican vote is always more predictable number wise around here I think because of the huge number of elderly who automatically vote "Red" (Repug) every time. So much for politics!

As far as reaction to me at the polls, I seemingly get an extra nice reception every time from the elderly (more than I) women who normally run everything.

I also had to go out of my comfort zone and go to pick up some legal paper work from the Hamilton County (Cincinnati) court house downtown. My trusty GPS got me there in good shape and I even found a favorable parking spot. Once I got into the courthouse, I had to basically go through two security checkpoints to get to where I was going. At one, I even was requested to show my driver's license again. At neither spot did I encounter any problems except my belt setting off the metal detector.

I don't know if I expected any trans resistance, but I didn't get any. Plus, surprisingly enough, one of the sheriff's deputies I encountered was very androgynous.

So once again, any fears I had were groundless. Dressing to blend got the jobs done!

Is She Serious?

I suppose if you live in Maryland, or are staying up better with your transgender politics than even I do, you may have lost track of Chelsea Manning. If you have, here is a look at what she has been up to a year after President Barack Obama commuted her sentence. This story comes from the Washington Post:

"Manning, who became America’s most famous convicted leaker isn’t taking an extended vacation. Far from it: The Oklahoma native has decided to make an unlikely bid for the U.S. Senate in her adopted state of Maryland.

Manning, 30, filed to run in January and has been registered to vote in Maryland since August. She lives in North Bethesda, not far from where she stayed with an aunt while awaiting trial. Her aim is to unseat Sen. Ben Cardin, a 74-year-old Maryland Democrat who is seeking his third Senate term and previously served 10 terms in the U.S. House.

Manning, who also has become an internationally recognized transgender activist, said she’s motivated by a desire to fight what she sees as a shadowy surveillance state and a rising tide of nightmarish repression."

Here is her platform:

"Close prisons and free inmates; eliminate national borders; restructure the criminal justice system; provide universal health care and basic income. The top of her agenda? Abolish the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, a federal agency created in 2003 that Manning asserts is preparing for an “ethnic cleansing.”

Manning ticks off life experiences she believes would make her an effective senator: a stint being homeless in Chicago, her wartime experiences as a U.S. Army intelligence analyst in Iraq — even her seven years in prison. She asserts she’s got a “bigger vision” than establishment politicians.

But political analysts suspect the convicted felon is not running to win.

“Manning is running as a protest candidate, which has a long lineage in American history, to shine light on American empire,” said Daniel Schlozman, a political science professor at Johns Hopkins University. “That’s a very different goal, with a very different campaign, than if she wanted to beat Ben Cardin.”

Manning’s insurgent candidacy thus far has been a decidedly stripped-down affair, with few appearances and a campaign website that just went up. In recent days, she approached an anti-fracking rally in Baltimore almost furtively, keeping to herself for much of the demonstration. But when it was her turn to address the small group, her celebrity status was evident. People who never met her called her by her first name and eagerly took photos."

For the record, I don't think what Manning did was right and did the entire transgender community a dis-service (not to mention the country) when she did it.

Age Appropriate?

One of the more frustrating facets of growing "more mature" is trying to fight off the ravages of a lifetime of testosterone poisoning.

No one ever said life ever had to be fair but finally arriving at the point in your life when you can express your true gender comes at a frustrating time when you can't experiment with many of the new fashion trends you see.

Although, if you are at the top of your transgender game, you would know there are still sties to visit where you can  do your best to compete in the world with fashionable cis women. Fabulous After 40 is one of those sites.  "Fabulous After 40" can show you how to walk the fine line between "classy" and "trashy" or at the least being age appropriate.

Speaking of age appropriate (and another reference to Popeye), lets check in with Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMay 6, 2018 at 2:45 PM

"I would guess, from my observation, that many women in their 60's have given up learning or crafting their presentations. For those of us who got a late start, though, it seems appropriate that we try a bit harder. I'm familiar with a number of trans women who, having missed their chance when younger, attempt to model their presentations after much younger women - which is a mistake, trans or not. I often, figuratively, roll my eyes at older cis women who are obviously wearing the same style of clothing and doing their hair and makeup the same way as they did some time back in their youth, when they thought they looked great (and they probably did.....then).

Maybe it's not a checklist that we need, but a reality check!

As Olive Oyl once asked Popeye over the table during a romantic dinner, "Do I have spinach in my teeth?" :-)"

Agreed, reality checks are always good but it's tough sometimes to get a "real" reality check!  I know I don't wear "age appropriate" hair but since it's all mine and I enjoy it so much, I am telling the world to go to hell. Having said that though, it is time to get my hair "shaped" and trimmed. Which I plan on doing before this summer really gets underway!

These days, I also find larger selections of plus size clothing to choose from, which makes staying "clothing current" easier.