Growing Up "Girlie?"

Somewhere between Ariel's comments about growing up as a "girlie boy" on the FrontLine PBS show and Connie's blog response: " I never was a "girly boy", myself. I was too busy overcompensating in order to hide any indication that I might be that way. If she can be strong through the bullying and teasing, she'll have broken through to a place that my coping mechanisms wouldn't allow for me." - Here we are.

One of my problems is: "It is what it is-isn't." In my "formative years, being a girlie boy was wanting a doll for Christmas instead of the BB Gun I got. Or not wanting to go hunting with my Dad or younger brother- a long way from anyone knowing about the dresses or makeup I was secretly wearing. 

I often wonder why (or if) what impact those years had on the transgender woman I am today? I have pretty much tried and failed miserably at being a "girly" woman and can best be described as a "boho-hippie." 

I guess I wasn't the "girlie girl" then or now and that's OK because women are allowed to come in more shapes, sizes and types. More so than the narrow stereotypes men are restricted to. I think as we transition we struggle with the idea. Plus, let's not forget how our parents factor in of course.  Thank the Goddess times seem to be changing a bit from the Mom's like mine who offered me "electro-shock therapy" to "help" me. She was simply ahead of her time and not religious enough. Today she would have offered some sort of transgender conversion therapy.

I love to use Connie as an example because: Like it or not, I am usually amazed at how our paths were so similar. In this case though I do think she might be more of a "girly" woman than I am. - The best example of all-just find happiness!

I Shaved my Legs for This?

Today was "supposed" to have been Catscan day at the VA. I say supposed to because I got about half way there and my car broke down. (Of course it did!)

I will be the first to say I have been fortunate in my health history over my 66 years and had never been through a "cat" before. So, I had no idea on how to "prep" for it. The only guidance I could get from my generic friends and memories from my wives was: shave your legs. So I did. 

I did think I had a good "middle of the road" outfit picked out for my medical "adventure."  I wore one of my long boho skirts with a tank top and flip flops and out the door I went. (Sigh!!!)

Now, several of my most insecure moments ever as a transgender woman or cross dresser have come during the "quality" time I spend with the tow truck drivers. This morning was a little more exciting as I had one of the "helper" safety trucks pull up to see if I needed assistance. I said no thanks, I am a AAA club member and they are on the way. I have to give them an A+ rating this morning. From the girl on the phone who got my name right and didn't question my voice to the driver who said I would be more comfortable waiting in his truck-they all did a great job. (That has not always been the case!)

Approximately a half hour later, I was back at sinister-in-laws waiting to take her to her doctor appointment. While she was in there, I took the time to go get me a cup of coffee. Before certain of you regular Cyrsti's Condo "coffee snobs" jump all over me-yes it was a convenience store. (Unless you are buying-get over it :)  ) At any rate, the store/fuel station was full of tree workers who had left their confederate flags at home. Great!!! - talk about over dressed.

As it turned out, no one gave me a second look and I went back to the Doctor's office parking lot to sip my "Joe" in piece and sulk about the morning's activities.

Of course, the irony of the morning was not long along I passed along some of my wonderful/inexpensive advice about truly testing the world as a woman. While this morning certainly wasn't the first time I had ventured into testosterone loaded environments, I wasn't expecting them-all at the same time-this morning.

I guess on the bright side, even though my long boho skirt had my legs covered for the most part-I knew I done the right thing by shaving them. 

Growing Up Trans on PBS

I missed the first episode of "Growing Up Trans" yesterday on PBS. But I am sure I will have the chance to see it later. 

It's an all too familiar story: "

 It was kind of like a double life,” young transgender girl Ariel  told  FRONTLINE in Growing Up Trans, a new documentary which premiered Tuesday, June 30, at 10 p.m. EST on PBS 

She went on to say:  “I think a lot of people are completely just comfortable and fluid, but for me, I was really scared.”

'Ariel is one of eight kids, ranging in age from nine to 19, who share their stories in Growing Up Trans. With children transitioning at younger and younger ages, and with more medical options available to them and their parents than ever before, the 90-minute documentary explores the complicated struggles and choices facing families as they navigate the changing and complex world of gender and identity.

For Ariel, who began living publicly as a girl at age 11, the process has not always been easy.

“It’s harder, teasing and bullying-wise, when you’re a girlie boy, when you’re in that in-between stage, than when you’ve fully transitioned,” Ariel says.'

For more, follow the link above!

"Sinister in Law?"

I'm sorry. Recently I have been mentioning my former Sister in Law more and more here in Cyrsti's Condo and not giving you all more info. The reason? At the present time she is passing back through my life again-like it or not. Why? She is the younger sister of my deceased wife and has absolutely no blood relation left. She is also single and I am it as a support person-it.

In a way, I feel life has come full circle again. She was always the more attractive sister (between my wife and her). With a good body, blond hair and blue eyes-many times she didn't have to go far to get her way. So Mom and my wife, who were very down to earth women didn't respect her lifestyle on occasion. Many occasions as sister in law was also a big time party person-until it all started to break her down. She is now 56.

My living arrangements are complex. I still have a fairly major property to get rid of here before I can move in with Liz full time down in Cincinnati. To save money and stay warmer, I shut down a bunch of things in my old house and moved in with "sis." 

To make this all so much more complicated, she had no idea I was transgender until I came out to her after Mother in Law passed nearly a year ago. And, to make it worse "Sis" recently lost her drivers license for a yet to be determined amount of time. No, she does not have the money for Uber, has a degenerative knee disease and lives a block away from the nearest bus stop. Thus, my Taxi service for her monthly Doctor's visits and food stops. 

I look at it all this way. I don't have a choice and just can't walk away-but-in the meantime, I have been known to extract a "pound of flesh" in the meantime. (Bitch!!!) Along with wife and Mom, (maybe more so) I resented her looks and the flaunting of them. So, here I am, when they are nearly all gone. I hate to say it, but there is more than a little poetic justice. (Bitch!!)

In all fairness to Sis, she does try to give me input on my girl self (blah!!!) but she does give me a wide range of purse and jewelry options. 

Perhaps the scariest part of this all is- I can't see the end of the road for any of this. I just know I am on it.

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Taxi Service and the Dox

Never a dull moment in my world (how much fun would that be?) Today I had to check in with my "medical team" endocrinologist on the results of my latest visit to the vampires. (Blood tests.) The result was after my cat -scan Thursday) he is scheduling me with a gastrologist. Hell, I don't even know how to spell it. Then, the Doc said "how you (me) doing?"  I said quite truthfully all of this new found attention was a bit un-concerting. In very unlike doctor language he said "Don't worry just go out and live every day." I thought quickly "easy for him to say" then again so right he is!!!

Then this afternoon, I was performing my medical taxi service for my "sinister in law" who recently lost her license. She is nearly 56 and ultra concerned about her image and tooooo concerned about mine. Which has resulted recently with me telling her "You are not the boss of me."

Anyhow, this afternoon I went in with her to her waiting room very butched in boy drag. I didn't think much about it until the receptionist was having a difficult time telling which one of us was "Melissa." What really got to "sis" though was when she (the receptionist) overlooked her and mentioned how much she liked the color of my hair. The very same color sis in law tried and miserably failed to copy. 

For once, I kept my "jabberer" shut and thanked the woman and thought "Ha Ha!"

So much for living every day Doc!!! Good advice!

Cyrsti's Condo "Blind Date?"

Identified cross dresser-Pinterest

Wow!!! I didn't know my sister was serious about setting me up on a blind date-but he is here! Too late to turn back now!!!

Moving Forward or Getting Even?

Following the landmark Supreme Court decision upholding nationwide same sex marriage, many have taken the opportunity to perhaps over celebrate or over react in the opposite. Recently, here in Cyrsti's Condo, we ran a post which essentially quoted verbatim a response from a photographer who chose to donate a wedding picture deposit to GLAAD rather than back to the person who paid it.  

And then, bless the persons who think not returning it was wrong-even though it said in the contract the deposit was not refundable. The reason for many was the whole affair was a chance to extend an olive branch of sorts to the couple of (faith?) who wanted their money back.

To an extent, Connie is one of them and you can read her comments why after the post. I am not,and I think the photographer did exactly the right thing. Perhaps? It's because Connie lives in a much more LGBT accepting part of the country? I am fairly certain entire olive trees have been torn down and extended to those "of the faith" around here who refuse to accept anyone else's faith. In an extreme sense, I'm sure to "some of the faithful" we LGBT women and men are as big of a threat to the fabric of society as the terrorists are in the Middle East. 

Enough said. Over the years I have been vilified, trolled and threatened with stoning surprising little on any of my social media.(  Maybe it was because I was stoned so much in my past?)

What does make me sad is how difficult it is for me to even consider the right wing bible thumpers will ever accept me.

Finally, as a point of reference- I want to say I am a capitalist to the point of supporting a small business owner's right to not serve someone on religious grounds. BUT when I take it a step further, owners could then begin to not serve others because of their race. So, in a sports reference-we won baby!!! Now get over it.

I know some of you are thinking too, what exactly does the SCOTUS decision mean to the transgender community, since most of us really didn't have a "horse in the race." More in a future post.

Cyrsti's Condo Advanced Training?

Unidentified Sissy Boy Maid Pinterest

Hmmmn? This sissy maid thing seemed like such a good idea....now what is that thing in front of me supposed to do?