Picture Perfect

I haven't passed along any photos or videos for a couple days soooo...I thought I would pull a couple out of the dusty archives here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Just two guys "out" for the evening

Weekend Help?

"Are the balloons a bit much?"

I've Been Spotted in Space

I'm so flattered!
Go here to see it!

Quote of the Day and More!

It ain't what you do- it's the way that you do it!
I am not exactly sure who said it but it sure fits quite a bit of my life as a transgender woman.
For seeming a thousand years I was too concerned about my looks and not my soul.
I've tried to revisit the problem as much as I can here because I believe in it's importance.
Not paying attention to my inner self was why I was never satisfied with my life as a cross dresser.
First the fetish aspect of just wearing the clothes left me quite early in the process.  The obsession phase set in. I just couldn't wait to put together that perfect outfit to be that stunning creature I knew I could be and not just stun someone. I just knew that new wig would work magic.
Nothing worked any magic over the years. A potent mix of alcohol, heavy work schedules and a fine alpha male acting rendition made for a volatile life.
As most of you know, all of that changed almost five years ago when my wife of 25 years abruptly passed on. I guess you can say the intense grief, pain and introspection I was going through led to the life I lead today.
As part of my birthday week and hair epiphany, I also had my Q and A session with my daughter. Being the out front person she is-she didn't hesitate to come out strong. "What is the difference between the Dad she knew and the person she really doesn't?"
I thought for a moment and said "Not much". I went on to say my interests were basically the same. Still into sports and history. Still like to bargain hunt for clothes and other items. The only difference is the outward feminizing of my body to meet my soul. I just am starting to look like the person I always really was.
Ironically she was trying to match me up with the grand kids. I really have come to be in their lives quite a bit and we all enjoy each other and I really want that to continue. So if I'm essentially the same person who looks different and is infinitely happier-the process is easier. (Neither of us see a huge problem)
So there you go. I'm starting to close a circle. I'm  really doing the same things the way I want to.
Don't get me wrong. I take none of this for granted and I'm not the first one to preach the virtues of living life on some of your own terms. I also don't put myself on any pedestals because it took tragedy and 60 some years for me to get this far.
I do think however I'm a fairly decent judge of the transgender experience.  If you have lost the buzz of just putting on a dress and primping in front of the mirror and are miserable- you may consider a transgender existence. Life is too short not to.

Welcome?

OK, if I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times. "Welcome to Our World" 
From the first development of sore breast "buds" to the dry skin to the hot flashes, my genetic girl friends have laid it on me.
Hey, I love it. Obviously, I want to be in their world.
Also I should point out (as with most of my life) I'm fairly certain I'm doing this transition thing backwards. I have experienced a ton of feminine socialization, it's keeping up with their world physically or at least
coming up to speed has been the challenge.
I always knew of course that female was the high maintenance gender but really?
Filling a bathtub full of 10w30 weight oil to re-lubricate my skin which could have been reacting to the fact my body was doing a wonderful job of self combusting all summer is an example. As I have written, all those frilly girly shower or bath moisturizers just aren't cutesy girl stuff...you need them!
Now summer comes to an end and it's time to add another intensely feminine aspect to my progression-hair.
We all know how inherently sensual a woman's hair can be.  For out entire lives we watch girls and then women seemingly always primping or playing with their hair. In addition, you have probably read a couple of the articles concerning how much the average woman spends on her hair in a lifetime.
All right, go ahead and say it girls: "Welcome to Our World". In an incredibly short period of time, I've had to step up my shampoo game  to a shampoo with conditioner and now a shampoo with conditioner for regular color treated hair. Plus, lets not forget the spray bottle of "Freeze and Shine" which I'm supposed to spray five times on my hair before I use the blow dryer with more attachments than an old wrench set I kept losing pieces to.
As I said, I have a lot of catching up to do but that's all right. It's really different to reach up to adjust your wig and it's your head and hair and all ready I feel helpless to do much with the actual style I have.
I am fond of saying "I'm nothing if not persistent" and I have two really positive factors working for me:
The first is I'm told I have good hair to work with. The second and most important is I have some really good friends to help me!

Crossing the Line

As promised, back to this hair thing.
Of course, we have discussed breasts seemingly a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo.
Now it seems,  we have a ways to go in the hair department.
The more I write seemingly the more there is to write.
I wrote a bit about looking androgynous but now I want to add a little extra.
With my hair the way it is now, I think I have taken a huge step in looking natural.
That's good, right? Absolutely and the public dynamic instantly changed for me. Eons ago, Janie Black wrote a piece on her blog (I paraphrase) "would you rather be a bland woman or an attractive trans girl?" Remember, I paraphrased a lot.
Basically, all of the sudden, you are just one of the crowd and not the center of attention.
For all intents and purposes, I'm arriving there and it's a real adjustment.
To be truthful, I guess there was some sort of ego involved with the fact that if I couldn't be a real attractive genetic woman, I would do my best to be a real attractive transgender woman.
In essence "Your a good looking woman-for a man."
Then I changed all of that this week.
It turned out going in for my first serious hair styling turned out to be the biggest move I've made since I took my first dosage of Estrogen.
Wow.

Closure

I've been trying to find the words to describe this week and close it out and get ready for what's next.

Perhaps one of the more exciting parts of all of this is I'm in another "warp speed" phase of life. In a little less than two weeks I have my appointment with a new doctor which I call my second phase of HRT.

As I do with most of my major transition events, I have a tendency to become more than a little withdrawn to consider what just happened.

I always considered my hair was going to be a Major piece of the puzzle. How big it turned out to be- I wasn't quite prepared for.

First of all, the obvious. I took a huge step to becoming complete- head to toe. All of the sudden, I became androgynous. With the help of the hormones, all of the sudden my hair tipped me towards the feminine side of the spectrum no matter how I was dressed.

Then there were the fun things such as the visit to salon after I calmed down and their reaction to my hair.
I have mentioned I'm very fortunate to have no male pattern baldness in my family and of course my hair has not been subjected to a lifetime of treatments. No coloring, no perms or heat just naturally gives me a younger fuller head of hair. My daughter commented how bitter she was that she "didn't get my hair instead of her Mom's". Of course my BS detector was figuring daughter and stylist were just being nice but she took my grand daughter back there a couple days later. It turns out the crew wanted to compliment her on my hair and wanted to see the completed process. As you remember I had to go as a guy with three days of beard to be evaluated on facial hair removal. Ironically, the first time my daughter saw me as me was in the same crummy picture I posted here.

There is more to this of course which I'm going to get into in my next post!

Jumping off the High Dive

Back in the day,

one summer my parents hooked my brother and I with a summer membership at a local municipal swim club.
All of that was well and good and the swim club provided swimming and diving classes. What wasn't so well and good were the times when our Mom decided to come to the classes.
She wanted to make sure her money was well spent and her sons were being taught how to not sink to the bottom of the pool when trying to swim. Again, being the mental giants we were-we learned how not to sink to the bottom. Good deal.
Then of course she decides if that was so successful, why not enroll us in diving classes? Really? It was not as if we were heading to the U.S. Olympic Diving Team any time soon. The biggest problem for me was though was jumping off the high diving board. I have never been fond of any height over approximately 10 ft. The 600 foot high board (seemed like it)  was intimidating to say the least.
My Mom was a proponent of "if it didn't kill you, it would just make you stronger" school of child raising- so guess who had his rear up on that board.  Looking back on the moment, I did learn one thing. From that diving board I could see half a continent away... The Rocky Mountains from Ohio.
You certainly are thinking by this time, what the hell is Cyrsti's point this time? (You are lucky you and I don't text!)
Here's the deal.
I have been on the high board quite a bit this year and just as scared as I was so long ago.
I have been fortunate enough to have four very close friends and family which have made it impossible for me to not jump off that board in a very positive way.
I tell quite a few folks I'm not totally sure of how I arrived here-but I sure do love it.
In reality though, I do have an idea how and those people had a hand in it.
I believe only one of the four reads the blog and that would be Liz. Another of course is my daughter.
This is my thanks for pushing me off that damn board!!!!!

I'm trying hard to put a couple pictures of my new hair cut today. I apologize for the overall quality and promise to pass along some better ones later!

Just Another Dose of Nirvana

I guess it's really true- you don't don't know what you are missing if you have access to it all the time-or you have never had it at all.
Sort of like the apple pie your Grannie used to RARELY make when you were a kid. I' m sure if I had it every night, the pie would grow commonplace or if I never had it? Who cares, right?
Today, I went to an upscale full service hair salon-compliments of a birthday gift from my daughter.
OK, I was scared to death. The thought alone of deciding on a hair color alone was giving me cold chills. Another reason I was scared (I realized) came from thoughts I had after a conversation with a close female friend last night. I came away from the talk with the frightening relevation that almost any woman I had ever known in my life hated her hair after the trip to the salon. How was I to be any different?
Well, you all know I'm pretty shy and withdrawn but dammit! What's wrong with all of you? Sure, I understand a hair butchering job as well as the next girl BUT...
As I was waiting for the dye to set in my hair on a soft couch with a cup of coffee and fashion magazines all over the place-I could see it looming on the horizon.
Then, when I was being shampooed and being given a mini facial-I arrived... Nirvana.
Look, I know it's expensive but I know if I could afford it I would be stepping into the same estrogen filled environment as soon as I could.
Was today worth the wait and the fretting? You know it was.
After I come down off this cloud, I will pass along more of how I was an idiot and missed the Nirvana stop for years.
In the meantime, all you genetic women must have been trying to keep this part of your existence a secret for a reason???  It's wonderful...why all the complaining?

Across the Pond

19 year old Brit Ryan Mckenna. After Ryan's body started to take a decidely feminine turn: (left)






Also from the UK:
Carla, 47, (right)  was once Paul and split with his wife Jane two years ago to live as a woman — Carla. Carla grew her hair long, dyed it blonde and had her facial stubble lasered away. Jane moved out of the family home but the kids have stayed — and they love Carla to bits.