Trans-Dawn

I missed a true pink and blue sunset over downtown Cincinnati last night. So this was the best I could come up with this morning.

    Just had to call it "trans dawn" and send it along with tons of positive vibes to all of you down on your luck and/or still huddled in a dark closet.

A brighter day is coming!!!

20 Words?

Before I get into this post on coming up with 20 words to describe "femaleness", I want to thank Connie for pointing out I was going through "transgender menopause" (since I have been off my hormones.) I prefer to think of the process as "follow the bouncing hormones" and feel sorry for Liz!

Now, back to the 20 words. I came up with 23 actually and ran out of space. Without boring you with all of them, of course I came up with the nurturing, love type words but then had to come right back with mean,petty,vain and bitchy. Femaleness to me is the height of connecting with the Momma Earth during her good times and bad. 

I've had the majority of the women I have come across accept me with a certain curiosity but then had more than I can say who wanted to harm me with a glance. 

Of course I had to add in all the physical words femaleness means to me. Soft,curves,smooth,hair and movement come to mind.

Just coming up with the 20 reinforced with me the good and bad of the transgender path I have taken.  As we know, women are multi layered critters.

Aren't We Really All Cross Dressers?

I remember years ago I brought this topic up to a mixed group of transsexual,transgender and cross dressers here on the blog, and got rocked.

I assume perhaps I would again today, except in the 20 something and below generation -who is much more accepting to gender fluid roles.

I am sure many of you remember the "Red Badge of Courage" days when going under the knife for SRS and going stealth with a man was THE goal. Having that goal is still all good but at some point in their lives wasn't there a man ready to get out of the closet.

Then, there are the purists who believe from their earliest days, they have felt like a girl but were forced to cross dress as a boy.

Now it seems, the term cross dresser has been mainly relegated to a semi negative term-which it shouldn't.

What a mess!!! 

Fortunately, I have quite a few comments to pass along which are pertinent to this topic:

The first from Connie:  For me, it's difficult to maintain an envisioning of the kind of woman I am, as it's the "transgender" part of it that gets in the way. I don't know who decided "trans*" would be a proper way of referring to me, but it's like saying I'm a "woman*", with the asterisk being necessary for clarification and definition to be footnoted. The trouble is that my spirit and soul are those of a woman; this I know of myself. Nobody else should be allowed to attach an asterisk to my spirit and soul - but there are plenty who will try.

So true! And of course mine- I wonder though if the real negative bitchy word games come mainly from the transgender/cross dressing community. The civilian world has had a tough enough time wondering where we came from all of the sudden.

Finally, I am going to leave you with this before we get back to a topic we discussed yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo- 20  words which express "femaleness" to you. I think cross dressing may have developed more of a negative connotation from the "fetish CD's."??

Just Who the Hell do You Think You Are?

In my previous Cyrsti's Condo post, I mentioned the recommended way to start my journal-with the question of who did I think I was? Then I was positively blown away with the first question: how did I feel about being a woman? Then list 20 words I associate with "femaleness". 

Then, the second question asked "Did I ever consider being a man?" By this time I had barely noticed what the rest of the journal questions pertained to, I was so stunned.

As my noggin began to clear though, I began to think the questions through.

A quick example was how "back in the day" the great majority of the words I would have associated with "femaleness" would have been clothes/makeup/appearance orientated. Today, maybe only a few. (I am going to journal my "20" today.)

I simply flipped the "man question around: "Did I ever not consider being a man and how much pain did it cause me?" Again, I will  write down 20 words.

In future posts of course, I will pass along some of the other points from the journal list, such as if I wrote a book about my life (I did) what title would I give it "Stilettos on Thin Ice."
As well as other relevant questions about the type of women I get along with best, etc.

So, plenty of thought and words to pass along to all of you soon!!!

Keeping a "Trans Girl" Journal?

As I mentioned previously here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was reading a book my partner Liz gave me called "Awakening your Goddess". Very quickly, the book recommends keeping a journal.

Ironically, keeping a "journal" is a little tougher for a transgender woman because as boys we were gender biased into thinking a diary/journal was only for girls. Imagine if your family found your journal at all-let alone what was written in it???

I find the whole journal concept even more interesting because in many ways I "journal" here everyday. But as I read on, I found I didn't. I write, but I don't feel.

Recommendations from the author "Liz Simpson" include many sensory ideas which a lap top obviously can not provide. Ideas include, sounds, smell, daily writings and even a new pen for your journal. (And the feel of the paper!) All of this makes more sense if you realize she (Liz) is going on to give you a sampling of Goddess's in the book to compare yourself to.

But, as I was yet to find-the best was yet to come!

We were directed on page one of our journals to write down - who did we think we were. As I was to find, an enormous question which deep down I had been trying to answer for over 60 years.

So big in fact, I am going to write about it in my next post.