Entering Woman only Spaces

 

First Girls Night Out. I am on the 
bottom left. From the Jessie Hart
Collection

Recently I posted two comments from readers. One of which mentioned her concerns with responding to and going to a women's only space. The reader, Ann, said she did not go for several relevant reasons including she didn't want to turn the place into a space where the other women felt there was an "interloper" there which made normal feminine discourse impossible. I paraphrased Ann. If you want to refer to her entire comment, go back one day to the "Trans-Sisterhood" post. If you haven't read it, it is a well thought out statement of if you should or should not attend. In response, Lisa P added this comment:

"  May I comment to Ann? I asked if I could join a women’s book club and was readily accepted. I can assure Ann that if she is being asked, she will be welcomed. Moreover, we talk about issues specific to women all the time, and there is no hesitancy or embarrassment shown by them. They know I am part of their “tribe” and I am safe. I do appreciate Ann’s concern and thoughtfulness (we should all emulate her). If possible I ask first before entering women’s safe spaces. But, I have not been rejected and I am more whole when I am part of the sisterhood of women. Lisa P."

As I said yesterday, when I first was invited to "girls' nights out" as well as other women only spaces I felt remarkably welcome. In many instances I felt as if the other women were welcoming into their club with arms open. Plus in many ways I have thought other women respond favorably to a transgender woman's need to do away with any toxic masculinity and live an authentic life. Once I was invited to play in the girl's sandbox and I learned the rules, I never looked back and went on to proceeding to live a life I only had dreamed of. Maybe, as Ann said, I could have been a little selfish but taking the chance to live and learn from other women was too much to resist. As Lisa said I was never rejected and realized more than ever before how much I was missing when I still was trying to live part of my life as a man. 

Then, there were all the nights I partied with two other women who happened to identify as lesbian, The entire experience validated in me the fact I didn't need a man's attention so I could feel like a woman. Once I made it to this point, thanks to my friends, I never had to look back again. From there I went on to "co-ed" spaces which included men but were dominated by women. Again, a whole new learning process. I believe it as during this phase when I began to develop more of myself as a transgender woman. It was especially true when I knew all of the other group participants knew I reached my gender destination by a different route than anyone else in the room. 

By entering woman only spaces, initially I was terrified but once I was accepted, I was able to grow into the trans sisterhood with other women and the group became more diverse. 

Trans-Sisterhood

Image from Manuel Cosentino
on UnSplash

 It is a powerful feeling being a part of the transgender community, or, the chosen ones (which I will explain in a later post). Recently I had a great comment through the Medium writing platform.  It comes from fellow writer "PL James":

".I always find I beat a drum. This drum is about embracing my trans-ness. I did always want to be pretty and slight like a lissome girl, but I am not. I have had too much of life dominated by testosterone...but like you, I lost a ton of weight, and am super-happy about the results of diet and exercise...and can be happy that I am beautiful...not in a classic way, but in a unique and transgender way...and that is fine because we are different...and our own experiences as trans people make us a tribe of our own...and that is the tribe whose standards I wish to be measured by. Yours in "transterhood"

First of all, it's a pleasure to be a part of your "trans-sisterhood" and thanks for the comment. I so agree many of us in the trans community have adjusted to our own standards of beauty as we present ourselves to the world. Years ago, I was invited to participate in a photography project which focused in on the differences in women. Even though I was scared to death to do it, I hitched up my "big girl panties" and went forward with the project. I felt even though I was far from the prettiest woman in the collection, at the least I would have the chance to represent an entire different look at women. Even though I don't have the final picture to post, it was quite the experience and I was honored to be chosen for another unique once in a lifetime experience.

Another very relevant comment came from the same post from another Medium reader "Ann Williams":

"I was recently invited to participate in a women's group, by one of the leaders. I was very flattered, and I would certainly love to do it. But I won't, and this is why. Because I know that none of the women there will see me as a woman, they will necessarily see me as an interloper. My presence will change the energy of the space. They will not feel as uninhibited to be themselves. They will not feel safe.

If I didn't know this, things would be different; but I do. I don't see this as a matter of rights; I see it as a matter of courtesy and kindness. The last thing I want to do is turn a place where women feel safe to be women into a place where they have to put their guard up. That's thoughtless, selfish and unkind --at least, I would find myself to be so, if I ignored their feelings by invading their space.

The fact I believe I am a woman doesn't matter. The problem is they don't believe it. And I cannot disregard the effect my presence will have on their experience."

Thanks Ann for the wonderful comment and I can only say, my experiences with being invited to "women's only" spaces have only worked out for the best. Maybe I am spoiled but I have had so many cis-women embrace me in their spaces, I was shocked on the rare times it didn't happen. I was even embraced and learned what I needed to do to be a more complete version of my new rescued feminine self.

I dare say, being accepted into the "transgender-sisterhood" has been more problematic for me.

Thank You All!

Image courtesy Howie R
on UnSplash

First of all, I would like to thank all of you who checked in and commented on my post about going to my endocrinologist recently. One of many responses came from Joanne (Jo):

"I'm fortunate in that I can see the results of my hormone checks before because the lab sends them to me as well and so I usually get them several days before my appointments. It will be interesting to see if my T levels stay stable post-GCS now that I am no longer taking Cyproterone to block. They are slightly higher than before surgery, but very slightly and that the very bottom for the range for cis women. On the plus side, my cold tolerance has improved a touch.

Good luck on the check up!"

Thanks for the comment and yes the visit did go very well. So well in fact, she set my next visit for a year from now. I was seeing her every six months. Plus Jo brings up a point we don't discuss much in the Condo, the regimen required when a person is ready to undergo "GCS" which I assume meant gender change surgery. I am far from an expert since I don't plan on undertaking any serious gender realignment surgeries at this late stage of my life. As far as hormonal levels go, I also have been at the very bottom testosterone level for years now. So much so, I have cut back my dosage of Spiro in half. Spiro is another med prescribed to limit testosterone levels. 

Through all the comments, I would be remiss if I did not mention the input from those who could not undertake any hormone replacement therapy due to recent of reoccurring health problems. A few even indicated they had naturally high levels of estrogen in their body so HRT was not really needed. A wonderful predicament to be in if you don't have to ingest any extra medications into your body. 

To finish off the news concerning my "Endo", all went so well, she was able to access my recent blood lab results without a problem from the Veteran's Administration website I am a part of. The problem I used to have was I was actually seeing two VA clinics and or hospitals and my records kept getting mixed up. The problem was finally solved and I was ready to move on.

Since I have entered the senior citizen part of my life, I realize the greatest gift you can receive is the gift of health. The gift of health is followed closely by having a loving spouse and or family member. I am so fortunate to have both. My daughter is completely accepting of my status as a transgender woman as is my recently married wife who I have known for over eleven years now. 

Plus, while I am on the subject of thankfulness, I need to thank all of you who read my writings on one of the two platforms I write on. Either "Google Blogger" or the paid "Medium" site which costs the reader fifty dollars a year for unlimited access to content. I don't thank all of you enough. Your comments and participation of any sort make the process so worth it. Thanks again!