Not a Secret Anymore

 Perhaps you remember the days when  "Victoria's Secret" refused to even consider using a transgender woman as a model. In a 2018 Vogue interview the brand's marketing director said no "transsexuals" would be used. These days times have changed:

From "USA Today":

"Model and TikTok star Emira D’Spain is making history as the first Black transgender model to work with Victoria's Secret.

D’Spain, known for her beauty tips and comedic “Get Ready With Me” makeup videos on TikTok, partnered with Victoria’s Secret to create a “Single Girl’s Guide to the Perfect Valentine’s Day,” a how-to video for people spending the holiday on their own.

“The best love is self love!” D’Spain captioned the video.

In the video, D’Spain showed herself getting ready for a day of pampering, styling herself in a red Victoria’s Secret corset, black miniskirt and jacket, and suede Louboutin boots. Then, D'Spain was off for a self-care day around New York City, where she bought herself diamond earrings and flowers.

D’Spain said the theme of self-love of the collaboration is an extension of the positive message she wants to convey in her social media content. “My entire platform is built on confidence and self-love,” D’Spain said in a statement to USA TODAY.

She continued: "I want to empower young trans women and men around the world to show them that the beauty and fashion industries are changing, especially if you are a POC. I am so grateful to work with Victoria’s Secret and hope this paves the way for those after me."

Questions

Mark wrote in and asked a relevant question concerning the post on "Confidence":

"So well done for talking about this .how have you coped/managed using toilets ...around town and with friends at a meeting or work, Mark.x"

Sometimes I think I could write forever on my restroom experiences so forgive me if I repeat some you may have read before. 

Very early in my days of trying the world as a novice transgender woman, I wasn't very successful in my need to use the proper restroom which matched my authentic gender. On a couple occasions in the sports bars I frequented I was called a pervert, kicked out of one place and even had the police called on me in another. Through it all, I was able to find venues who supported me completely while at the same time my feminine presentation became better. As far as work went Mark, I had retired by the time I became serious about completing my transition. 

It's interesting to me I still have a picture of the first women's room I used when I began going out. (Above)

It's also important to point out I never stopped using the women's room, no matter what happened. The only exceptions were the lesbian bars I went to. In several of them, plus a few gay venues, the privilege's of using the "room" were abused by gay guys and/or cross dressers and were revoked by signs saying "Real Women Only." 

I will add also Mark, for many years now I have not had any problems using the correct (women's) restroom. I think the most recent was several years ago when Liz and I were headed on a bus trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The bus stopped on the Alabama/Mississippi state line at a road side rest stop. Needless to say I was not thrilled with the prospect of waiting in line with ten or fifteen other women in a foul smelling restroom but I knew I couldn't hold my business until the next stop. I finally made it into a stall and when I left I ran straight into two women glaring at me while they waited. I hoped they were just mad because they waited but my restroom paranoia told me it was so much more so I quickly washed up and headed back to the safety of the bus. 

Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplash

As I said, the only other times I have even been in a men's restroom in the past twenty years were  a couple of times during drag shows when there were ridiculous lines of women waiting to go...real or not. I used the men's room and laughed at all of those still waiting. 

So Mark theses are just a very few of my restroom experiences. As I said over the years I don't think of having any problems using the restroom but then again, there probably isn't a time my past doesn't haunt me.

FYI, transgender women are real women and these days I would not back down.

Connect the Dots

 Yesterday as the Cincinnati Bengals won their game and will head next to the Super Bowl, I will admit I did shed a tear or two of joy. Of course I was overjoyed at the hard fought win but even more I was overcome at the memories of the thirty three years which have gone by since the last trip to a Super Bowl by a Bengals team  As you can imagine, I have suffered more than my share of heartbreak when the Bengals found ways to lose I couldn't even think of and were even referred to as the "Bungles."

Photo JJ Hart

Being as perceptive as she is, my partner Liz asked me if my tears were because of the memories I had watching all the games I did as a guy. It was at that point I started to connect the dots and told her yes. 

In many ways, looking back at all the years of hiding my transgender feminine being from the world, I wonder how I made it. All those years of going to The Ohio State University football games, drinking enormous amounts of beer while I tried to out macho the other guy by smoking big cigars. One example comes to mind when I had to relieve myself of a large amount of the beer I had just drank by going to what can only be called as a high tech men only portable toilet. The unit only had a trough like device for about five guys to go at once. Or as many as could squeeze in. 

My dilemma quickly became my lack of enough hands. I had a plastic beer cup, a lit cigar and no hands to unzip and go. To solve the problem I pushed my way in holding my beer in my teeth along with my cigar and went ahead and peed. Either that moment was the most macho thing I did or at the least was the most imaginative thing I ever came up with. By now my mind was racing and I returned to the present.

As I cried though, all I could think of were all the wasted years I had doing my best to live a gender lie. How much worse could everything been if I had just followed my instincts and set out to live as my feminine natural self. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

On the other hand, if you believe in the cup being half empty or full, I was able to live a remarkable life as a guy. and have such wonderful things as my beloved daughter to show for it. Even my time in the military proved to be beneficial as I was able to see and live on three continents in three years followed up by living in several diverse areas of this country when I was honorably discharged. The cup was half empty when I chased after myself but full when I was able to add all the experiences I did.

When you are able to live as long as I have, you begin to realize connecting the dots only proves life is but a circle. Learning from the circle has been the difficult lesson for me.