Mark wrote in and asked a relevant question concerning the post on "Confidence":
"So well done for talking about this .how have you coped/managed using toilets ...around town and with friends at a meeting or work, Mark.x"
Sometimes I think I could write forever on my restroom experiences so forgive me if I repeat some you may have read before.
Very early in my days of trying the world as a novice transgender woman, I wasn't very successful in my need to use the proper restroom which matched my authentic gender. On a couple occasions in the sports bars I frequented I was called a pervert, kicked out of one place and even had the police called on me in another. Through it all, I was able to find venues who supported me completely while at the same time my feminine presentation became better. As far as work went Mark, I had retired by the time I became serious about completing my transition.
It's interesting to me I still have a picture of the first women's room I used when I began going out. (Above)
It's also important to point out I never stopped using the women's room, no matter what happened. The only exceptions were the lesbian bars I went to. In several of them, plus a few gay venues, the privilege's of using the "room" were abused by gay guys and/or cross dressers and were revoked by signs saying "Real Women Only."
I will add also Mark, for many years now I have not had any problems using the correct (women's) restroom. I think the most recent was several years ago when Liz and I were headed on a bus trip to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The bus stopped on the Alabama/Mississippi state line at a road side rest stop. Needless to say I was not thrilled with the prospect of waiting in line with ten or fifteen other women in a foul smelling restroom but I knew I couldn't hold my business until the next stop. I finally made it into a stall and when I left I ran straight into two women glaring at me while they waited. I hoped they were just mad because they waited but my restroom paranoia told me it was so much more so I quickly washed up and headed back to the safety of the bus.
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| Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplash |
As I said, the only other times I have even been in a men's restroom in the past twenty years were a couple of times during drag shows when there were ridiculous lines of women waiting to go...real or not. I used the men's room and laughed at all of those still waiting.
So Mark theses are just a very few of my restroom experiences. As I said over the years I don't think of having any problems using the restroom but then again, there probably isn't a time my past doesn't haunt me.
FYI, transgender women are real women and these days I would not back down.
I have never had any incidents involving rest rooms, but I do have a couple of stories, the very first concert my band played after I transitioned we found that we had two changing rooms, one was allocated for men, the other for women, out of a blend of modesty and embarrassment I was trying to find a loo to get changed in, I must have looked a bit lost and confused because as I walked past a couple of the girls in the band lent out of the changing room grabbed me and told to come in and get changed!
ReplyDeleteThe other was at the "local" of my best friend I had been going in this pub for years before my transition when of course I used the appropriate facilities, afterwards I started using the ladies rest room, nobody ever said anything to me, but I found out later that a couple of people did query this with the landlady ~ who straightened them out after all what man wants a woman trans, or not, Walking through their loo wearing heels and a dress while they're at the urinal? The next time I was in that pub the landlady bought me a drink and came and sat with us, just to shut everyone up.
AMAZING very very true Trans And CrossDressers are very very REAL LADIES THOSE PEOPLE WHO CALLED You a Pervert ,SO VERY, SNOTTY NOSED .i am Disabled i have had Peoples bad views/judgements .it is THOSE make these ISSUES A MILLION TIMES WORSE ,MARK.X
ReplyDeleteSo true Mark! and as you know narrow minded people are everywhere.
Deleteusing restrooms--confidence is the key.I forced myself to pursue crowded ladies rooms to build that confidence-not easy-takes a long time. do not be furtive as that is a dead giveaway. emily
ReplyDeleteI've never had a real problem using the ladies room. The first night I was out in the public, I was with about eight cross dressers from the local trans social club. They decided it would be funny (my initiation?) to have the female server follow me, a few minutes later, into the ladies room and yell out, "There's a man in the ladies room!" I just ignored it, and went about my business. I was pretty sure it was a joke, but I figured it was where I belonged - no matter what anyone else might have thought. When I returned to the table, everyone was laughing at me. I gave them some time to get their yuks, and then asked if anyone there knew where my table was - the one where the ladies were sitting. I did have an incident during intermission at the theater, where I felt pressure (intended) to hurry in deference to the other ladies who were waiting in line. In my haste, I had tucked the back of my dress into my pantyhose. Another woman kindly, and discretely, let me know of my faux pa, and everything was just fine......until I noticed the string of toilet paper stuck to the heel of my shoe as I walked back into the lobby.
ReplyDeleteYou can really find who your friends are while using the ladies room. ;-)